Take My Picture

Chapter eighteen

Harriet's POV

What the fuck is wrong with me? There is no avoiding talking about what just happened, I had a full meltdown right in front of Demi. I don't even know why her touch triggered that sort of response but all the built up emotion seemed to explode out of me after seeing a short flashback of the night I ran away.

I don't know how long I was sitting on Demi's couch staring at nothing, but when I finally felt like I had the strength to get up, I went looking for Demi. I soon found her in her music room hunched over a notebook probably writing a song. I quietly made my way over to her piano and sat down. I started playing around with some of the keys before slowly beginning to play some chords. Demi must have recognised the song because she sat down beside me and started playing the other had that I was leaving out. Not long after I stopped playing all together, so Demi shifted slightly and started the song from the beginning. Just as she was about to start singing, I took a deep breath and started singing the song I had started to play.

I can hear your laugh
It's ringing through the hallways
I can see your smile
It's what gets me through my hard days
And your words, was suppose to get me through my heartache, before my heartbreak
There's an emptiness, that only few ever feel
And I somehow missed, the meaning of love that is real
And it compliments, my scars that will never heal

Maybe I didn't deserve you
Maybe I just couldn't cure you
They told me that I didn't hurt you
Why do I feel like I turned you?
Maybe I don't understand it
Tell me is this how you planned it?
Did you see us so stranded
Maybe I'm too much to manage

And if you weren't gonna guide me
Why bring me into the light?
Must have done something to make you want to run and hide
Why oh why didn't you just live your life?
And every girl needs a mother
And damn it I needed you
Instead you duck for cover
And you ran from the truth
And like kids do
You waited around for proof

Maybe I didn't deserve you
Maybe I just couldn't cure you
They told me that I didn't hurt you
Why do I feel like I turned you?
Maybe I don't understand it
Tell me is this how you planned it?
Did you see us so stranded
Maybe I'm too much to manage

Maybe I didn't deserve you

Finishing singing the song, I quickly reach up to wipe the stray tear from my face. I can't help but feel like so much about that song was written for me in this moment.

"I didn't know you could play," Demi remarked softly. I think she's a little worried that I might scream and run like I've been doing for so long now.

"I've been spending a lot of time in the music room, since.. well since I snapped at Brin and Mad," I told her truthfully. I've been hanging out with Annabel and her friends and they often go to the music room so Eddie can practice. I've just been fumbling around on a few instruments while we're in there. I wouldn't say I could actually play any.

Demi paused and took a deep breath. It looked like she was trying to work up the courage to talk to me. "Harriet, I don't even know where to start." I don't know why but I couldn't find enough strength to act as I had been the whole time with Demi. I was done fighting it. So I sat and waited patiently for her to say what she needed to. "I need you to know that I had every intention of messaging you back but I left my phone at home. And then I lost my nerve because I didn't know how to tell you what I needed to." She paused and I could feel her turn to look at me but I kept my head down, spinning the ring on my finger in circles. "I have read your message over and over since you sent it. I need you to understand that none of this is your fault, it's not because of anything you said or did. It's because I didn't know how to talk to you so I ignored you, and I know that was also a terrible choice but I just felt so guilty. I felt guilty because my management and lawyers have told me that trying to adopt you will be a losing battle and that I shouldn't do it. And I know I got your hopes up and I felt defeated so whenever you would reach out I just felt worse and worse about destroying the hope that you had." I suspected that she couldn't adopt me but hearing her say it, it kind of felt like someone was ripping my heart from my chest. I hadn't realised just how hopeful I was for this adoption.