What's My Name?

Bullshit Filler Chapter

Looking around the restaurant, it's like looking into a box of saltines. Crackers. Crackers everywhere. My grandma looked like she belonged, but by the looks on the dad in the family next to us, I was his next murder victim. The only other empty table was across the room, next to the Brady Bunch™, so I'd take my chances on Mr. Buzzcut eyeing me like a roach in his kitchen.

"So. Let's talk about my baby's victory. I've been meaning to take you out for a while, all these achievements on your plate. And now we've added another."

I smile lightly, unable to take my eyes off the man eyeing me. If he hadn't had much of a scowl on his face, he'd be pretty handsome. He had some of the most engagingly beautiful brown eyes I had ever seen, and no doubt his body was chiseled to perfection. He was joined by three others, all female. From the looks of it, the one sitting directly across from him was his wife, and the others were his daughters. The youngest had his eyes, the sweet chocolate brown swirls enrapturing me in adorableness. She looked no older than two, her brown hair in two little ponytails.

"Victoria," My grandma's voice snapped me out of my deducing commentary. She had just ruined my Sherlock deducing techniques. Dammit, Watson! "Why are you staring at that man so hard? Only one white man at a time." She giggled at her own joke, earning her a The Office style cutaway, where I stare at an invisible camera off to the side of me.

"He's looking at me weird. I just wanted to establish dominance." I shrug, her face dropping for a second as I pick up the menu.

"You're definitely a Logan."

After receiving our food, we ate in a content silence. There was enough noise in the restaurant alone without our voices, so we stayed silent. With every bit of conversation I picked up, I came to a constant realization that there are countless lives other than my own.

"I can't believe that you actually went through with it man! You know your sisters are gonna flip if they ever find out. And that brother of your's...one can only imagine." '

A voice. That voice sounded familiar; distinct. As soon as I heard it my brain didn't believe it. Couldn't believe it. Why was he here? And if he was here then...

"I know Desmond, but I had been holding it back for way too long. She was so tempting..."

My ears felt as if they swiveled in his direction. I couldn't stop listening, even with my best efforts.

"You're a fucking dumbass, you know that? She's a nigger. A nigga. Whatever you want to call her, isn't it. She can't be your girlfriend, Rudy. You're throwing away a good healthy relationship, and for what? Some shitstain with legs and a pair of tits!"

Whoa there Desmond. I have a pretty okay ass too.

"Fuck you, okay? You don't even know the girl for crying out loud!" Their faces are close, and Rudy's eyes are wild with numerous emotions. "She's special to me. She has this...this way about her. The way she looks at me like she can see right through me. Marie just can't do that anymore."

By this time, the conversation had escalated, and more than a fair share of people were shooting nervous glances in their direction. Noticing this, Rudy calmly sat back from Desmond's face and picked up his drink.

Whew. Almost thought I was gonna be on the 6 o'clock news tomorrow talking about my experiences.

My grandma excused herself to the bathroom, which would also include a smoke break, I was sure. She casually implied for me to order dessert, no matter how expensive.

Of course, I went ahead and order a batch of donut holes, which seemed to be the second cheapest thing on this menu.

I inconspicuously flipped through my phone, trying to keep my eyes off Pimmit and Desmond, their voices carrying straight to my ears. Every other voice in the room was canceled out, and like a boy seeing his crush at some dance, a spotlight seemed to shine on Pimmit.

And I hated every second of it. I didn't want to fall in love, but this is what I found myself doing.

What was wrong with me? Falling in love after one fuck? All for me to just be a trophy. What if he just wanted to fuck a black chick, he saw his chance, and he took it. I mean, what happened earlier was borderline rape if you ask me.

So why did I enjoy every second of it?

It was like every inch of headspace inside my skull was singing a different song. I couldn't make up my mind about Pimmit. As ugly as his last name was, I truly enjoy him as a person. But question is, am I ready for a relationship?

I placed my head in my hands, mentally screaming at myself for being such a girl.

"Your holes, ma'am."

Without looking up, I say thanks. Through the side of my fingers, I could see that the waiter was still standing there.

"Oh, I'm sorry I don't-" I look up to tell the waiter that I didn't want a refill, but when I see who it is I feel my face go red. "Hi." My voice comes out breathy, my emotions no doubt easy to read. It was Rudy, in the flesh. Desmond, however, was nowhere in sight.

"Hi," He replies, bearing way more composure than me. "Why are you alone? This is way too nice a place to be dining alone in."

His smile curves to one side, bringing out those weirdly complimentary smile lines that adorn his face. Looking everywhere but his eyes, I notice every detail; every pore.

God, that sounds weird. Was I becoming some weird fanfiction, writer? Gee, I hope not.

"My grandma is outside for a quick smoke break, she's only been out there for a few minutes. She'll be back at any moment." A smile is planted on my face through the whole thing.

I dare not say it. But am I...

"Can I meet her?" His smile is almost boyish, and he scratches the back of his neck nervously.

I lick my lips and smile up at him once more. An inviting smile. One that said 'fuck me please' instead of the preferred 'Sure you can join us'.

"Sure, but only as my coach. Nothing about what happened today."

As he sits down we hold eye contact; the devil's way of seeing into your soul.

Yep. I'm dick-notized. Damn it all to hell. And by a white guy, too. The black manuals didn't prepare me for this. What I look like being tied up and whipped by some dude that didn't know black people tan?

I give him no indication that I noticed him earlier, or that his plus one seemed to be missing. I ate the donuts nervously, scared he'd tell me some complicated white person fact about how donuts are bad for your health.

Like I know, okay? I can't afford a drug addiction so I fall in love and eat shit that's bad for me; the two worse sins in the world. Lust and gluttony. Wrath comes in a close third.

When my grandma returned to the table she smiled at Pimmit, watching him with leery but soft eyes as he stood up to greet her.