My Love

Chapter 11: I Love Her

Throughout the day, Camila had not surprisingly avoided me. But what was surprising was how hard it was on me. I'm used to her ignoring me but the fact that, at the end of the day, she'd end up in my arms comforted my loneliness. But now, I don't have any comfort. I miss her. I know it's been a day since we broke up, but it's felt like an eternity without having her warmth from her body and soul radiate throughout me. When I had her, I felt like I was on top of the world. But now, I just feel cold and alone.

I walk down the corridor of the building we were in, into the lounge to find Camila deeply involved with a book. Never in my life did I ever think I'd envy a book, but there I was desperately want the attention and dedication from her that lucky book was receiving. Working enough courage, I walked up to her and sat down next to her.

"Hey," I said softly, "what are you reading?" I said, trying to start a friendly conversation.

"A book." She replies with no emotion.

"No, I could've sworn you were reading a banana." I said with a chuckle, hoping to make her smile. But instead, just looked up from the pages in front of her and stared her empty eyes into my own vacant orbs. She then got up and left.

I sighed. I really fucked things up. I fucked her up. I put my face in my hands and silently cried. I then felt a hand on my back and looked to my left to find Dinah comforting me.

"What's wrong, Ralph?" She asked light-heartedly, gently rubbing my back.

"What's right?" I replied, simply.

"Mila told me what happened. And to be honest, I was very close to punching you in the face. But I settled down. Kinda. Just know I'm here for you if you need to talk." She said. She got up and was about to leave, but I stopped her.

"Dinah, I'm fucking hurting and each day I feel like I'm dying inside." I confessed to her. She had the most sympathetic look in her eyes that warmed my heart.

"Come here." She said, and I put my head in her lap and started sobbing. I feel her hand run through my hair while the other softly rubs my back.

"I understand you're upset but think about Camila. Think about how you hurt her. Do you know how many times I had to comfort her the same way I'm comforting you right now? Too many to count on fingers." She says.

Realizing the full extent of how much pain I've caused her over the years makes me want to vomit.

"Camila." I squeaked out. "Camila. Camila. Camila." I said through my sobs.

"Let it out, Lauren. Let it out." She said calmly.

"I fucking love her! Every day I find myself falling more and more in love with her and I'm scared! I'm fucking petrified and it's like this fear is rotting my insides but not having Camila is destroying my heart! I don't know what to do!" I yelled. I heard her sigh.

"Talk to her." She said.

"I can't." I replied.

"Why?" She asked.

"Because I'm scared." I said shyly.

"Do you want Camila back or not?" She says sternly.

"That's all my heart desires." I honestly reply.

"Then grow some lady balls and go get your girl!" She says rather loudly.

"I don't even know where she is." I said, trying to find an excuse not to face her.

"She could be in, you know, her room." She says as if it were obvious, which it was.

I get up and fix my hair and zip my fleece jacket up. I always tend to zip my jacket up when I'm scared or anxious. My legs are shaking as I walk up to her door. I raise my fist, which is also trembling, to knock on her door. In a matter of seconds, the door opens and reveals the most beautiful girl in the world.

"Hey, Camila." I uttered timidly.

"What do you want Lauren?" Camila asked, sounding defeated and tired.

'You.' I said in my mind.

"I need to talk to you. Please. It's important." I begged. She let me in and we sat on her bed.

"Well?" Camila said.

"I love you. But I'm scared. I lied to both you and myself. My love for you surpasses what I thought the maximum amount of love a human could have. You're the love of my life and the light of my world." I confessed, pouring my heart out.

"You always do this. We always do this. We get close, you get scared, and I'm always the one getting hurt in the end. I deserve so much more than what you offer, Lauren. I used to get so mad at you and I would wait for you to change. But then I realized I can't try to change the drug because it'll always be bad for me, I just need to stop taking it altogether. You're a coward, Lauren. I deserve someone who'll show our love off to the world. Not someone who makes me cry every week. You treated my heart like it was nothing, and I hope you realize how much you messed me up. I'm scarred, Lauren. You scarred me. You did that. I love you, but I can't do it anymore." She finished. She got up and went to the door and opened it up, signaling it's time for me to leave.

"Angel, please..." I began.

"Goodnight Lauren. And goodbye." She said.

I walked out her room and she closed the door.

"Goodnight, my love." I whispered to myself, tears streaming down my face.