Only a Memory | Bucky Barnes

Chapter 18: The Truth, At Last

In which Peggy tells a story and Bucky is still unsure of everything, but not as much as before.

**

Bucky's brain felt as if it were about to explode.

Even exams had never gotten him to this point.

It was just something so unexpected yet he felt as if he should have known all along. There was an odd sort of dynamic between Steve and Peggy that Bucky was only just beginning to piece together.

For starters, they always seemed like more of friends than anything else. This alone got Bucky jealous enough to shape the friendship into something entirely different, the exact roles that they were trying to play. And when they did act all couple-like and kiss, and was almost too forced, to the point where it was awkward. But Bucky only ever saw one thing: Steve kissing someone else.

Still, regardless of the circumstances, Bucky didn't see why the two had to put on a show for so long. It was almost cruel, if they did know about Bucky's feelings. He just wished he knew what the circumstances were, and sooner or later he'd make someone explain.

He was left with a million questions for the rest of the day until school was out. Every time he saw Peggy or Steve he wanted to ask about this whole fake dating thing, but his courage seemed to have still been left behind at Steve's doorstep from the day that Bucky confronted him. The day that Steve kissed him.

It wasn't until Bucky got home that he finally decided that he couldn't wait any longer for the answers to come to him. He would have to get them himself.

Talking to Steve was probably a bad idea, and Bucky was almost positive that he'd have a difficult time getting straight answers from him anyway. So he called up Peggy, who said that she'd be over within the next fifteen minutes. It worked out perfectly because his parents weren't around and neither was Rebecca, after Winifred and George had insisted on taking her out for some 'family bonding'. Bucky really didn't want anyone else to overhear whatever Peggy had to say.

Bucky was already beginning to feel nervous before Peggy arrived. He wasn't even sure why. Surely, whatever Peggy told him couldn't be that bad. If anything, he hoped that after today he would feel relieved to finally have some answers. He had been confused for a while, especially since the day that Peggy had asked him if he liked Steve. She had told him that she made a mistake, which at the time Bucky never took too seriously, but still left him pondering.

When Peggy came through the door Bucky felt his stomach drop to the floor. Peggy looked a little nervous, too, which wasn't helping the situation.

"We better sit," she said. "This story is a long one."

So they sat. And to be specific, they sat in the living room where Bob Saget's voice served as background noise.

"So am I going to get the truth about this whole fake dating thing?" Bucky asked.

"Yes," Peggy said, looking down at her lap. Then she lifted her head and met his eyes, and her expression was unreadable.

Bucky was sure that in some other reality, one that existed without Steve Rogers, he must have been attracted to her. Peggy truly was beautiful, in a way that almost physically hurt. But it didn't mean anything, not when there was a blond boy named Steve breathing the same air as him. Because Steve could've had one eye, and hairy warts all over his face and Bucky's feelings for him would still rage like a dancing fire.

"Bucky?" Peggy said, drawing Bucky back into the moment. "I just want to say, before I start, that I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize. How bad can it be?" But he was really saying that for his own benefit.