BEFORE DAWN

Chapter twenty Eight

                          Lawerent

' I can't.. I just can't...' Dora's voice kept playing in my head through out the night. It was like ten thousand pins pricking my skin all at once.
For all it was worth I hated myself for what I had done to her too, I truly wanted her to see how sorry I was and how disgusted I felt for what I had done.
I had let infatuation and lust drive me insane and now it has put me in jeopardy, I wasn't even sure chimamanda wanted me anymore.

Jaden had promised to talk to her before they left last night and I won't even blame him if Dora refuses.
I grabbed the picture of chimamanda on my night stand, she was all I had left and loosing her after all these efforts I have put in would be the death of me.

She was my light and loosing her would be the death of me.
I needed to go out and get air, the more I sat here in my room the more I loose it.
Lilian was right outside my door,
' hey , I was about calling you' , she smiled.
' yeah I was about stepping out but you can come in.'
She walked in slowly, looking around my room. She was a petit woman but she was strong and beautiful.

' so how did it go?'
' not bad... not good either. I mean they came but it's gotten more complicated now' I sigh.
' I'm really sorry about that lawerent' she held my hand.
I don't know what exactly pulls me to Lilian but she always has a way to make things better.
' I mean I want to believe that things would get better after rehab but I would be lying to myself. How did I even get here?' I breakdown.

Lilian moves closer to me and wraps her arms around me.
' I can't tell you it gets better lawerent because I don't know that, but I know you should not just give up easily. Your daughter needs you and sooner or later Dora would realize this.'

I want to believe her so bad, I would just about believe in anything right now if it means I get to keep being in her life, heaven knows I don't want to loose her. I didn't even know where to start to make things right.

' everything would be alright at the end, have faith' , she squeezed my hands and smiled.

' thank you so much Lilian , you have been nothing but amazing and I don't deserve you.'

' you deserve everything good lawerent and more. You have been through a lot already so stop punishing yourself . Trust me I have been there and I didn't actually deal with it in the right manner and it landed me here, so I would be unhappy to see you go down same path as I did.'

I hug her this time, she smelt like cinnamon and sheabutter.
' you did what you thought was right at the moment. I am glad I found you Lilian'.

I could feel her smile in my arms , maybe we did not need to have it all figured out right now but we would. Things had changed so much and I didn't even know how to adapt but there was just something about her that made me feel safe and wanting to try again.

Maybe we find peace in the most uncommon places and love in the most unrealistic circumstances but right now , right here all I wanted was to keep holding her and not letting go.

It was 9:30pm by the time lawerent opened his eyes, Lilian snuggled closer to him. He watched her smile in her sleep, so comfortable like his body was the most wanted place to be. Slowly her eyes fluttered open.

' what time is it?'
Lawerent looked at his watch , '9:30. I'm sorry I could not wake you up, you looked so peaceful.'
Lilian sat up. ' it's alright, we were both tired. I will leave now'.
Lawerent didn't want her to leave at the same time he did not want to look desperate.
'It's quite late , you can sleep over if you want. I promise not to do anything'. He stood up

The look she was giving him was so intense , he could feel it at the back of his head as he turned away.
' alright then'. Lilian replied.
Lawerent didn't understand how a simple consent was making him feel so relieved, he slowly to turned to her and hugged her. He could feel her tension a bit then slowly start to relax in his embrace.
' thank you'.
He knew he was beginning to feel emotionally attached to her , he didn't understand how but he liked it. It has been ages since he felt anything like this for anyone except Dora and that was an obsession. Lilian was important to him and he would never want to jeopardize the friendship they have right now and throw it all away like he had done in the past.

This time he was all open to making a difference and repairing the damages he had caused already, he hoped he could reunite with his daughter and until he had fixed all those broken hearts; he wasn't ready to try anything else.
Family is what mattered more to him at the moment.