My Love

Chapter 8: Lying Heart

It's been a few days since the incident with my mom. I sat on the couch eating ice cream while Dinah and Camila were doing God knows what together. I've been in a bad mood since my mom arrived. It's been so much unhealthy tension between us, which really makes me sad since I love my mom so much. While thinking to myself, my mom walks in and sits beside me on the couch.

"Lauren, I'd like to talk to you." She said calmly but sternly.

I sighed. I sat my ice cream on the coffee table and silently prayed this wouldn't result in another fight.

"Okay, mom. What is it?" I ask, admittadly having an attitude evident in my voice.

"Look, Lauren. You know how much I love you. I want you to be happy in life. But I know you, Lauren. This whole relationship thing with Camila, you don't want this. You're an 18 year old girl and I understand it's normal to be confused. All your life, you've loved boys. Now all of a sudden, this girl comes along and now you're gay?" She says.

"I'm not gay." I quickly responded, anger building in me because of that word. Gay. I'm not gay.

"I know you're not Lauren. That's what I'm saying. You're not gay. You like boys. These feelings you think you have aren't real. You yourself have said many times you're straight. Did it ever cross your mind you might be... confused? It's easy to see how you'd think you would have these desires for Camila. She's a very attractive and sweeet girl and you're around her 24/7. I honestly don't think they're real. I know you love her, but you're not in love with her." She says.

Could it be all this time I've been confused? That my heart has been lying to me? I know I love her, but maybe I wasn't in love with her. It would be much easier if that was the case. Now I'm more confused than ever.

"I'll just leave you hear to think it through." She said, getting up. She started walking towards the door but stopped right before exiting.

"If you weren't in love with Camila, which you aren't, think about how'd easy it'd be." She said, then finally leaving.

I thought to myself for a while. Thinkig about almost every moment Camila and I have shared. Was it all fake? Did my brain manipulate my heart like many times before? If it was indeed just tragic confusion, my life would so much easier and less complicated. After a long thought process, I finally reached a verdict.

I wasn't in love with her.