Only a Memory | Bucky Barnes

Chapter 17: The Aftermath

A/n: Reading over this chapter I realized that it's just really bad. Sorry in advance

**

"What the hell was that?" Bucky said, stumbling back until his back hit the wall.

Steve was staring at him with wide eyes full of regret, and Bucky just didn't know what the hell was going on anymore. It was as if someone had proof unicorns existed, and Bucky wanted to believe it was true, but it was something that was too good and he wanted it too bad for it to ever be real. If Steve wasn't staring at him so intently Bucky would've pinched himself to see if he was dreaming.

"Oh Bucky. I'm so sorry," Steve said once he finally found his voice. He was stepping towards Bucky again, and Bucky had to hold his hands up to stop him.

"No. Stop. You can't just do that!" There was a quiver in his voice.

"But I thought–"

"You can't just ignore me like that for a whole month and then just kiss me!"

"I really am sorry. I don't know what came over me."

Right. Bucky was already preparing himself for a story that would 'explain everything'. In his own mind he thought that that surely it was all just a mistake, heat of the moment sort of thing. There was no way Steve actually meant it. No way.

"Do you. . .you like me?" Bucky asked anyway, because he didn't want to do any tiptoeing anymore. He just wanted answers, and he wanted the truth.

"Yes! And I though you knew!"

"Then let's both just—" Bucky stopped mid-sentence, his mind just registering what Steve had said.

This must all be some cruel joke. Steve must've found out about Bucky's feelings and was rubbing salt into the wound. Steve never gave any indication that he liked Bucky, but he certainly gave some that proved otherwise. Peggy was still in the picture, though at this point Bucky wasn't sure if she was the background or the foreground.

Bucky didn't understand why his semi-organized life had to just turn into one giant clusterfuck.

"What if you're lying?" Bucky said, his voice so small that he hardly even heard it himself.

Steve sighed. "Would I have kissed you if I was?" No response. "Like I said, I thought you knew. But I am sorry for kissing you. I shouldn't have done that."

Bucky ran his hands through his hair in frustration. "How was I supposed to know? We weren't talking for a month!"

"That's why I've been avoiding you," Steve said. "I can't be your friend when I wanted to be so much more. Not when I knew you'd never feel the same."

Bucky laughed humourlessly.

"So you're telling me— Steve, I've liked you for a long time. But this can't work." Bucky did believe Steve, but the whole situation was just ridiculous. He wasn't sure how long Steve liked him for, but clearly for at least a month and probably longer, they had liked each other and had never known it. If one of them had just said something, this whole thing could have been avoided and Bucky wouldn't have to be so pissed off at Steve.

But there was still one huge problem.

"Why not?" Steve asked, and Bucky didn't get how he was missing it.

"Uh, Peggy!" Bucky exclaimed. "Didn't you, like, just cheat on her?"

"Uh, Bucky, Peggy and I—"

"I don't want to hear it," Bucky interrupted. He figured it was about time he stopped putting up with Steve's bullshit. "I'm not hurting her."

"We aren't—"