BEFORE DAWN

Chapter twenty

It isn't that I don't care.. I just don't know how to show you how much you mean to me...

Lawerent :

Immediately we left the court room to the lobby I felt something light up inside of me.
There was only one person capable of doing that to me. I immediately scan the room for her, my breath lurched in my throat until my eyes land on her.
She looked so peaceful and quiet as she scribbled on her journal not even aware of anything around her.

I felt at home just by watching her, she was beautiful.. I couldn't stop staring at her.
I knew it was risky standing there even Nathan was beginning to show the fear, but I didn't care.

Slowly she lifts her head and wrinkles her nose.. Something she does whenever she gets bored.
Then she darts them towards me, shock evident in her eyes.

Its too late now I can't avoid what's going to happen.

'Kelvin? ' she starts walking towards me until he stops her.
I shut my eyes, I couldn't bare to see her hurting.
' I know him!' She scowls.

The man looks up at me wth disgust.
' what is she going on about? ' he walks towards me.
I could hear Nathan curse behind me.
I dont even speak.

' what's going on here? ' Dora entered the hall.
' momma this is Kelvin, you remember? My friend from school ' chimamanda turns back to me.

' what are you doing here? ' she touches my face with her tiny hands. For a moment I'm lost in her world until I hear Dora shout.
' get away from him baby! '
'But momma he.. '
' I said now chimamanda! Samuel please take her from him. '
Her hooded eyes find mine.

' so this is what you have been doing? Visiting my daughter secretly at school? Lying to her?. When do you ever stop! '.

I don't think I've felt so defeated in my life as I did now.
' it isn't what you think ' I whisper
She was just a feet from me now.
' how dare you! You made her believe you were a friend.. You made her feel like you cared about her! '.
I look towards chimamanda, the confusion on her face was eating me up.
' I do care about her. You  left me no choice here! '
My eyes were burning with tears. I can't cry.

Men don't cry.

' so did you tell her who you Really are? Did you tell her how you selfishly raped and abused her mother!' Dora was angry it laced in her voice.

In as much as I hated to admit it, she was right. I had lied to the child.
' you don't deserve to be a father more or less a friend! ' she clapped her hands together, 'please tell the truth and get the hell out of our lives! '

I turn to look at chimamanda as she walked towards me. The hurt was so much I felt thorn.
' is it true Kelvin? is that even your real name and are you my dad?'
My heart sank.
' no its not. My name is lawerent and yes.. I am your father '.
It was too much, I couldn't breathe.
' so.. So you lied? All this time you were lying to me.' It wasn't a question.
I need to hold her, I need to explain and tell her I did it for her but instead I keep quiet and allow her eyes bore into my heart.
' why.. ' she was in tears.
Dora takes her hand and hugs her tightly.
' he doesn't deserve you baby. That's enough '.
I still could not say anything.

What is wrong with me..
Dora gets up from their position and turns to me.
' you can do anything to me but I won't allow you hurt my daughter. This is the last time lawerent. I promise you won't get away with this even if I have to die protecting her from you' she took chimamanda and walked away.

At that moment I knew I was drowning in pain at a very fast rate , it was beyond me.
' I warned you about this man! ' nathan was freaking out.

I just needed to see her again, my legs started moving towards the door.

I need to see her again.

I can hear Nathan shouting at me but I don't stop until I see her cuddled next to Dora in the cafeteria crying.

My heart breaks all over again.
' munchkin ' I call out to her.

Oh God please.

' you don't take no for an answer, do you?'. Jaden locked eyes with me stepping in front to block my view of her.
'I'm not here for a fight. I just want to talk to her. '
I sound so  pathetic, well I deserve it.
He steps closer to me, ' how about you get out of here before I lose my fist in your mouth '.

' please Dora I just need to talk to her ' I ignore him. This is really not what I wanted. I hate to beg for anything but this is for my angel and I will do anything for her.

Dora shakes her head, shielding her further away from me.
' leave! ' jaden scowls.

Fine.

I turn and began walking away from her, from the only thing that makes me see the little light left in me.
From the only person that accepted my flaws and imperfections.

I was lost. A broken toy wanted by none.
Yet again I got rejected, I'm walking away from my life... She is my life.
Its hard. I almost turn and grab her but I don't.
Its too complicated, I'm such an idiot.

She doesn't deserve me.
I can't protect her with my shitty life.
Again! I messed up.

As I walk away the only picture in my head is that of her hiding from me.
She must hate me now.
My sunshine.

Dora sat with jaden and chimamanda inbetween them. The judge was back in the room. It was time for his decision.
None of that mattered to lawerent, he knew he was going to lose. He just wanted her to look at him.

' during recess I found out a whole new different story to this case. ' the judge turned to lawerent and then to Dora's lawyer.
' I believe you have questions to ask? '
'Yes my lord.'
Dora sighed softly.
' Mr Lawerent your lawyer stated that my client had deliberately kept your child hidden away from you. Well I need you to answer a few questions for me. '

' okay' lawerent swallowed.
' what is your daughter's maiden name? '
Lawerent looked up, ' is this a joke? '
' no and I advise that you don't make a scene. '
Lawerent looked at Dora and then to chimamanda. Dora's face held no emotion.
' please answer the question ' the judge spoke
' I don't know ' he mumbled.
' what? '
This was stupid!
'I don't know ' he repeated.
' her favorite food? '
That was easy he had taken her out on different occasions. He fucking knew her favorite food!.
' burger and cheese pizza' he replied catching chimamanda's eyes.
There was a little smile in them.

Maybe she didn't detest him completely.

' do you mind explaining how you knew about that? ' Dora's lawyer smiled.
God! He had been played. This wasn't what he expected, Dora and her lawyer were good. He would give them that.

' I took her out a couple of times '. He licked his lips.
' and this was without her parents permission I believe? '
' yes. It was, Dora was never going to let me see her. I had to do what was Right '
' and what was right was to go behind her parents and take her out?'.

Lawerent stuttered.
' so?' Dora's lawyer smiled and took his seat.
Lawerent knew he was done for.
The pressure was too much to handle, he had nothing to say . From the corner of his eye he could see Dora smile and hold chimamanda.

The judge looked up from the files in front of him and sighed,
'I see your client has nothing else to say' he turned to Nathan.
'In that case I have decided to give the full custody of the child to her biological mother, Mrs Dora and then Mr Lawrent is not to be seen any where around this family or the child, for the complaints and charges labelled against him he has been sentenced to 2years in prison and would also break all ties and communication with this family after getting out of jail. This is my final decision. '
He gets up and leaves.

Lawerent couldn't bare to look at her, he knew they were staring at him ..he knew she was also staring and probably very disappointed .

He was disappointed in himself too, he couldn't do anything right , not even protect the one he loved most.