Reviews [CLOSED]

One Wish

Reviewed by: Annie_Moon2001

Author: DarkRoyallty

Cover: 5/10

This cover doesn't really suit the book. The cover describes one thing and the book another, It's a total contrast. Even when I really love the font and the picture, I'll still advice you to change the cover.

Description/Summary: 7/10

The story is pretty nice. This description needs to be brushed up(edited).

Honestly, this description/summary doesn't do just to the plot. But if you decide to keep it this way, there are some things that you can try adjusting.

The first sentence seemed like a turn off. You can try reasearching for some water bodies in New York and make use of one of them rather than stating there that the underwater kingdom is in New York. Or you can give it a name that doesn't exist and still say it's in New York. (The book is fictional, so no one can criticise you on that.)

The second paragraph seems somewhat unreal. Why will she grant him a wish if he doesn't ask? That's the question someone will ask on reading that paragraph. (I know he did ask for a wish, but I think you should indicate that fact.)

I think you should make use of another sample. Truthfully, the one you used is not really attention grabbing. Go through your book and just make use of a part that when one reads it, they'll want to read more.

It doesn't really seem great to write sample. I'm not quite sure how to explain this. I think you should try starting with the sample (do not write sample), then use some kind of symbol as a line to demacate the sample from the write up. It will look more organized but if you have any other idea on arranging this without writing sample, then that'll be great.

Chapter Review: 7/10

The story is really interesting. I love the pot twist. I swear, I could have bet an arm because I was so sure that Kailnai will end up with Canice. I didn't see the whole Kailnai and Dakota ship sailing.

But, it's really frustrating when while you're reading, you'll be trying to figure out who's talking. Try using paragraphs between the dialogues. It will make it easier to understand, as well as look really organised.

I'm not quite sure how to explain this. There are a lot of tense shifts. You are not making proper use of your punctuations.

Activity of the Writer: 10/10

The writer has barely any comment except for chapter 16, and replied to that comment. On her conversation box, she replied to every comments.

Plot: 7/10

The story is really creative and interesting. But, it's a little bit fast paced.

The characters were not given enough spotlight, well except for the part where they had to rescue Kailnai. I didn't even know when Dakota and Kailnai's relation escalated.

The organisation of your writing is really lacking. Try giving spaces between your dialogues.

Any Other Thing:

I love the title you gave the book. At first I thought it was somewhat dumb. (I'm sorry about that.) After reading the book, I ended up eating my words. There's no other name that could actually suit this book. The name meant that every single thing started with Canice asking Kailnai for a wish which all mermaids can grant.

Overall Advice:

I'll advice that you edit the description, as well as the plot. A change of cover will be a great idea too.

I'll be giving this book an 8/10.