We the fools

Chapter 16: An infinite number of infinities.

SONGS FOR THE CHAPTER:

- All of the stars (Ed Sheeran)

- Stay with me (Sam Smith)

- Lost boy (5SOS)

- Do I wanna know (Arctic Monkeys)

- Love runs out (onerepublic)

- All of me (John Legend)

- Que Sera (Justice Crew)

- Lose yourself (Eminem)

- Hall of fame (The Script)

- If you could see me now (The Script)

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"I have a craving-" I announce, only to be cut off by Luke.

"I didn't know you were pregnant!"

I ignore him and continue to survey the flavours of Wendy's ice creams.

"For bubblegum, triple scoop" I nod to myself and repeat the order to the blond who was waiting impatiently for me to make my order.

"And I'll have a lemon sorbet thanks" luke adds.

The blond (Tracy her name tag reads) just nods and starts scooping.

We collect our ice creams and make our way over to a small metal outdoor table and the chairs scrape

loudly as luke and I sit down.

"So, tell me about yourself." Luke says, looking me in the eyes.

"There's not much to tell" I say

"Tell me about your tattoos"

"Uh, well, I have the infinity sign because a) I liked it and b) it reminds me that there is an infinite number if infinities in the world."

Luke just nods thoughtfully

"And I have the music notes because I love music, and where would the world be with ought music?" I take a deep breath and continue.

"I have the black cross on the side of my wrist because my mother was a catholic, and the solid blackness of it is like my memory of her, day to day, never ever fading." I have to swallow hard as a tear threatens to escape and trail down my cheek. Luke slips his warm hand into mind under the table and gives it an encouraging squeeze.

"I also have her name tattooed small on my right shoulder, with her dates. Another little memory" I give a small smile and continue.

"And I have INHALE and EXHALE written on my wrist to remind me that whatever happens, I am to keep going, to keep inhaling and exhaling, because life goes on. well, at least until we reach the end of our road and are taken into oblivion. Then there's nothing" I laugh bitterly.

"It happens to everyone eventually"

Luke takes our entwined hands and sets them on top of the table, without saying a word. He studies the ink tattooed permanently into my skin, never to be erased. He goes to turn my arms over but I snatch them away, cradling them to my body.

Luke stares into my eyes, willing me to let go until I finally give up, exhausted of hiding things for so long.

He gently take my arms and turns them over, his face and expression unreadable as he examines my scarred wrists. His thumb rubs gently over the raised lines, caressing them. Then he moves up a bit and my breath hitches as he hits the fresh cuts, slowly healing but not very noticeable.

"Why abbi? these are fresh, why would you do this to yourself? can't you see how wonderful you are?"

I look down at the table.

"She sat alone, alone and at home, where her screams were silent, but her mood was violent. Her insecurities hid deep inside, and they did indeed eat her alive. A tear rolled down her face, as her heart began to race, she took a blade and tore her skin, where her depression lied deep within. This went in for days, months, years and until she cried her very last tears. She decided that she had had enough, the world around her was much too tough. She took a gun straight to her head, congratulations society, she's dead".

"You know luke, I stopped believing in monsters under the bed a long time ago, because I realized the monster was inside of me."

Luke just shook his head and gently kissed my wrists. "Your no monster Abbi"

"No monster at all"

And his words give me hope.

Thumbs up if you recognize some of the 'quote' references. ;)