COMPLETED • If I Die Young // A Brittana Fanfic

Stage 3: Depression

Today's the day. The day I never thought I'd have to face. Brittany's funeral is in 3 hours. When I looked at Brittany I saw us being together forever. Not sure if as friends or more, but I just knew we would always be together. I'm not really sure how I'm supposed to feel right now. I don't really feel much of anything. Everyone has been moving on with their lives slowly, but I don't even know where mine has left off. I just feel....lost.

—
*RING...RING...RING*
"Rachel?"

"Santana? Wait this is her right? Santana never calls me by my first name."

"Berry, I need your advice right now."

"Okay, what's wrong?"

"Do you think....I should go to Brittany's funeral."

"Hmm...I'm...not quite sure. You're entitled to your own decisions. However if it were me, I would attend. Yes."

"Why can't you ever give me a straight answer dwarf.."

Rachel can basically feel Santana roll her eyes through the phone.

"Brittany would want you to go. Do what feels right. Follow your heart. Quinn and I would be more than happy to sit with you. If you'd like of course."

"I'll think about it. If I'm not there, you know what I decided."

She hangs up.
**
"Thank you all, you may be seated."
The pastor announces into the microphone and the crowd settles.

"It's never easy...
It's never easy to lose someone you love.
And it's never easy to lose someone who is so young.
Sometimes we ask why...
Why God?
Why would you take away someone who seemed like they have so much more life to live.
When those times come we have to sit back and remember...
We are not in control. And we do not know the all the answers.
Sometimes we ask why? We pray to receive an answer. And sometimes the answer is no...

Constant sniffles and sighs were heard all across the room. And suddenly in the mourning silence, the back door opens loudly.

The crowd turns around to face the back of the room and Santana comes in behind an enormous pair of black shades and a black hat with an all black veil covering her face. She stands quietly at the door for a moment unsure of what to do.  She didn't even think she would get this far.

"Santana, sit here." Quinn waves sliding over to make room. Santana sits between Rachel and Quinn and they hold her hands. The pastor clears his throat and continues.

"Brittany Susan Pierce may not be here physically but she will always be here in our hearts forever. Watching over and guiding us...."

For Santana, the words seem to all run together. It still felt surreal. It was like she was there but not really at the same time. The only thing keeping her present was the sounds of Brittany's mother crying loudly at the front of the altar and a few students who have said a few words for in Brittany's honor. She can't move though. All she can do is stare at the front of the church where Brittany's coffin is. It's a closed casket, thank God. She can kinda pretend that Brittany isn't really in there since she can't see her. But the wrenching pain in the pit of her stomach lets her know otherwise. This is no dream. No nightmare to awaken from in a cold sweat. This was reality. And it was a bitch.

"Santana? Are you okay?" Rachel waved her hand in front of her face and she jumped.

"Huh? What happened?" Santana looked around in a panic.

"You were just sitting here. The funeral has been over for about 5 minutes now. You hadn't gotten up yet and we were getting worried. I also don't think that you have blinked during the time you were sitting." Rachel said worriedly.