Take My Picture

Chapter thirty

"What are you thinking baby girl?"

"I just... what if... are you sure you really want to do this? Like I get it if you don't, I would just prefer to know now, you know, before it all sinks in and then gets ripped away from me again." I don't really know why I have so many doubts about the outcome of this fostering. Demi and I have talked about it before. I know she is in the processes of getting the adoption papers already. It just seems that no matter how many times people try to reassure me that it will last, my brain refuses to listen.

"Harriet, I know that your mind won't let you believe that this will work out. You've been burned in the past a few times and that's okay. I don't expect things to happen so smoothly. I know that trust has to be built and all that can build it is time. I also know that this is a huge change for you and I know it will be overwhelming at times." Demi paused for a bit but when I stayed quiet she was quick to continue.

"You will always have Brinley to help you through this. And of course, Aggie and Elise; just because you won't be in the group home anymore, doesn't mean that you can't talk to them. They will always be around to support you. And don't forget, you will still have Madison to talk to, she will always be around to help you if you feel overwhelmed by this. I know my family can be somewhat crazy," Demi joked at the end. She let out a small chuckle and I couldn't help the small smile that made its way to my lips.

"I know everything you are saying is true, but... I don't even know, I just... I don't want everything to fall apart. I don't even know why I'm so sure it will. I don't know how to express what my head is telling me." I fumbled over my words, having no clue how to explain to Demi what was going on.

Aggie had only left my room less than an hour ago and before that, she spent so long trying to convince me of all of this. There is just this feeling in me saying that I don't deserve this, that Demi and her family are too pure, that I will just ruin everything. And I know, rationally, that that is complete bullshit.

Demi and her family have been through, and come out the other side of so much crap. They are some of the strongest people I have ever met. But my mind is telling me that I will be the breaking point.

What if I cause Demi too much stress or hassle? What if she isn't truly ready for this kind of responsibility? And I know I'm not completely dependent, I can get my drivers licence as soon as I get a few more hours of experience, I have a small but somewhat steady stream of income already.

But I also know that I am not only destructive, but also self-destructive when things start to go my way, or when things get really bad. What if I lash out, what if I cause Demi to relapse. I don't think I could live with that.

"Harriet, it's going to take time, and I know that, but I also know that you want this. I know that you want a family and to be adopted more than you want just about anything. But if you honestly believe that I am not the right fit for that, then I will accept it. You can come and stay with me, I'll foster you but I'll drop the adoption; you can keep looking for your perfect family. But, honey, I truly believe that we can help each other, that you were meant to be apart of my family."

Demi went quiet after that and we sort of just listened to the quiet.

"Okay," I managed to get out in a whisper.

"Okay?" Demi questioned and I could hear the smile in her voice.

"Yeah, okay. You're coming to get me on Friday, right?" a small smile making its way to my face as well.

"Yeah, Friday after school I'm coming to pick you up," Demi confirmed.

Demi and I talked for a little while longer before I made my way back downstairs to see Elise, Jordan and the rest of the girls.