Broken Wings

Just thinkin

People don't know what it's like to be me. Nobody does.

Nobody knows what happens deep inside the empty mass of my body. Nobody does.

Nobody truly knows.

As I slept in the black darkness, I was trapped in my mind. I was grateful that it wasn't the other way, but I still sometimes wish I could just sleep in peaceful dreams. I want to know what it's like to have a little welcoming dreamland to greet when you go to sleep. To me that will always be the opposite. It's just the way it is. But I hate it.

What if Ben is saying all of those comforting things just to make me feel more emotionally stable before the demon actually takes me over? What if it was all just lies that he told me? Why do I choose to trust him?

I mean, I know that him and I are VERY close, but what if all he wants me to be is happy? Does he actually believe I'll be alright?

Or is he just preparing me for the worst?

I still had to really think deep about these things. Especially after the last attack.

I honestly have thought, or KNOWN for a while that this red creature is Satan. I just know it.

All the descriptions are correct. The creature has two black eyes. But they're really hard to look into. It kinda gives you a physical pain, but way more emotionally.

You can just see the death in it's eyes. How much it's addicted to it, and how it yearns for more.

Am I that creature's creation? Was it telling the truth to me after ALL this time of fighting it? Why would it in the first place?

Am I Satan's daughter?

But what about my other parents?? The parents that I killed so I could be free from the house that I was held hostage in for so many years. Were they my real parents? Who were they?

I remember that when I was born, I had none of the traits that my parents had. Mother had blue eyes, Father had brown. I had one green.

I have really pale skin, and long, dark brown hair. Mother was nicely tanned and had blonde hair, and as for my Father, really tan and brownish-reddish hair.

Ben never really knew my parents. He once saw them in a photo I showed him, but then again I never met ANYONE until I freed myself.

And my teacher at school.. He found me on the streets the day I escaped, and he took me and gave me an education at the school.

Preacher Walter. That was his name. Then again, I was tooken into a VERY religious school. It was a school at a Church, after all.

Maybe we should contact him once more. Maybe this is a very important discovery. He probably would know what to do.

Ben and I will still stay strong for eachother, and we will continue to fight for my life as long as we can. I, especially, will refuse to give in until the end. Ben has said he will always too. I trust him with my heart and soul.

When I want to, I can close my eyes, and I can reopen them to almost a new vision. When I want to, I can see people's souls right where their heart is located. I mean, the heart IS called the door to the soul, anyhow. It would only make sense.

I moved into more of a comfortable position on the couch, flipping so I was facing towards the back rest. I realized Ben was laying down, also sleeping. We were sharing the warmth of the blanket together.

I can remember what my Mother's soul looked like. It was like the reflection of the moon. As for Father's, his was very bright. Like the sun. Two complete opposites of eachother; but they loved each other very deeply.

Oh, I sometimes wished I didn't have to kill them. I can't help but wish over and over again.

The only positive part about that event was that they got their life dream. They died together.

I shook my head softly, rubbing my cheek against the pillow. I need to stop thinking about that now.

The one that seemed the most unique, except for the dark, evil looking black soul that filled me like ink, was Ben's soul. His was so beautiful, sometimes I looked at his just to look at it. It looked like art.

It was a bluish green, and it was so beautifully bright.. It looked like wings. The wings flapped powerfully for as long as I can remember.

It kind of made me feel in a better mood to think about Ben's soul. Imaging it gave me the chills.

When I first told Ben about my secret, me and him were as close as ever. We would meet at the back of the school at the end of the day EVERY single day. I only had one class with him during the day. Science. Right after science we would go sit in the corner of the cafeteria, and eat together. We stuck with each other until graduation.

People would always say things about me, and since Ben was so scary because of his height and muscle mass, he would protect me. Sometimes he would get overprotective, though. He once got into a fight with a really popular dude in the hallways because he shoved me into a locker one day. I couldn't make him stop that day, he was so furious.

I'll remember that day forever.

People would always make jokes and rumors, saying that me and Ben were dating. But everyone knew that it would never happen.

But after everything was done at the end of the day; after we met at the end of day in the back of the school, we would go to a little park down the street, and go sit at a pond, and laugh, and have fun. He was the only person that could make me feel happiness, after all that I went through.

I loved him as a brother, and I still do. I always will.

When I was on the streets during highschool, and when he still lived with his parents, he would come to the park, where I slept underneath a certain tree Right next to the pond, and bring me food, and blankets. He would Sometimes spend the night with me underneath the tree to make sure I was okay at night. He would tell his parents that he was going to spend the night at a "friend's house". They didn't mind. But secretly, he was actually underneath the tree with me. I would snuggle up to him, and he would wrap his arms around me.

I still remember that feeling. It gave me such a comfort.

It would just be weird if I still did that anymore. Rhiannon was dating him now, and we were just highschool kids then.

I do sometimes miss those nights, though. Those cool, fall nights under the tree with my best friend. Listening to the pond as I fell peacefully asleep.

I could imagine it now..

But those were just childhood memories. Im glad I still have those, after everything I went through to achieve them.

He would write lyrics in the back of class almost every day, pretty much skipping the day's notes to take time for himself. We were both very anti-social during highschool. People seemed to hate us for it.

But that doesn't really matter now.

I sighed, slightly opening my eyes, and looking down at the opposite side of the couch to see Ben, sleeping peacefully. Probably dreaming about something as the main menu of the Star Wars movie played over and over again.

I nudged him, and he opened his eyes and squinted over at me.

"Hm?"

I just smiled and sat up, flopping over to hug him, slightly getting comfortable while on top of him, hugging him tightly.

He smiled, and flipped so he was laying on his back, and then he hugged me back drowsily, slowly going back to sleep while he was still hugging onto me.

I yawned drowsily, too, and started to fall asleep again, hugging him too.

I smiled as I continued to rethink happy little childhood memories. It felt very therapeutic.

I guess rest was the best option, after all.