NUMB

Day Seventeen - Elyse

I have trouble sleeping tonight. Edie falls asleep almost immediately after she climbs under my blanket with me. I lie awake and watch her sleep. After a couple of hours, I move slowly off the bed—pausing every half movement to make sure that I have not woken Edie.

Moonlight spills into our room through the window. The chair is still underneath it, so I perch myself on it and let my eyes wander across the world beyond the bars. The sky is clear tonight, a deep blue-black color that is dotted with stars. The moon is halved, but still bright. It makes the concrete of the wall look like it is glowing and illuminates the ground below.

It is almost time for the Wardens to change shifts. I turn my focus to them as they begin to move. The way they move is like clockwork, smooth and without error. It only takes a few minutes for the new set of Wardens to take over the posts by the gate and along the wall. I stare at the post directly across from my room. At the small alcove directly above the gate.

Jet is there tonight. He is facing the wall of the Compound, standing so it appears he is looking in my general direction. I am not sure if he is able to see me or not. I can only make out a vague image of him, of a human shaped figure with tan skin and brown hair. If I cover my right eye, looking out at him is easier using only my left eye. I can say with more certainty that it is Jet standing there.

He watches the Compound for a while, and I watch him. He starts up a conversation with the other Warden—he is shorter and paler than Jet, with hair that sits in a messy pile on his head. I wonder what it is they talk about. I know the Wardens speak of us sometimes, they do it during our break time where we can hear them. I find it hard to imagine Jet saying nasty things about us. He seems different.

They talk for several minutes before the other one leaves and Jet is left alone in the small gap of the wall. He turns his attention back in my direction. A beat passes and he raises his hand awkwardly, like he is waving.

I duck down and slip off the chair, nearly waking Edie. There is no way he could have seen me in the window. Even if he had, he would not have been able to tell it was me. Right? Surely there are other Numb who cannot sleep and stare out their windows at night.

I climb back into my bed and curl up next to Edie. I swear that I can feel my heart beating against my chest, but chalk it up to my imagination.

I have never felt my heart beating. I do not even know what that feeling would be like.

I shut my eyes and match my breathing to Edie's. It takes too long for it to even out. Too long for my mind to stop racing with thoughts of being caught watching Jet. Eventually though, I drift off into a dreamless sleep.