Looking For Leo

12: Distance

I woke up, feeling cozy and warm as ever. I felt heat warming half of my back as I lie down on my stomach, my face nuzzled in warm covers. I moved around and opened my eyes. Suddenly, I woke up at the bright rays across my face. I stretched around, my hand reaching for a familiar touch, my the side of the bed was empty. I opened my eyes and realized I was alone in my room. I sat up, covered my naked body with the blanket and stared at my empty room.

Was last night a dream? I looked down under the covers and still felt a bit of dried liquid against my skin. I moved and it was still slightly sticky. Couldn't have been a dream. I felt slightly sore, too.

Looks like my lover had to leave soon. I glanced at my phone, grabbed it and checked the time. It was in the middle of the day. I almost had a mini heart attack but realized it was a wednesday. I remembered I'm off today.

I paused for a while, trying to relive last night. Then, my eyes widened when I realized what happened. We made love...and we were reckless.

Quickly, the stickiness between my legs were replaces by sweat as I hurried to shower. I got dressed and headed to the nearest drugstore to buy contraceptive pills. I went back home and took one pill and gulped a glass of water. I stared outside the window as I leaned against the counter, still thinking to myself in silence. 

I just made love to Leonardo. A creature. I looked down. One pill cannot be enough. I took another pill and swallowed it with water.

Suddenly, some sort of feeling rushed through me. I began chuckling. Then, I was laughing at myself. I felt myself blush, remembering how everything started. I walked back to my room, rethinking everything over and over again. I remembered the feeling, I remember...pleasure. A crazy kind of pleasure. The kind that made me lust and love at the same time. I bit my lip and closed my eyes.

Then I looked at myself in the mirror. 

I just did something crazy. No more boring boyfriend cycles. No more boring Wes. I felt new. I felt like a new person. A person that finally took risks. And I wanted to scream in happiness and excitement. I wanted to tell my sister that I felt brand new--but then I realized my situation was not the kind that should be shared by anyone. 

Instead of feeling ridiculous and freaked out, I felt even more alive. I was finally boring no more. I I was finally taking risks based on my own desire. And it felt amazing.

I looked out the window with a bright smile. I felt crazy for crushing on him, but it felt so damn right, especially when I knew that he wanted me as much, too. I sighed and tried my best to resist the excitement in seeing my shadow hero once again that night.

But he never came.

-----

Leonardo glared at five masked men on the computer screen as he sat across the living room. He heard Mikey and Raph talk about the initial process before they'd dive into the crime scene. He glared at them. He glared at everything he set his eyes on that day. He even glared at Donny when he gave him his slice of pizza.

It had been days since he last saw Angela. It had been days since they both made love. But it was his decision not to show up. It was for the best, he thought. He could not lie to her, and he could not leave his major priority. He had a mission now and then and what would happen if he missed any of that because he was busy doing her?

But he missed her. He missed the way she felt, the way she smiled, the way she moaned, and the way she fucked back. But Leonardo knew he could not return. It was too late, anyway, he thought. If he returned now, she would be mad at him for not showing up. He was not even sure if she would even face him. So he tried his best to forget like it never happened. And now, Leonardo was always a vein away from snapping or fighting with his brothers.

And Raphael would always be it.

He despised how Raphael would leave every night to do his own thing. Leonardo suspected Raphael patrolled on his own and he hated it. Not because his brother went on his own to handle things and it made Leo guilty because he had been snugging it up with a girl, but because Raphael could freely leave and Leonardo was stuck at home jerking off to himself instead of fucking Angela.

Leonardo would end up arguing with Raphael for the stupidest or lowest reasons. But Leonardo knew it's his fault. But he would never apologize to Raphael. Because deep down, secretly, he envied Raph's will to do things against the grain. And he hated that Raph had that will and he couldn't because supposedly, he was a leader. The leader of the ninja brothers. He hated it.

Secretly, he wished he could do the same. He wished he could go against the grain and leave every night but Leonardo knew that was impossible. He had so much responsibilities. He trusted his brothers' instincts but Master Splinter trusted him to lead them and do more.

Realizing this, Leonardo knew he could not return to Angela's arms any time soon. 

Later that night, Leonardo and his brothers had caught the masked men they planned on taking down. After the mission, right when they were about to return home through the manhole, they suspected a young girl had seen them from the rooftop of a nearby building. Leonardo's solution was to escape faster before she could follow them. But once they came back home, Leo realized Raph was missing.

After that night, both brothers were fighting again. Leonardo scolded Raph for being careless when he found out Raphael spoke to the witness. He warned him about the dangers of exposing his identity and causing another scandal on the internet.

"Listen, if anything comes out on the news, April can handle it!" Raphael reasoned out,

Leonardo growled, "Oh sure, give April another headache! We're here to lessen the problem, Raph. Not to become the problem!"

Raphael did not respond anymore. He knew it was impossible to win at that point. He turned away and did not say a thing.

Leonardo watched his brother walk off. For a second, he felt like a hypocrite as he scolded his own brother and warning him about exposing his identity to a young woman. It was as if he was scolding himself, he thought. Leonardo left home and went out. He returned to his previous place, a building next to Angela's. He sat in the shadows and easily spotted Angela's window out of a few other similar ones. Fortunately, Angela appeared in one of the windows, but only to draw the curtains. In a second, the face he longed to see disappeared again. Leonardo sighed and defeatedly leaned against the wall.