Only A Kiss (Jaeden Lieberher/Martell) COMPLETED

20

Daisy's P.O.V.

Jaeden stared at me, I didn't look back. I couldn't look at him, I was afraid if I did, he would break me too. I would reveal everything.

He backed up, I swear I heard him sniffle. I think I made him cry. I felt sick to my stomach.

He opened the window, getting out. He mumbled, "Goodbye."

The window shut with a thud, it made it seem like that was my heart. Broken, once again.

I couldn't hold it in. I broke down in tears, rushing into the bathroom. I lifted up the toilet bowl lid and threw up the little contents in my stomach. A mixture of spaghetti and water left my stomach and poured into the toilet. I coughed up the remaining and tried to spit the taste out of my mouth. It literally stung in my mouth, but this was a familiar feeling. It didn't faze me, I just sat down by the bowl, crying.

My head was tucked in my legs, I couldn't do this. I need to get my life under control.

I was shaking uncontrollably, hot tears streamed down my face. I got up to look at myself in the mirror.

I couldn't believe what I saw. I looked like a mess. Tear stained face. Mouth covered in spit. My hair was all over the place. My fat was hanging out of my shirt.

I need to stop this. I need to be pretty again.

I flushed the toilet. It made its usual loud whirring noise. I looked at myself in the mirror again.

Disgusting.

I grabbed a rag and cleaned up the spit and tears. I grabbed a cup that I had and filled it up with water. I opened up my mirror which was then opened up to a bunch of pills. I grabbed the familiar bottle.

Diet Pills

It said in obnoxious font. I pulled out 2 and put the rest up.

I didn't care if this made me sick. I didn't care if I starved. I needed to feel good about myself.

Closing the mirror, I looked at myself and whispered, "This is the price you pay for beauty."

I put both pills in my mouth and washed them down with the water.

I hadn't done that in almost 2 months. Longest I've ever gone. But now that doesn't matter. I will be pretty again.

I won't be what my father called me.

Fat ugly pig. Stupid whore. Worthless.

His words repeated in my head like a song. A sick twisted song that made you question your sanity.

Tear streamed down my face again.

Rage filled my emotions.

"Stop crying," I told myself.

"Crying makes you weak, it means your sad."

I pulled at my hair. I grabbed a bunch off the left side of my head. I pulled. I squeezed my eyes shut, tears falling as I did.

"Don't feel," I repeated to myself. I began to pull harder.

"Don't feel." I pulled.

"Don't feel." I pulled even harder.

"Don't feel." I adjusted my grip, nails digging into my scalp.

"Don't feel." One last tug and I thought I was successful. I thought I couldn't feel pain, since the stinging from where I was pulling stopped. But I opened my eyes soon to realize that I was wrong. The only reason I didn't feel the stinging is because I pulled my hair out of my scalp.

I had stopped crying. My hands laid on the sink. I let my grip go, the hair falling into the sink. I stared at myself. This was my punishment. This time it wasn't by the hands of my father, but by the hands of me.

I was so fucked up. I couldn't live without this abuse, whether it be self-inflicted or not, it happened.

I giggled. Maybe I had lost my mind.

I walked over to my bed, turning off the light.

I laid the facing the ceiling. I closed my eyes, not wanting to wake up.

---

I woke up to slight knocking on my door.

"Yes, mom?" I asked in a questioning tone.

"I'm running late for work. I'll be home at the usual time." She said through the door. I heard her footsteps go down the stairs and the door slam.

Thank god she didn't come in.

But what are you gonna do about your hair?

I rolled my eyes. I would have to figure out something.

Rubbing my eyes, I realized how much I didn't want to do today.

I got up and walked to the bathroom, my hair still in the sink. I swallowed the lump in my throat. I looked at myself in the mirror. I couldn't believe what I did. I don't even know how I didn't it.

You should do that thing you always wanted to do.

It's not like I have much of a choice.

I grabbed my razor from below my sink, heart racing about what I was about to do.

I plugged it in and took a deep breath. I switched it on and began shaving.

---

In the end, I liked it a lot.

I had shaved off the left side of my hair, keeping the rest flipped over to the right.

With this hairstyle it made me look more edgy with my long hair still. I should have done this a long time ago.

I dressed up in fishnet leggings and black high waisted shorts over them. I put on my moon child black shirt and a leather jacket over it. I liked this new look. Maybe I was trying too hard but I didn't want to be the sweet Daisy anymore.

I want a new me.

A tougher version. And I liked it so far.

My phone vibrated a bunch. The boys wanted to go swimming at a local lake.

Well, I'm too dresses for that.

I texted them that I was going. Apparently Jaeden and Jack were already there.

I gotta change.

---

Hope you liked it! This chapter was very emotional I guess.

Bye!