NUMB

Day Thirty-Three - Elyse (pt. 1)

Jet is in the cafeteria again the next day, during breakfast. He doesn't speak to me when we see each other, but I know why. That other Warden is there as well, the one who had taken Krysta into the infirmary after her fight with Quinn. Beck.

The two of them seem to be having some sort of heated discussion, but the noise of multiple hushed conversations drowns them out so I cannot hear what they are saying. Jet shakes his head, his shoulders slump and then his hands are in his hair. Beck appears to have ended the conversation because he stomps off and Jet throws his hands in the air before folding them over the top of his head.

Edie and Isaiah stop their hushed conversation and Edie turns her attention to me. Her eyes follow my line of sight. She waves at Jet, who sees her and just shakes his head. I stare down at my plate, ignore the wordless conversation going on between the two of them. Ignore the clenching feeling in my chest.

"What's the deal with that guy anyway?" Isaiah asks.

Edie finally gives up on trying to get Jet to come over to the table. Her eyes move to Isaiah and her eyebrows raise slightly. "What?"

"That guy, the Warden." Isaiah points at Jet with his fork. "The one you were just making eyes at. What's his deal? He sits in here with us and eats and I swear I've seen him actually talking to Elyse before." His gaze switches over to me, his expression pinched. "Which is a bit strange, now that I think about it, because Elyse is the most antisocial of the three of us."

"It's something I do especially for you, Isaiah." I say.

"Ooh, someone is in a mood today. What has your panties in a wrinkle?"

I glance at Jet through my lashes, but keep my head down. Flashes of the dream from last night pass through my mind and I have to physically shake them away. Isaiah snorts next to me.

"Oh my God, it's something to do with the Warden. Is our little ice princess thawing?"

Edie sets her fork down and pushes her plate towards the center of the table. "Shut up, Isaiah. You don't even know what you're talking about."

"By all means, girls, fill me in then." He grips the edge of the table and leans backwards, the muscles in his arms popping with the strain on them. "And don't try to tell me that it's none of my business or that nothing is going on. Because I see things, you know. I have eyes that work properly, unlike some people here." He gives me a pointed look before continuing on, "I know that there's something fishy going on around here." He lets go of the table, falls a few inches backwards, and then catches himself. "I mean, Edie is no longer classifiable as a Three. That's pretty weird. And you," My leg jostles when he nudges my foot underneath the table. "You're acting funny. Just tell me what's going on."

I do not say anything, push my food around on the plate instead. I wonder if I were to stab my fork into my hand, if I would be able to feel that pain. The thought is tempting, but I set my fork down on the table and pull my legs in closer to the bench.

"You might as well tell Isaiah everything." I look at Edie. "He'll only pester us until we cave anyway." I do not turn to look at their faces as Edie begins to explain.

Jet leaves the cafeteria.

I drop my eyes to the food on my plate. Press my hand to the spot of skin just below my throat. If I think about it, I can remember the way my fingers felt; the pressure of them, the coolness of my skin. I think about all the things I felt and wonder what things would feel like right now. The bench beneath me, the metal of the fork, the breeze coming from the vent in the ceiling above us that shifts my hair every few seconds.

I think about the dream and how my skin had been bursting with sensation. How Jet had whispered to me and kissed me. It had all felt so real. If I could just have one more moment of feeling, one more second so I could feel it all again...

I press my fingers against my throat, feel for my pulse. I think I feel a slight thumping underneath my fingertips, but it is barely there, barely noticeable. I press harder and harder, until it is difficult to breathe.

Neither Edie or Isaiah notice. They are too wrapped up in their conversation. Then Edie glances at me, asks a question. My hand slips down, away from my throat.

///

The day moves by in slow motion after that. By the time classes are over, I have done nothing but think about being able to feel. I ran it through my head over and over again. This morning, I woke up unable to physically feel, but I am not sure about emotions. Isaiah got under my skin during breakfast. But I do not know if they are genuine, if they are my emotions or if it's the drugs making me react to things like that.

I want to talk to Edie about it, tell her about what is happening on the inside of me, but I cannot get her alone. During free time, Isaiah is there with us. And then Krysta shows up, Quinn following her.

Krysta sits down so she is facing us and Quinn plops down on the ground next to me. His face is bright and he looks healthy. There is faint scabbing along the edge of one of his nostrils and bags under his eyes, but his smile makes them seem less noticeable. I have never understood Ones very well. They cannot feel external stimuli, like all Numb, but they do experience emotions. Dulled versions of them, but they are the closest to a Sensitive out of all of us. I thought Isaiah was a One when he first showed up here.

Krysta immediately starts talking about her day and her classes and some boy who mouthed off to the teacher. I only half listen to the conversation. Jet and Beck are in the courtyard, patrolling. They pass by us and Jet shoots me a quick glance. Beck is talking, more muttering, about something to Jet and doesn't even appear to be paying attention to what is going on in the courtyard.

Once they are out of earshot, Krysta leans forward and slaps me on the knee. There is a faint vibration that shoots up my leg and I stare down at where her hand is resting on me.

"Elyse," she says and I bring my eyes up to hers. When she is sure that I am paying attention, she takes her hand off my knee. "Okay, so I was talking to Jet and he wants us all to meet him tomorrow in the east corridor. He wants to talk to us about the plan."

"You talked to Jet?" I ask. My voice cracks a little and I have to clear my throat to cover the noise. "When did you talk to him?"

"Uh, like yesterday." Krysta rolls her eye at me. "He was in the stairwell when I was heading up to my room for the night. I figured that he was waiting for you. He's in there all the time." She stretches her legs out in front of her and winds a strand of her hair around her finger. "It's kinda creepy, but y'know, in a sexy way."

Quinn makes a gagging noise and I tune the conversation out. My eyes track Jet as he passes by the fence. His head turns in my direction, but it's hard to tell if he is looking at me, or just surveying the courtyard.

I have to tear my eyes away from him after the third time he walks by where I am sitting. My chest tightens, I am sure of it.

I need to talk to Edie.