My Love

Chapter 12: One Day

I lethargically walk back to my room, praying that the feeling of having nothing to live for goes away. I walk into my room and collapse on my bed.

What a mess.

My life in general is such a mess. In the midst of pondering where everything started to derail, I heard a knock on the door. I slowly got off my bed and walk towards the door. I put my hand on the knob, hoping that Camila stood on the other side. I turned it and it revealed my mom.

"What the hell do you want?" I asked her angrily. I felt a stinging sensation on my right cheek from when my mom's hand made contact with it.

"Lauren Michelle Jauregui, you will not address me like that ever again. Do you understand." She said, inches away from face. All I wanted to do was smack her back, but I used all the self control I could muster and refrained from doing so. But that didn't mean my anger had in any way subsided.

"I came here to check up on you. Dinah told me that you were upset and I just want to make sure you were okay." She said.

"Why? You don't care about how I'm feeling. As long as I'm not with Camila, that's all that matters, right? If you really need to know mom, I feel terrible. I feel like part of my soul is missing. I know I can't blame everything on you but you definitely had a part in it." I shot back.

"Lauren, stop being a drama queen. I understand you're upset but you're life isn't over. So cut the melodramatic bullshit and stop putting your life on halt for some girl." She said, obviously angry.

"She's not some girl, Mom! When will you realize that! She's my soulmate!" I yelled at her, not caring if I was going to get smacked again. My mom let out an obnoxious laugh.

"You literally say that about every person you date. In a few months time, you'll move on and be calling somebody else your soulmate." She says, as if she knows everything.

"You think I want it to be this this way?" I yelled. "Do you think I want my life to be so hard and complicated? Do you know how much I wish I could just be in love with Luis and live my life without all this shit bombarding my mind? Mom, I don't want it to be this way anymore than you do. But it is. And the more I try to run away from the truth, the more it hurts because I need her. And it sucks being so dependent on somebody that will constantly cause problems but she's worth it. And for the first time, I'm genuinely embracing it. I'm in love with her, mom. I'm not sure about anything else but that." I said, finishing my speech.

My mom just sat there with wide eyes. She would open her mouth to speak, but nothing would come out. This is the first time I've seen my articulate mom speechless.

"I don't know what to say." She said honestly.

"Then don't say anything. Just leave." I told her. I went to the door and opened it up, the same way Camila told me to leave.

"Okay, Lauren. I hope you remember that blood is thicker than water and that me and your father are the people who care about you the most." She got up to leave.

"By the way, I leave next week and I won't be there for most of the tour." She informed me.

"Ok." I simply said.

'Thank God.' I said to myself. I already have enough to deal with. My mom would just make everything unimaginably worse.

"Goodnight Lauren. I love you." She told me before leaving. I closed the door and went into the bathroom to take a shower.

I breathed out as the warm water spilled out onto my back. It momentarily relieved all the stress and tension. But it came back of course. Usually I'd belt out some Lana Del Ray, but because of the events that unfolded tonight, I wasn't in the mood to sing. I just stared off into space. Thinking. Wondering. Hoping.

I wondered what Camila was doing. Probably sleeping. I wish I could crawl into bed with her and hold her in my arms. I can't imagine a better way of waking up than waking up next to that angel.

I hope one day I will be able to wake up next to her. But for now, my vivid dreams when I dwell in my solitude will just have to suffice.