self loved | e.d.

eighteen

it is now october. only 5 more days until halloween and i've never been more excited to just lay down and sleep.

but honestly when am i not.

tomorrow is monday meaning that halloween is marked on a friday.

there is this huge party being held at avery's place again.

i haven't gone to a party ever since she held one last time.

every girl will be wearing something skin revealing to get guys attention.

drinking and dancing as it goes for parties.

ethan hasn't been in my thoughts or around me for a while which is good.

he would stare at me then stop once i caught him.

sometimes i just let him stare because i don't care anymore.

my affection has gone away for him a couple weeks after the party.

i can say that i do miss him teasing me here and there.

it does get lonely at school if you only have one friend that you barely see.

my ex, anthony has moved into my new school. beating the whole purpose of me being happy.

he's been nit picking on me in the halls trying to make me scream at him for his attention, and for others to call me a freak through school.

schools been okay for me. the assignments aren't too hard but they do take a lot of your time away.

but i have all the time in the world so it doesn't matter.

i've learned to play the ukulele and started to write a song. not that anyone would care to listen.

dark and deep words started to come into my thoughts the more i became lonely and hung out with myself.

i've been depressed before, not wanting to go through it again.

it's not fun for the most part.

weight has always been one of my insecurities ever since my last high school.

and all thanks to anthony.

he's the reason why these thoughts are starting to come into my head.

he's damaged me mentally and emotionally.

my phone dings before i look over my shoulder.

i pick up the phone and hover my thumbs over the screen. seeing ethan has texted me.

i type in my passcode and click on his contacts.

ethan: come to this party friday night

my eyes roll to the back of my head.

me: why?

immediately he starts to text me back again.

ethan: it would be fun