Reviews [CLOSED]

Was It Fate?

Reviewed by: faithavelina

Author: Heart_of_Dandelions

Cover:

I think your cover is beautiful. I love the chalky quality to the image and the way the image has been layered. I see that it was designed by @speedocks, so I won’t use too much space on it, but I think it was a good choice. The only thing I might suggest is not using “Written by” above your name. This is only because the cover is already quite busy, so keeping the text as uncluttered as possible would look most appealing.
[10/10]

Description/Summary:

So right off the bat, I think the summary is good, it just needs some reviewing. It’s largely stylistic.

I think there should be some kind of page break/divider between your summary and the awards, especially since you end so strongly. I think the summary just reads sort of lumpy. The repetition of certain words and the segues are a bit awkward. I like the tone, and it leaves the reader wanting more, I’m just hesitant about the flow. I suggest you record yourself (or someone else, if you’re like me and hate hearing yourself recorded) reciting the summary and listen to it audibly. It might give you some new ideas regarding the phrasing.
[7/10]

Chapter Review:

I like the detail of your writing. You set scenes up very nicely, and your character descriptions are good. I got a good sense of Daisy’s innate goodness very quickly. I was also really captivated by the way you introduced the snake and, consequently, her power. I was a little bit disappointed when you went on to break down her abilities so bluntly after the interaction with Polly. Up until that point, you’d written like you had faith in your readers, and to change the tone to be so explanatory seemed counterproductive.

Chapter two was a little bit lighter. Oliver and Gray were fun to read about, though it did make me question the relevance. I was a little bit thrown by Oliver’s dialogue, as I’ve never met anybody who talks like that, but maybe that’s intentional?

The more I read, the harder I found it was to keep up. A lot of different characters and dynamics are introduced in Chapters 1-5. I’m not very familiar with the genre, so maybe the style isn’t uncommon, but I found it really confusing. I think you’ve got a knack for descriptive writing, but I saw less of it after Chapter 2, and I just found myself having to go back and forth a lot. Again, take my comments with a grain of salt since I don’t usually read the genre.

[6/10]

Activity of the Writer:

You don’t respond to every comment, but I don’t think that you have to… you reply to a lot of your comments and you answer questions. I think readers will feel engaged and connected to you! [10/10]

Plot:

The pacing feels a little bit sporadic, and the storytelling seems to jump around a lot. I think parts of the confusing nature are intentional, but I also struggle with understanding the overall plot. I might just need to read more to understand it.  

I do think the ideas are original. It reminded me a little of the Charlie Bone books, but in a good way.

[7/10]

Overall Impression:

You’re clearly a good writer. You have a lot of really great components to your work. I think it just feels inconsistent in tone. Part of that is the rapid scene changes and the short chapters, but I think it might also be an aspect of the genre I don’t understand?

Overall Advice:

I think having people who you trust to be honest with you, maybe people who aren’t big readers, take a look at your work and getting their feedback is a really great thing to be doing. Keep doing review books and asking questions. It’s a really difficult thing to open your work up to opinion, so I think submitting to reviews is smart and brave.

I think Daisy’s chapters are solid. I just couldn’t keep up with all the different narratives.