Reviews [CLOSED]

Forever

Reviewed by: smilesandlullabies

Author: apotterhead394

Cover: 4/10

Being brutally honest, I do not like your cover at all. If I was judging your book by its cover, which is how I decide whether or not a book is worth exploring any further, I would not click on yours. Why? First of all, your title does not stand out. It's dark and bland, and almost merged into the dark image behind it, which, I also am not too fond of - it seems tacky, sorry. On the positive side, I like the little slogan thing at the bottom, and the way you've positioned your title and name, it works well.

Description/Summary: 8/10

I love how it's been structured, and what you've written definitely did have me intrigued, because it was written well - well done. However, the grammar wasn't 100% accurate, I'm not an expert but, I do know when things don't work how they should and I think that, with some simple and small changes, you could definitely fix this up. Overall, your description is amazing, and I do commend you for that.

Chapter One Review: 7/10

So I'm also going to be judging your prologue here, as well. Let's start with the good. Your descriptions are amazing! I cannot commend you enough for them, well done! Your imagination is clearly vivid and you missed no detail, it was pleasurable to read. The description of the pain that Cara is feeling, was so well expressed and so beautifully described, it was brilliant. Also, the structure of chapter one was brilliant; and the way that you ended it, very good. However, the grammar was still not up to scratch for me, and it made it harder to read than most, well written books. Your vocabulary was good, but the way you worded some parts were overwhelming and just didn't work for me, and this is the prologue that I'm mainly talking about now. (There were some poorly arranged sentences in there - they just didn't flow). The last thing that I want to mention about chapter one, is it's length. It is incredibly short, and not much happens in it. I understand that it's probably an introductory chapter, however, it didn't have me as hooked as your prologue did. If I was reading your book, I would probably stop here, because chapter one just doesn't reach the content standard of the prologue.

Activity of Writer: N/N

This one can't really be answered, seeing as you haven't received any comments or active readers just yet, however I do believe that you'd be a very active and engaging writer and I hope that fans come flooding in, very soon for you!

Plot: 10/10

I look for originality and creativity. I look for different. Your storyline is original, and creative - I've never read anything similar to it - which is why this book was so good to read, for me. The character development through Cara, is amazing and I can see so much potential for this storyline to be so successful. Overall, the plot, is definitely the best thing about your story, and at the end of the day, it is the most important thing - everything else can be altered and fixed but if the plot isn't good, then there's no hope for a story.

Overall Advice:

Your story did pick up in chapters three/four, so my advice to you would be to reread the first few. Maybe get somebody else to? Just to fix up the grammar, and sentences that didn't work so well. Also, when Cara's parents suggested that she move away for a while, that part wasn't very well described. To me, it seemed that she had just sat on the sofa after cleaning her home, and then she was agreeing to go and stay somewhere else. Her parents need to be properly introduced here, as I had no idea where they came from, and might I suggest that you add some more detail to their visit, to add length to the chapter and to give the readers and insight to her family. Finally, do not stop your writing. You clearly have an imagination, and a lot of creativity inside you. Your vocabulary is so impressive and there is so much potential for your style of writing, I really hope that you achieve everything that you want to, out of this story.

Overall Rating: 7/10.