Noah
It's pointless. She hasn't remembered by now, she never will.
I should not have gone to her house. First off it's just plain out weird. Secondly it's pointless. At this point I don't even deserve to be in her life.
I shouldn't have bumped into her in the hall. I shouldn't have went to detention on purpose. I shouldn't have spent all these years waiting.
What the fuck was I waiting for?
Her knight and shining armor to rush in?!
Well he's here now. And of all people it had to be Carter Masonee. The fucking golden boy. Worshipped by all, hated by none.
I'm being selfish. Knowing my intentions, knowing that she deserves better, knowing that my pathetic love is no match.
She deserve a Carter.
So going to her house is selfish. I don't get to do that now. After all these years. It's too late for me.
"Goodnight Noah." She whispered it so quietly that it drifted through the chilly wind before reaching my ears. It made me whole. It brought back memories.
Coming here was definitely a bad idea.
A selfish bad idea.
I put my hoodie on and put my hands in my pocket retrieving my keys. I walked down four houses, until I was in front of mine. I remember doing that almost everyday before...
Walking down four houses until I was in front of mine.
I didn't even bother going in to tell my parents I was leaving, not that they give a fuck, instead I tossed my leg over my motorcycle, put the key in, revved it up, and pulled out of the drive way onto the calm street.
Through my blur vision of passing houses I could see Elijah still at her door, watching me speed away.
There's no way I deserve her. Not then, not now, not ever.
She doesn't remember me. I'm a complete stranger to her, yet she cares about me like we've been best friends non-stop till now. Like she wasn't in the car that day. Like she wasn't in that accident. Like she didn't lose all memory of me.
This is Elijah Reef. She cares about strangers and she has an obsession with music and she cries over disney movies and she was once the only good thing in my life.
And I'm selfish for wanting her to be that again.
Over the years my love for her grew, past anything innocent, past just best friends. And then I lost her, yet my love did the opposite of dispersing. It flourished.
I should've been there for her, I should've went back to her. Why didn't I just go back to her?
I gripped the handle bars tighter, increasing speed as I as got onto the freeway and drove.
I need to get Elijah out of my head. The girl has been there almost every day since we fucking met.
I remember the day we met...
Kindergarten. Mr. Rudd's class at Jamerson Elementary. Circle time on the big red carpet.
Everyone always gathered at Mr. Rudd's feet, eager to hear the new story each day, while I tended to the back, by myself.
I never understood why the kids didn't like me. Maybe it was the batman shirt I wore everyday. Majority of the class were superman fans. I knew this and still happily wore that shirt every chance I could.
Now that I think of it, that's a pretty ridiculous justification for the situation but it's all my five year old self could think of. It was the only logical reason for my lack of friends. So for the first month of kindergarten I sat alone on the carpet during circle time, I played alone at recess, I ate alone during snack. A month that seemed like years back then.
