BEFORE DAWN

chapter twenty _four

Letting go of the past and it's hurt doesn't mean you are weak or that it even make things easier..it only shows you are willing to try again.

Maybe or maybe not....

Lawerent:
6months , 5 weeks and 3days..
I saw her last and it's been hell or through.
I've missed her smile..her scent her laughter, her never ending inquisitive questions about boys and love and ice cream. It was death itself not to hear from her on a daily basis.
2 years gone in my service time and i still relived the day of her finding out who he is. At least I  had one thing going right in my life now, i have been working on my anger issues.
As the therapist had said ,
nothing is constant...... only the things you let in shall remain
I was ready to let in only the good now.. i would try to change for her..
For my love.
My sunshine..

Nathan opened the door to my ward and smiled, 'it's time buddy'.
These past few months I  and Nathan had become more free and close. At least he no longer shook in my presence and we take long walks together. The judge had decided to keep me in a rehab home instead of the jail, so every evening we had to go down to the hall for meetings.
It was my turn to talk today, I don't even know how to feel about that. Sharing wasn't a hobby of mine.

' are you ready?' Nathan asked
' to make a fool of myself? Sure'. I roll my eyes.
Nathan laughed, ' you will be fine lawerent. Just know that it's for the best...and you have to do it if you ever want to see her' .
He patted my back and left.
He was right, for her.
Everyone was already sited when I waled inside , I could feel their every eye on me.
Shut was about to get serious now.
' so Mr lawerent , it's your turn today. Do you have anything you would love to share with us?' The therapist asked.

No.' Umm yes...i do actually.' Lawerent got up.
'You can sit and talk '.
He looked at the different  faces of everyone sitting there , waiting to hear his sad story... probably waiting to criticise and rain abuses on him.

' Okay. Well my name is lawerent..ummm..you already know that. I'm an addict and hot tempered. I grew up this way watched my father beat up my mom severely each day and I guess it became a habit for me. I'm a rapist' he gulped ,looking down.
' I have a daughter I love so much..more than life itself but I'm not allowed to see her because of my past life. I think I'm a bad influence to her but believe me I would never hurt her. Not in a million years. ' he was in tears now.
' do you feel you can change for her?' Someone in the circle asked.
Lawerent looked up and wiped his eyes, ' I would do any thing for her and if doing this would help then Yes, I'll try'.
He looked at the lady who asked the question,  her eyes seemed  to bore holes into him , then she smiled at him.
Or the first time in months lawerent felt at peace, maybe sharing with these people wasn't a bad idea after all.

The meeting came to an end and everyone started leaving the room, lawerent could see the lady walking up to him from the corner of his eye.

Why would she even want to be near him.
' if you want to feel pity for me, trust me it's not needed.'
He faced her, bracing himself.
She laughed,' not at all . I knew you weren't as calm as you looked. My name is Lillian okoje by the way, an alcohol addict.' She extended her hand.
Lawerent stated stared at her,
She spoke so freely like being an addict wasn't a problem...so free spirited.
' yes I know, I'm too straightforward but it's okay to let people know so they can reject you faster enough'.
Lawerent laughed taking her hand, ' lawerent'.

They walked out together, lawerent didn't feel uncomfortable anymore as he did before. She was funny and intelligent.  It made him wonder what drove her down the alcohol lane.
' So therapy Huh? Did mine last year but I still love coming here.'
' yeah this is what I have to do to be better..i think' he sighed.
' it's not so bad after all, their egusi soup is to die for'. Lillian chuclked.
'Yes I always look forward to it.' He smiled to.
' so this is me' she stopped in front of a white car.
' oh yeah I forgot you don't stay in camp'
'Yeah'
The silence was awkward.
' so I'll see you tomorrow? ' lawerent asked.
' mauve you will. Goodnight lawerent' she got into her car and drove off.
Lawerent stood watching her car fade away into the night, before dailing Nathan's number.
' tell me you didn't escape!'
Lawerent laughed, ' relax I'm at the car park,  I'm on my way back already.'
' Okay...did anything happen?' Nathan asked.
'Nothing why?'
' you sound different, happy if I dare say'.
'Shut up Nathan. ' lawerent ended the call.

Happy?!
Yes he enjoyed her company this night but Happy? It was impossible.
As he walked back to camp he couldn't help but smile at how lovely and yet mature her voice sounded. She was a breathe of fresh air.

Okay stop!
'Welcome' Nathan smiled as he walked into the house.
'Get that grin off your face young man, nothing happened.' Lawerent shrugged.
' I know of course you would not try anything stupid. It was just sweet seeing you interact withpeople that's all'.
'Sweet? Nathan I think you have forgotten that this is a recovery facility for addicts. ' he sat down
' there is nothing sweet about it'.
Nathan laughed.
'Anyways I'm a little happy that she was also an addict, I mean I don't have to feel wierd or awkward around her'.
' sure. Whatever you say.'
Nathan opened the door and left lawerent to himself.

Maybe he wasn't going to spend his remaining time here alone, Nathan was right in a way, she was sweet.
Maybe having a friend won't be that bad.