NUMB

Day Thirty-Four - Elyse (pt. 1)

I am awake forty minutes before I need to be. Edie is asleep in my bed with me again. After our conversation last night, she thought I could use the company. I let her sleep in until it is time for us to get up and head to breakfast. Halfway through the meal, Krysta and Quinn join us. The conversation is lively and filled with laughter. I smile once, but hide it behind my hand.

Nobody seems to notice it.

Classes go by quickly and during a small break, when we are standing in the hallway, Krysta shows up. She says she is ducking out of her class because they are administering the third weekly today and she doesn't want to take it. I find myself worrying that her avoiding the infirmary will get her in trouble.

But for the sake of keeping my emotions a secret, I do not express such a thing.

She leaves when our break ends and Edie, Isaiah and I go back to class. The rest of the day flies by. I spend free time with Quinn, who talks to me about his family and what his life was like before he was brought to the Compound.

"I was seven when I got brought in, after some dumb accident. Didn't even realize that I was a Numb before then. I somehow managed to keep myself out of painful situations my whole life until then. Y'know it's easier to blend in when you experience emotions." He draws up his left pant leg and shows me the jagged scar that starts in the middle of his calf and wraps around to his kneecap. "Didn't even notice I had ripped my leg open on something until I got home. I had gotten halfway over the fence before my jeans got caught and then I just kind of fell the rest of the way." He slides his pants back down and stares up at the sky.

"My dad was pissed, told me I was an idiot. He didn't want to send me here, y'know. Wanted to keep me at home and just deal with my condition, but then my Gran found out and she made him bring me. She told him it was what would be best for a boy like me." His eyes settle on me and his hair flops across his forehead in the breeze. "Did your parents want to bring you here?"

"I do not think so." I think about my mother sobbing as I was taken through the gate, the last time I saw her. "I think that if they thought they could have kept me and taken care of me properly, they wouldn't have brought me here." The memory of my mother telling me to be a good girl comes to mind and I am finally able to feel the overwhelming sadness it should have caused me. "I'll be right back."

I stand up and leave before anyone can question what is happening. I see Edie's face flash with concern, but I hold my hand up in a gesture to let her know that I am fine. I head inside and take a right through the lobby, towards where the bathroom is. I check to make sure that there is nobody else inside before standing at one of the sinks and staring at my reflection in the mirror.

My eyes are still puffy from yesterday. Not so much that you can tell I was crying, but enough that I can see it. I look different to myself now. It is no longer the same girl with the blank stare looking back at me.

In her place, there is a girl with emotion hidden behind her dark eyes. There is emotion hidden in every crevice of her face, in the line of her mouth and the pinch between her eyebrows.

I stare are myself until I can school my expression back into one of indifference, one of a Level Three Numb. I only leave the bathroom when I am satisfied that I am looking like Elyse again. I head towards the infirmary, to go wait in the east corridor for Jet and the others.