NUMB

Day Thirty-Two - Elyse

I must have fallen asleep before Edie could come back, because when I wake up again, she is there. I turn on the bed and look at her. She is sitting on her bed, cross legged, reading from her schoolbook. I sit up and notice that my face is no longer hotter than the rest of me. I also notice that I can no longer feel the sheets underneath me like I could yesterday.

Edie glances up from her schoolbook and then closes it. "Good morning."

"Morning?"

"You fell asleep when I went to get you food yesterday." She smiles and sets her book off to the side. "I didn't want to wake you, because I figured you could use the rest. How are you feeling?"

"Fine, I think." I touch my face, but hardly register the feeling. "I think everything is fine now." I notice there is a bandage around Edie's wrist and frown. "Is it bad?" I ask, gesturing towards the bandage.

"Oh!" She touches it and shakes her head. "No, you only scratched me. I'm fine, it should be all healed up in a couple of days."

"That's good." I pause and fix my eyes on my bed. "I'm sorry for hurting you Edie."

"Don't apologize. I hurt you the first day I felt, remember? It's overwhelming. I understand."

I nod and then there is silence in the room.

"Are you feeling up to going to class today? Mrs. B has been asking about you."

"Yes, I should probably go back today. I've been stuck in this room for three days. It will be nice to get out and do something."

"Good." Edie smiles at me. "And you'll be able to keep your emotions in check?"

I nod again. I do not tell Edie that I don't think I feel them anymore. Yesterday must have been a fluke, a one-time thing. I also do not feel physically sick anymore, but I also do not feel fine. I feel nothing. Maybe the effect only lasted long enough to give me a taste of what I was missing, and then it was taken away.

I press my hand against my thigh and think I can still feel the pressure, the weight, but must be imagining it.

A phantom feeling.

But I spend the morning hoping in the back of my mind that the sensations return. If only for another moment so I can experience them more. By the time we are climbing the stairs, I have given up on the idea of me being cured, even a little bit.

I still do not say anything when Edie brushes my arm in the hallway and I do not feel it.

///

I have trouble sleeping that night. I am only asleep for a few hours, I think, before I wake up again. The room is warm, despite the fact that it is night outside the window. Jet is standing by the window, his back turned to me. It is just the two of us in here. I do not try to hide the fact that I am awake this time.

Jet finally notices me and his face breaks into a grin. "Hey sleepy head."

"How long was I asleep?"

"About three hours." He moves closer to the bed, but doesn't sit down with me. "Edie told me that your fever broke."

"It did, I'm feeling much better now." I say. Blood rushes to my face at the look that Jet gives me and my choice of words.

"Oh?" Now he moves onto the bed. "You're feeling now, are you?"

My skin feels feverish as I nod a couple of times. The way Jet's eyes drag across my body makes something I cannot name bubble up inside of me and burst out through my fingertips. He closes the short distance between us on the bed and then he is a line of heat against my body. My eyes snap shut.

His fingers flutter across my skin, barely touching. I can feel his breath ghosting across my face, his lips brush against the skin on my jaw. It's like a fire is being lit underneath my skin and trying to break free.

"Can you feel me, Elyse?"

His voice is close to my ear.

"Yes." I say, my eyes shooting open.

His face hovers over mine, dips only for a moment, to press a soft kiss to my lips. I feel the contact in my toes. I am afraid to touch him, afraid that if I do, this moment will disappear and I will be left alone in my room.

I am afraid to wake up and find myself in a fever dream.

But Jet is running his fingers through my hair and whispering sweet words to me and I am drawn back from my thoughts. He presses soft kisses across my face, down my neck.

I reach up and touch my fingertips to his jaw, run them down the side of his neck and rest my palm on his shoulder. He is warm, his body burning like the sun. I wonder if he is as lost in this as I am, if he is as afraid as I am.

It is I who initiates the next kiss. It is a small thing, unsure and hesitant. But then Jet is pressing his lips to mine again and again and stealing my breath away.

I curl my fingers into the short hair on the back of his head. He presses me into the mattress. My blood is liquid sunlight, burning through my veins and setting my entire body on fire.

I cannot take air in quick enough. Jet's fingers trace a path for his mouth—along my jaw, down my neck, along the curve of my arm, my fingers. He kisses the scar on my hand and I start to cry. I am not sure why I am crying, but Jet is there wiping the tears off my face gently. Kissing them away when more appear.

I close my eyes and he presses his lips to my eyelids.

"You're so beautiful, Elyse," he whispers.

And then I wake up. My pillow is spotted with wetness, from tears that had slipped out in my sleep. My skin is tingling, but other than that faint sensation, I am still back to my normal self.

I try to keep my erratic breathing quiet, breathe through my mouth, so I do not wake Edie. She is sleeping in her own bed for a change and I am thankful for it.

My hair is stuck to the back of my neck and the side of my face when I roll over. I am vaguely aware of the thumping in my chest. I curl up against myself, pull my blanket up over my shoulders. Facing the wall, I begin to cry. I am not sure if it is because I am experiencing an emotion, residual effects of the drug, or if it is because I was crying in my dream.

Either way, I cry until my eyelids are heavy and it is difficult to breathe through my nose. I fall back into a restless sleep just as the Wardens outside rotate their positions.