Only a Memory | Bucky Barnes

Chapter 13: Christmas Break

Christmas came rolling around, and the time leading up to it was not in any way full of cheer for Bucky.

There were many things that Christmas time brought on. For starters, ever Christmas was another one without Derek. Christmas had always just been something special for the Barnes'. Their first one without Derek had been very hard, and ever since then it had gotten a little better every year, but it would still never be the same. Winifred would always try to bring up the mood, but even she was breaking inside. That was her son.

Along with that, Bucky had had to formally come out to his parents.

It wasn't something that he could just avoid forever, as much as he wanted to. Not acknowledging the fact would only leave George to assume that Bucky was gay. And Bucky sort of hoped that maybe him being bi would be okay, because then at least that way he still liked girls. Bucky hoped, as he assumed George would also, that in due time he could forget about Steve and maybe find himself a girl. Then the two of them could just push the whole bisexuality thing aside and pretend it didn't even exist.

Still, when Bucky cleared his throat while they were all eating dinner his hopes were not high.

Immediately, he met George's eyes from the other side of the table. And George— no. That could have been am encouraging smile. But it almost seemed like—

"Yes, Bucky?" George said. And Rebecca, who had previously been stuffing her face with food, swallowed and nodded at Bucky in support. She knew exactly what was going to happen, and she would be there for Bucky if things went south. Bucky loved her for that.

Winifred knew what was up, too. Bucky could see it from the look in her eyes. The way that she held her head up high showed that she was ready to take Bucky's side.

Yet Bucky was still terrified, and his voice shook when he spoke.

"I need to tell you guys something," Bucky said. He stared directly at George as he said it, because really, he needed to tell George something.

George just nodded for him to continue, but Bucky suddenly felt as if he couldn't speak at all. There was a huge lump in his throat that he could seem to swallow, and every time he tried to open his mouth no sound would come out.

Bucky had known it would be difficult, he had just hoped that he'd get the words out before the real trouble started.

"Take your time, son." And George. Oh, he knew too. Yet there was hope on his face, like he thought maybe Bucky would say that they were all wrong and he really was just straight.

But that made Bucky angry, and it gave him that little push he needed to continue.

"I'm not gay," Bucky said. From across the table, George visibly relaxed. Rebecca sent a worried look Bucky's way, and Winifred a knowing one. "I'm bi."

George's relieved look quickly changed to one of confusion. "Bi?"

"Bi," Bucky repeated. "As in 'bisexual'. I like girls, but I also like boys too."

"Oh. . ." As George processed this information, he looked neither proud or disappointed. Bucky wasn't sure whether this was a good thing or not.

"We're proud of you," Winifred said. "Aren't we, George?"

That tone would have anyone agreeing. Though when George slowly nodded, it almost seemed genuine. Still, Bucky didn't think that his father agreed with it, nor would he ever. Bucky didn't care much. All he really wanted was for his own father not to hate him as much he he hated himself.