Looking For Leo

15: To Love

I thought that if I told Angela the truth, she would completely understand and we would happily return where we left off and focus on our blooming relationship with no lies.

But I thought wrong.

Angela is an understanding woman. She is kind and accepting, and loving. But she is human like I also am...kind of. We feel things, and we hurt sometimes.

Angela has the right to feel hurt or to feel angry with me. It was wrong to leave her after we had something special. It was wrong not to show myself at least to check up on her. I was wrong to keep her hanging. I was wrong to make her feel that I used her. 

I should have known better.

And still, Angela welcomed me into her home and allowed me to touch her and kiss her. I thought we would have made up. But it just does not work that way. Again, it's not easy. This path I have taken is not easy. And I would do anything to make it right.

I would do anything to keep her--and I wish I was this sure when I returned to her that night. But I was not certain. I made a mistake again. 

Angela welcomed me back into her house when I kissed her. I thought that was it. But when I began explaining the reason, she pointed out that I was at fault. I agreed. I knew what I did was wrong. But I wanted her to understand that I had a responsibility. I wanted her to understand that as the eldest of the brothers, I am expected to play a role. If I continue the relationship with Angela, it would risk her safety and it would risk breaking her heart.

I told her this. She said she did not care. But I do. I told her, yet she did not listen to me. 

Angela moved her naked body away from me and stood on the floor. She reached for her robe and covered herself. She was frowning at me.

"Angela, I cannot leave everything. I have a responsibility."

"I know that. I'm not asking you to drop everything. I'm just asking that you don't leave me completely. I'm asking that you return to me again every night. Or even thrice a week, hell, I don't care. That's all!"

I shook my head and stood on the floor, "I want nothing in this world but to be with you. But this world has given me a responsibility. Therefore, this city is my priority. And if that's my priority, it means I cannot focus solely on you."

"I get that--"

"--No, you don't. Angela, what would you do if the bad guys find out you're my biggest weakness? I know for a fact what I'd do. I would lose my mind. It would kill me if I see someone hurt you."

"Then we keep this secret!"

"Nothing in this world is kept a secret forever."

"Oh come on, Leonardo."

I sighed and tried to reach for her arm. I grabbed her gently, "I'm just trying to protect you."

"Are you sure? Or are you trying to protect yourself?"

"What?"

"Because it looks like you could come up with a million reasons just to find a good one so you can't return to me."

"That's not true--" I scowled at her,

She moved away, "You're scared. I don't know exactly why, but you are. You're scared of something that could happen if we have this relationship."

"I just don't want to hurt you. That's what I'm afraid of." I muttered,

She sneered at me, "You already did, Leo." She paused, "You already did by leaving me, by ditching me for weeks and making me think like I did something wrong." Her voice broke. It broke my heart as well. I took a step closer but she looked away.

"Angela--"

She did not even look at me, "--Just leave if you're just here to explain how you can't be with me. Because if that's so, then we have nothing else to talk about."

She was right. I was hesitating. But I left her, brokenhearted.

-----

Mentally, I spoke to myself. I was so sure before I even went back to her apartment. But when I saw her cry, it reminded me of my fear. A selfish fear.

I did want her. But she was right, I was making up excuses. Unconsciously, I was trying to make her understand that I could not commit because I was afraid if Master found out his eldest turtle is in love, he would not give me the trust he once had. I was afraid he would think I am weak for falling for a muse.

And I hated myself for thinking that way.

But all of that changed. Something convinced me that maybe this did not matter: it was Raphael revealing that he was planning to drop everything to stay with the girl I suspected he was seeing. He stormed out of the place after we fought.

He entered the place and announced that he was leaving. I suspected something was not right, questioned and confronted him until he snapped. He revealed in front everyone that he was leaving because he wanted to be with the girl he met that night. And it angered me. It was unfair. I was furious because Raphael could do such a childish move just for the love of his life.

Then, I realized I was mad at him because I was envious of his guts.

He would do anything for her. I questioned myself a few seconds later after he stormed off.

Although Master Splinter was probably in a bad mood, I knew it was time for me to speak up the truth as well. I gathered all my courage, tried not to care about what anyone would think, and stood up for myself.

I told them I was also seeing a young girl. I told them her name and how I found her. I told them that this did not mean that I would drop everything as well. But I told them that I only wanted to be truthful. I told my family everything. It felt as if my energy poured out of me after. I walked in front of Master Splinter, dropped to my knees, my head bent down, and I felt tears in the corners of my eyes. I apologized for being weak.

But I felt his hand on my shoulder. He began to speak.

"My son," He began. His voice sounded warm and...comforting, "Love is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign that in the midst of chaos in this world, you still discovered love. If you fell for this Angela, then so be it. As long as she feels the same about you and would do the same things for you." I looked up at Master Splinter, "Just remember that having a heart and using it to love does not discount you of your authority or masculinity. It just shows that you are indeed living." He leaned closer, "And that I have taught you well."

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YOU GUYS READY FOR RAPH X ALICE AND ANGELA X LEO?? COS I AM!!! NEXT CHAPTER IT IS!! LET ME GUYS KNOW WHAT YOU THINK OF THE PAST FEW CHAPTERS! THANKS FOR EVERYTHING.