NUMB

Day Thirty-Five (pt. 3) - Elyse

I watch Jet from the railing on the landing and he shoots a glance up in my direction when he reaches the third floor. I wait until he disappears on the first floor and then head back to my room.

The warmth fades and I feel the emptiness of Numb settling back under my skin.

///

For the second time since I have been in the Compound, I dream of my parents. My mother stands next to me, my fingers wrapped tightly in hers.

I am a child again.

My father yells from in front of us, but his words are muffled. The world around me twists and the scenery begins to melt away.

My mother is in front of me now, balanced on the balls of her feet so she is eye level with me. Her hands cup my face and her cheeks are tear stained. Her lips form words that I cannot hear. My father stands just beyond her, I can see him over her shoulder as he pushes at faceless bodies wearing the nurses' uniforms.

The sky disappears above me and is replaced with gray. The Compound's wall grows along the edge of my vision, overrunning the scenery and turning the backdrop of my dream into a solid wall of concrete. My mother screams something, her hands clutching mine. But her grip slips and I am pulled away from her by the faceless nurses.

I am seventeen again.

The nurses tug on my arms, my shirt, my shoulders. I struggle against them, claw at their skin. I manage to break free and run to my mother. She wraps her arms around me and holds me tightly. I cling to her, bunch the fabric of her shirt up in my fists. Her lips move against my ear, but I still cannot hear what she is saying.

Nurses tug at me, try to pry me apart from my mother. But I do not let go. I strain to listen, to hear what she is saying to me while my father continues to argue with the faceless nurses. Can he not see that they do not hear him?

The world around us is nothing but concrete now, closing in on us. My mother stands in front of me, her hands cup my face and her cheeks are no longer tear stained. She looks older and I am almost taller than she is. Her eyes are still the same as I remember them being though. Dark like the night sky and full of so much emotion. She holds my gaze.

And I hear her speak.

"Ely, I love you so much, my darling. I love you and don't you ever forget that, okay?"

"I love you too, mama," I say.

"I know you do, sweetie." She smooths my hair and a soft smile plays on her lips.

"You never came back." I say.

Something crosses her face and she moves her hands to rest on my shoulders. "There was nothing we could do. You were Numb, you had to be taken to the Compound. But we miss you so much. We miss our baby girl."

"I miss you too, mama." A tear rolls down my cheek, cool and salty as I lick it off my lip. "I want to see you again."

"Come home."

The nurses tear me away from my mother. She stands with her hand outstretched, her eyes fixed on mine.

"Come home, Elyse."

///

I wake up to wet eyelashes and a tear soaked pillow. Edie is in her own bed tonight. I turn and press my face into my pillow, breathe through the fabric. My chest is aching, my stomach in knots. For a moment, I am aware of everything in the room again. The feel of the sheets on my skin; the chill in the air; the icy wetness of where my tears have cooled on my pillow.

I fall back asleep to thoughts of my parents, thoughts of the world outside of the Compound's walls.