speak

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they say to speak up.
s p e a k u p
you can't keep everything locked up
inside of you.
why can't i speak
i know i have to.
i want to.
and i tell others to.
so why can't i speak up myself?
the thing about my tongue
is that it ties itself in knots
and twists at the worst times.
when i need to speak,
my lips lock shut
my beloved words fail me
even though i can arrange them
flawlessly in my head.
because in the end,
i can't s p e a k
and when i do,
the words tumble from my mouth,
incoherent
and too quiet
and not good enough.
but i have a lot to say.
i can't speak aloud,
but when i write...
it's an entirely different story.
when my words stream easily
from my head
to my fingers
to the paper or computer
when i write...
i can shatter the world.

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