BEFORE DAWN

chapter twenty -seven

Dora watched from the car as lawerent and chimamanda hugged each other.
She could not deny the feeling anymore. They were connected whether she wanted it or not.

' this should have happened a long time ago baby. Things would get better now'.
Jaden hugged her.

They were walking towards the car now, she got out with Jaden beside her.

' hey baby are you okay?'
Chimamanda hugged her, ' thank you so much. I love you'

' and i love you so much.'

Lawerent stood there watching, he had no idea what to say.

' hi' Dora smiled at him.
' Dora i am really grateful, thank you for bringing her here.'

' it's fine' she looked at her daughter's face. The joy was so much.
' i am glad i did'.

Nathan came out,' i am sorry to interrupt but the ceremony is about to start and we have to go in'.

'Okay , thank you Nathan. Please would you like to come in?'

Dora looked at jaden. ' sure'.
If there was anything she would not do is to deny her daughter this happiness that is plastered on her face, for chimamanda she would be calm and maybe someday she can forgive lawerent for all his wrongs.
Someday.

The graduation ceremony had come to an end and everyone was chatting and catching up with old friends, Dora sat down at a corner and watched jaden dance with chimamanda, it was so beautiful she could herself smiling.
' hey can I sit down with you?'
She looked up it was lawerent.
Good heavens.
' sure you can' .
' I didn't come here to fight Dora, actually I'm here to apologize for all my wrongs.'
Dora sighed, she had no idea how to react to his apology. This was something she had been waiting to hear from him for so long and now that he was finally rendering it she was speechless.

' I know we can't be friends, I know I have failed in all areas as a father but please for the sake of our child and everything good that is left , please' .
Dora faces him , tears threatening to fall from her eyes . Her fingers were trembling, all she could think of was the night he raped her, the way she begged him and begged him for her freedom , the way he had ignored her and still gone ahead to defy her.
The sleepless nights filled with tears , the hardships and then she could not just be in front of him anymore.

' I can't..I just can't..' she got up and left.
Lawerent knew it would not be easy to convince her that he was a changed man but he didn't expect her to burst into tears like that. He taught he had prepared himself for whatever punishment Dora had to give but seeing so much pain reflected in her eyes made him hate himself a thousand times more , she had every right to be angry at him. All he wanted was to be a good father to his child but even that seemed far away now.

Nathan was right, a few years of rehabilitation doesn't mean everything would be back to normal. His words echoed in his head.

Dora sat in the car trying to regain her self control, she couldn't breathe and she felt so suffocated. The outburst of emotions was so much that she had to get away from lawerent, she couldn't even bare to look at his face.
The face that reminded her so much about all her pains and agony, the one face she had spent 14years of her life running away from. She felt like life was slowly sucked out of her lungs , how was she ever going to let herself  forgive this man after all he had done to her, how would she be able to live with the fact that he was going to be a part of her life again .
Every fiber in her felt like killing him anytime she saw him but today it was different, it was like all the pain she had been bottling up exploded when he apologized to her, she felt a weight lift off her shoulders and she couldn't help but cry.
How dare you lawerent, how dare you !

After so many years of putting all those memories behind her and trying to forget that he existed, she was now faced with the most difficult decision of her life. On one hand chimamanda was already so close to him and taking her away would break her heart, on the other hand she still wanted nothing to do with lawerent even when she knew he was indeed sorry.
She cried the more.
Jaden opened the door and sat with her,
' if you are here to tell me to forgive him then don't even ask' .
Jaden sighed,
' I am not , for the first time Dora I think I understand your pain.'
Dora looked at him, confusion filled her .
' I can't say I understand how being raped feels but I'm not going to tell you not to grieve and fight if you have to'. He helped her hands.
' sometimes it's okay to fight and cry if you have to, you have been holding it all in for so long . It's time to let it all out' .
Dora Hughes him, she knew he would understand her. He was the only one that knew how hard this had been for her.
' a part of me wants to forgive him jaden at least for chimamanda and then the other part just wants him gone for good. I don't even know what to do anymore , seeing him apologize today made me realize how much hatred I have for him and how long I have been waiting for this'.
' you are the strongest person I know and I will definitely support any decision you take, just think about it Dora.' Jaden kissed her face and left .

It was up to her now, either to keep holding on to her nightmares or to give chimamanda a chance to connect with her father. Deep down Dora knew she had to forgive him, the only problem was she wasn't sure she was ready to let go.

This was the longest night of her life.