I glanced out the window at the clouded skies that left pools of water in ever dip in the street, every crevasse of the grass and and every crack in the sidewalk . As my eyes followed the street up to my house I saw him. And god I wish I hadn't seen him. I wasn't ready for that just yet I wasn't ready to see the water covering his face and the raindrops his eyes had personally let fall. It was my fault and I under stood that, I did so many things I was never supposed to do... things I promised I'd never do... I was such a fool for him and those blue eyes, I couldn't look away and soon enough we were eye to eye. If only he knew what it was like to fall in love with him. He'd never know the way way my heart seemed to come to a halting stop when his finger tips brushed my skin. He'd never understand the effect his laugh had on my mind . I would replay that laugh for hours on end , and picture that smile till I'd was fast asleep dreaming of the next time we'd meet. Falling in love with him was so steady I the beginning, like a careful stroll through the park. At first it was gradual and simple and then it was like that park cane to a end and the path I was following led to a cliff. And of course for some sick reason I jumped, jumped right into love for this boy. He had a sickening gleam in his eyes whenever our bodies touched and I was gone. Falling in love with him was a journey so peaceful to start and then it was a rush, tumbling mid air , adrenaline rushing through my blood not knowing what would come next but just to happy to be on this trip. The truth was Hayes would never in a million years under stand what it felt like to fall in love with him.
And god I missed that boy.
My eyes were glued to his tortured blue eyes through the storm. How is it that this one kid could so easily turn my life upside and make me crave him. Sometimes you want the things you can't have the most. I picked up the cup of hot chocolate from my side and walked down the stairs opening the door to the storm. The storm in the sky had nothing on the storm growing in his eyes . " come inside Hayes . . Or You'll get a cold" as the words left my lips I wasn't quite sure what I was saying or why I was saying it. It was hopeless . We were hopeless. Our relationship was a game at this point and I was made to lose. I wasn't supposed to win , no matter how much I wanted to hold on tight. I wanted to be able to call hayes mine but it was bound to fall apart , disintegrate at my finger tips. As he stepped in my house he dried his face and looked up once again meeting my eyes making me melt like the weak fool I was. He didn't say anything but there was a familiar sadness in his foreign eyes.
"Please listen to me ... I love you, can we please try this again?...please listen I miss you" Hayes' voice was quiet almost broken and unsure of anything he had for the future.
" You come and go in waves hayes... whatever we are always fades away... the freedom of falling, the feeling I had thought was so set in stone it slipped through my fingers the more I tried to hold onto you, hold onto us ... you don't understand- you'll never understand what's it's like falling in love with you! You'll never under stand what's its like to sit in your bed at night trying to figure out what we are after watching my world - you - walk away. All those moments of wonder were pulled away and you left me at my house just racking my brain trying to figure out if you'd ever come back for me ... You don't know what it feels like to LOSE you ! You said goodbye and you broke me... I can't just be waiting on stand by for you to get your shit together. I think it's finally time to let you go... to let your heart find a home , cause it's not me.... I need to let you go, you need to leave"
There was no letting him talk to try and convince me to stay. It all needed to be done with .
((( HEYYYYYYY I know I haven't posted and sorry if this is non sense but it's late and I'm thinking too much so I needed to write something since I haven't written in forever. But anyway thank you for reading and if you didn't understand it's kinda like you and Hayes had a rocky on and off relationship where you felt way more than him and he kept stringing you along making you think y'all could be something more but it never worked. You guys always fell apart and he always hooked you back in and it was just messy yk.... idk 😂 Byee yalll
