BOOK 5: Margaux, The Lost Smile [COMPLETED]

Chapter 3

"ARE YOU willing to tell everything?"

Hindi mapakali ang mga mata ni Margaux. Pilit niyang nilalayo ang tingin sa doktor na kasama sa kanyang kwarto. She requested to have the psychiatric session on their house but she didn't expect that it would be this so intense. Nakaupo siya sa kanyang kama at nakasandal sa headrest samantalang nakaupo sa isang monobloc chair ang doktor na nasa kanyang tapat.

"This would be successful if you will be honest with me," dugtong ng doktor na mukhng nahalata ang kanyang pagdadalawang-isip.

Napadiretso siya ng likod at sandal. Napalunok siya sa sobrang kaba at hindi alam kung saan mag-uumpisa.

"I'm Dr. Isaac Panganiban. You can call me Isaac, first name basis, you can trust me."

Doon na niya nasalubong ang mga mata ng doktor. "I-Isaac," nauutal na tawag niya. Nakita niya ng seryoso nitong mga mata at walang emosyong mukha. Pakiramdam niya ay kaya nitong kontrolin ang sarili na hindi ngumiti sa harap niya. He's her doctor, he can trust him.

Isaac nodded upon she called his name. "Margaux," he called out her name.

She cleared her throat before telling him everything. She pointed her eyes towards her clenched fists that on her lap. Napapitlag naman siya nang biglang hawakan ng doktor ang mga kamay niya.

"Kaya mo 'yan," he said.

She nodded and gave a deep breath. "I-I was bullied," pauna niya kahit na medyo mabigat sa kanya ang magkwento. "D-During elementary days."

"Then?" he said. She felt the courage that the doctor was giving her to continue her story.

"T-They kept on calling me names," tears were starting to form on her eyes. "Pangit. Bobo. Mahina. Walang kwenta. They even cursed me. I couldn't have the life that I will want." Napakahirap para sa kanya na ikuwento ang nangyari but this time she felt she has found the right person that would listen to her.

Lumipat ang doktor sa gilid ng kanyang kama at doon naupo. "What happened to them?"

Umiling-iling siya. "I didn't bother to tell anyone about what they were doing to me. Natakot ako. Baka lalo nila akong pag-initan. I just cried in one place and before I went home, I stopped crying and never let my parents noticed what was happening to me."

"How many are them?"

She wiped her tears that fell down on her cheek. "I don't know. Everyone. All of them."

"Marami sila? Lahat ng classmates mo?"

"Not at all," she answered. "Whoever who wants to join him. He would call out our classmates and then they would start throwing mud at me. They will bring me at the back of school building where noone will find out that we are still there."

"G-Gaano katagal?"

Bigla naman siyang napatingin sa doktor nang mapansin niya ang pagngarag ng boses nito. "Are you okay?" usisa niya.

"Y-Yes. I'm okay. I just get a little bit worried about what happened to you. Can you still tell everything?"

She nodded. "It happened when I was in the third grader. My class was until 3 o' clock in the afternoon but since my parents were working, they could fetch me at 5 o' clock. I need to stay in school for two hours. Everyday that time, for two hours, I felt the worst time of my life. It happened for almost a year and I requested to my parents to transfer me a school the next year. But, time to time, symptoms were starting to come out. I became so lame. I cried everytime I saw someone smiling or even laughing. I always felt that it's me that they were laughing of. Memories of what bullies did to me are kept on coming back on my mind and I couldn't help it but to cry."

Hindi na niya napigilan ang mga luhang bumagsak mula sa kanyang mga mata. Hindi niya mapigilang maalala ang mga pang-bubully sa kanya. It was the worst time of her life. Wala siyang kakampi. Walang nag-aalala sa kanya. Walang gustong tumulong sa kanya ng mga oras na iyon. Tawanan lang ng mga kaklase niya ang naririnig niya. Masaya sila habnag siya'y umiiyak. Walang may gustong maging masaya siya.

Nagulat naman siya nang bigla siyang yakapin ng doktor. Hindi niya alam ang gagawin habang nasa bisig ng binata.

"Tahan na. You will be fine. You will get out of that bad memories. I promise," anito sa pagitan ng yakap. "I will do my best to erase it and replace with good memories."

Pinakawalan na siya nito at pinunasan ang mga luhang bumagsak sa kanyang pisngi. Hindi naman niya alam kung para saan ang kabang nararamdaman tuwing magdidikit ang mga balat nila ng doktor.

Noone cares for me before him.

"Kung ayaw mo na, it's okay. No need to rush everything," ani ng doktor.

"Someone found what they were doing to me."

Natulala naman sa kanya ang doktor na ikinailang niya kaya naiba niya ang direksyon ng mga mata.

"W-Who?" ngarag ng boses ni Isaac.

"His mother. She found out what her son did to me. But she didn't bother to clear it in the office of students affair."

"D-Did you know his name?"

Umiling-iling siya. "Hindi. Hindi ko matandaan."

Nakita niyang napalunok ng doktor pero hindi niya alam kung para saan. Pinagmasdan niya lamang ito habang nakatingin sa mga kamao nito.

"I just forgot them and moved on with my life. My parents did not even know it. Can you please keep it a secret until I recover from this?"

Tumango-tango naman ang doktor. "Of course. And you will recover from this. I promise."

Even has a discomfort because her doctor is a man, still she felt the trust she lost a long time a ago and gain it again through the man she is with right now. Ganoon na lang ang kasiyahan niya sa wakas ay nailabas niya rin at naikwento ang pinakamadilim na parte ng buhay niya na hindi niya nagawang sabihin kahit kanino maging sa mga magulang niya.

I hope I made the right choice to trust you, Dr. Isaac Panganiban.