Broken Wings

Scared of Myself.

I was sucked back in, and I took a huge, deep breath of air as my eyes flung open.

I was already home, Ben was sitting next to me, holding my hand until he noticed I woke up.

"Oh thank GOD!" He said, reaching for me, and I wanted to lean into him and cry for hours.

But instead I chose to shrink back, scared of touching him. He didn't know anything anymore. I was a complete monster.

"Don't touch me!" I said, tears streaming down my face, and he looked at me, really concerned.

"Lara?" Ben said, reaching a comforting hand out, but I let out a sob, and I leaned up against the headboard of the bed, bending my knees so I could hide away.

"What happened?? What did it do to you??" He took his hand back, slowly standing up.

"Don't come near me, Ben! I'm a monster!! Please, don't.." I said, panic attacks came and went like traffic.

"No, Lara. You're not. What did it do? What did it say?" He said, calmly, but now coming over to sit down next to me on the bed. I shook my head, refusing.

I can't tell him. I just couldn't. He would be afraid of me. I cared about him too much. I needed to leave; I needed to DO something to protect him from me before it was too late.

I wasn't even sure if I saved the little speck of the green soul left in me. I wasn't even sure if it was already too late.

"I can't.. I can't.. It's too dangerous..." I said through sobs.

Ben was silent for a very long time.

"We can get through this. No matter how dangerous this is, I will help you." He said, sitting down. I noticed that he was staring at me deeply, and shivers went up and down my spine. I then noticed that I was shaking like crazy.

"Ben.." I cried. I wanted to tell him. I wanted to trust him. But my head was confused; should I tell him? What if he couldn't save me anymore? What if these instincts were also unnatural? What if me existing in this reality was unnatural?

"Please, Lara. Let me help you."

My mind was so overwhelmed. It was like half of my mind was tooken over, thinking the opposite of the other.

I melted down, sobbing so hard my chest hurt.

Ben practically caught me as I leaned forward, and I cried loudly into him. How dare I not think I could trust him?

"It's alright. We will get through this."

"I'm so sorry.." I said, almost inaudible from me crying myself silly.

He hugged me tighter, and I wasn't expecting him to move for quite a long time.

Minutes past by like seconds as I dug my head into his shoulder, wrapping my arms underneath him and holding onto him like a security blanket.

The other thoughts I had started to melt away magically, and eventually it felt like I was even normal again for a while.

"See? It's alright. There is nothing me and you can't get through."

My breath lost it's rhythm, and I was gasping for breath over and over again.

"Please forgive me.." I looked at him through burning eyes from all of the salt, and he gave me a sympathetic smile.

"Why the hell would I not?"

That made me feel a little nervous.

"No, no, I didn't mean it like that. I forgive you, but you did nothing."

He had no idea.

"No, things are different now."

Ben looked at me, confused.

"Will you tell me?"

I hesitated again, but scooted closer to him on the bed where he was sitting.

"It said that I was MADE to be with it.. I was it's creation." I looked at him, scared of how he would react.

Ben went silent.

"That's impossible, Lara. If you were it's creation, you wouldn't be able to be in THIS reality."

I shook my head. "It all makes since, Ben. It said that the Guardian was unnatural, and that me having another soul; the green one; was also unnatural. That makes it unnatural for me to be in this reality. It was all a mistake. Me existing was a mistake!"

Ben didn't know what to say.

"Who is this Guardian?"

"It's an Angel that comes every time to save me. But it into comes when I wake up from it with you by my side."

He nodded, listening very intently.

"What if me existing in this reality really was a mistake? What if.. Meeting you was a mistake?" I started to cry just thinking about it.

Ben shook his head.

"No, Lara. It's lying. When I met you, it was like two magnets. We got stuck together, and fast. How could it NOT of been meant to happen?"

I looked at him, thinking about it. He was slightly right.

"He was trying to trick you. He was trying to take you away. He was trying to make it EASIER for himself. And did you give in?"

I shook my head.

"Exactly. And we will KEEP refusing. We will KEEP fighting until he finally is destroyed."

I nodded. I trusted him again.

"Alright? I care about you too much to let anything like this happen to you." He said, coming towards me for a tight hug to secure me.

I nodded as I hugged him back. It felt so good to know that he was still there for me.

He hugged me tighter and held me for a few seconds, and then let go of me and placed his hands on his lap, still facing me.

"Maybe today isn't a great day to go and work."

I looked up at him, not sure what he meant by that.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm thinking we need a day just to rest. A day for just you and me."

I smiled, but wasn't sure if it was possible.

"You can't just skip work, Ben. And how are you gonna tell the guys?"

"Easy. If you want me to tell them that today isn't a good day, that can be arranged. If you want to tell them about this, you can. They are very worried about you."

"They are? How come?"

"They got attached to you pretty fast. I think that they know that you're a great person."

I looked down at my own lap. Wow.

"Maybe I can describe a little bit, and then we can rest a little."

Ben nodded, and then stood up and reached a hand out to me so he could stand me up.

"They really were worried about you, though. They thought that I was insane when I told them to drive home." He laughed a little, standing there.

I laugh back, "Well, I guess that you wouldn't really normally go home in a moment like that if you were a normal human being." I smirked, and Ben looked down at me and gasped.

"Hey! You're completely normal! Don't say that" He said seriously, but then laughed a little.

"Alright, alright. Let's go." I said, smiling.