My Love

Chapter 1: Discovering

I've always been fascinated with love. Ever since I was little, I couldn't help but notice how love changes people. even when I didn't know it was love I could always sense a change in their being. As I gotten older, my fascination grew more and more. I wanted it. I wanted to give it. I wanted to provide it. I have since had a very perfected view of love.

When I was 14, I dated a guy named Paul Martinez. We dated for about 6 months until he broke my heart. Even though the heartbreak was unbearable at the time, I owe a lot of what I know today about love to that relationship.

It presented the realization that love doesn't mean everything is going to be perfect. That sometimes love isn't enough to make a relationship work. It also showed me love hurts. Falling in love, being in love, and of course, losing love, hurts. Like a bitch. But if my 14 year old infatuated self didn't learn it then I honestly don't know how I'd manage it now.

Four years ago

"Why are you doing this? Please? We can work this out, babe. Please. Don't leave me." I said with disparity coating my voice as I grab my phone so tight my knuckles were turning white.

"I'm sorry, Lauren. Our relationship has ran it's course. You're a nice girl. An amazing girl. It was fun while it lasted. I really hope we can be return to our great friendship one day."

I felt like I got punched in the stomach. How can someone you trusted and cared about so much hurt you like that? How could there be so much contradictory in the name of something that was suppose to give you stability? What is this? This is not how love is. Is it?

"But I fucking love you! Doesn't that mean anything to you? You fucking promised me the world! Please!" I screamed into the phone, tears streaming out of my eyes. I heard him sigh. I took a deep breath as well and tried to recollect myself.

"If any of our memories and times we spent together amount to anything, then please, just please, don't leave." I calmly pleaded

"I'm sorry Lauren. I really am. Things don't work out. That's life. We're teenagers for Christ's sakes. Don't take it too hard Laur. But I'm sorry. Take care." Then the line went dead.

I slowly slid down the wall and hugged my knees to my chest. Surprisingly, I didn't burst out sobbing. I just stared at the opposite wall. Thinking. Wondering. But most of all, confused as hell. What exactly is love? And why does it hurt so much?

Present

It's funny looking back at my 14 year old self. How naïve I was. I spent the next 3 months crying over him and listening to nothing but The Script. Of course I didn't love him. It was mere infatuation, but when your 14 everything seems grander than it is. It's a very dramatic age. At least for me it was.

Many boys came and went. I was exposed to a lot of new experiences and lessons. And I took all of them to heart. Each experience, no matter how heartbreaking, taught me more about love. And every lesson, no matter how complicated, gave me more insight on who I am as a person and what I desired in a person. I made many discoveries leading up to the moment I fell for a certain brown-eyed girl who would teach me the biggest lesson in life.