cotton candy stitches

june 13, 2018

I sloppily pour pancake batter into the pan, hearing the instant hissing sound. I smile slightly.

I love cooking and baking. It's extremely therapeutic for me. But the carnival will always be my first love. I had made some pancake mix last night and I promised my brothers that I'd make them some.

"Smells delicious, sweetie," my step-mother, Lindsey, says as she enters the kitchen. I turn around to look at her. She gives me a big smile before taking out four eggs from the fridge.

"Your dad wanted to sleep in. Is Evan coming over today?" Lindsey gives me a peck on the cheek before pulling out another pan and cracking an egg onto it.

"Yeah, but we were planning on going to Target for movie night. Do you mind? Because it's your house and-" She shushes me as she flips the pancake for me. Whoops, I forgot about it.

"Of course not. I love Evan. He's such a sweet boy. I don't understand why you're not dating him." I give her a groan before plating the pancake and pouring another one in.

"He's bisexual, Linds. So like, he likes girls and guys, but he leans more towards guys," I explain briefly. She gives me a nod of understanding before rubbing my back tenderly.

"Ah, okay. But still. I just want you to find someone, sweetie." I kiss her on the cheek. She really is the mother I never had. I smile at her as we continue cooking in comfortable silence.

➵

Evan and I aimlessly wander around Target, laughing along to a stupid joke he had made.

"I gotta go grab some stuff I said I'd grab for Mason." Mason is my brother. I have three: Mason, Jesse, and Ian. Jesse is the oldest, then me, then Mason, and finally baby Ian.

Evan gives me a quick smile before saying, "Okay. I'll meet you in the chocolate section." He walks off, giggling to himself like a madman. Kind of scared of him, not gonna lie.

After watching Evan scamper off like a mouse, I walk into the book section. I scan the numerous amounts of books, searching for Mason's specific book. See he's paying me back later, so I don't mind buying him this.

Suddenly, I feel someone tap my back.

"Yeah, Ev?" I turn around before realizing it's not Evan. My heart rate starts to increase as I take a step back.

"Unfortunately, I'm not your gay friend. Fortunately, I am your dashingly handsome middle school bully that wants to apologize for what he did in the past." His hands find mine, but I jerk my hands away. My words catch in my throat and all I can manage to do is slap him.

He recoils back in pain, but looks at me with soft eyes. What.

"I guess I deserved that," he chuckles before trying to move towards me. I take more steps back.

"Oh, you deserve a lot more," I growl before deciding that the book isn't there. I'll have to tell Mason they didn't have it.

I storm out of the aisle, nervously looking for Evan. I'm so glad I don't hear any footsteps follow me. But it's not long before I hear a loud groan of frustration.

"Goddamnit, Igloo!" I bite back my tears as soon as I hear that name. Every damned memory from middle school slips back into my mind when I tried so hard to forget them.

Igloo was a name they called me because I was conveniently chubby and I always acted cold towards everyone. I mean, I had no friends and everyone made fun of me. What was I supposed to do?

Other names included fat ass, dumbass, and mosquito face. They seem so trivial, but when you're constantly told them everyday, 24/5, you start to believe what they're saying is true.