We the fools

Chapter 17: Just an Empty Shell.

- They don't know about us (One Direction)

- Get along (Guy Sebastian)

- American Boy (Estelle ft. Kanye West)

- English Love Affair (5 Seconds of Summer)

- Rock Me (One Direction)

- Just Can't Let Her Go (One Direction)

- Don't drop that thun thun thun

- Year 3000 (Busted)

- Love the way you lie (Eminem ft. Rihanna)

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When I was little my mother told me as story, and I still remember it to this day....

Along time ago, humans had four arms, four legs and two heads, and there was a God named Zeus.

Legend says one day Zeus became angry, and split the humans in half, spreading them across the earth and deeming them to a life of searching for their lost other half. These two halves are called soulmates.

After I had broken down at the ice cream place, Luke had wrapped his arms around me, and told me I wasn't a monster, but that society was the monster.

Sometimes I wonder who my soul mate is, but i don't think about it for very long, because I don't believe in Love. At least not anymore. It's a fabricated thing, made by society to make us think that we need someone, that we can't be independent.

It makes us think we need to lean our life on another human being, so that when they are gone, there is nothing left of us. And if society was a monster, maybe love was a monster.

I wasn't always like this, I used to be your typical little kid, believing in princes and princess', believing in true love, love at first site and a happily ever after.

But maybe that's what living with an abusive father does to you, you stop seeing the good in people, the good in the world, the good in life, and you start focusing on the negatives.

Maybe that's why I push people away, and I don't let them see the walls I've built up, let along let them knock those walls down. But I have no more happiness inside of me. I just feel like an empty shell, I feel nothing, I feel numb.

Right now, I am curled up on the couch next to Luke, a blanket over me and my eyes focused on the movie in front of me. But my mind is else where.

Suddenly Luke turns to me, seriously.

"How long?" he asks

"Luke, I thought this movie was to make me feel better, not to question me about how long I've been doing this to myself" I say, indicating my wrists.

"How long?" he persists

I lower my eyes, and my expectations.

"Ever since my mother died" I say simply.

"How long ago was that?" he asks gently

I take a deep breath, look him square in the eyes and say

"Eight years ago"

"You were eleven?"

"Yeah",

"A lot of people do it because they don't know what else to do, they like taking the mental pain away with physical pain. But not me, I did it to torture myself, I deserve it. I could have helped her Luke, I could of done something, I don't know what but I know that if I had done something, she would be here." I'm shouting now, tears streaming down my face.

"Abbi-" he starts.

"I don't want your pity Luke" I snap.

He looks at me sadly and reaches up and tucks a loose strand of hair behind my ear. 

"I know you don't want pity abbi, I understand." he says softly, his hand lingering on my cheek.

"You do?" I whisper

Luke nods "yeah"

Then he leans in and places his lips against mine, sending a jolt down my spine and a weird feeling in the pit if my stomach. I press back and the feeling continues.

I put my arms around his neck and he put his around my waist, pulling me onto his lap until I'm straddling him. I lean into the kiss, it just feels so good.

Finally I pull away, resting my forehead against his.

"Luke" I whisper

"I had to do it, at least once." He whispers back

"Twice" I correct him, and kiss him again.

He leans back into the couch and pulls me on top of him. I don't know what's so addictive about him, I just can't get enough.

Finally luke breaks away and pulls me close to him, my head on his chest, and our legs entangled. His hand rubs up and down my back, gentle and soothing. 

I sigh and we lay there in silence, watching the movie, not saying a word, nothing needs to be said. 

But the whole time I was thinking to myself...

Maybe I could start believing in love again.