Lams One Shots

Bleachless//Angst

Trigger warnings: cutting/suicide
Trans John
Johns POV

I sat alone in my room. My husband had cheated on me. We had a life planned together.
I was carrying HIS baby.

I was 2 months along when I found out. He cheated on me, with his ENEMY. Thomas Jefferson.

All that stress took a toll on me. Two months later I am sitting on the toilet with blood all over. I had just miscarried my child. The one good thing I had left. My baby was gone. I sat shaking for hours.

My baby was gone, my husband was gone. I lost contact with everyone I knew.

I had nothing left to live for.

I had no brown eyes to wake up and see every morning. No one to wake up and kiss. No one to be there through thick and thin. No one to call my own

No friends to go to when all else fails. No one to go cry to and then laugh with. No one to listen to all my problems then still give me advice.

No son. No one to raise or give me hope in humanity. No one to love more than anything in life.

I stayed in the bathroom for hour. I looked a previous scars, made more cuts like it was nothing.

Look at where I am
Look at where I started
I'm back to square one

Ah yes, square one. High school. An abusive homophobic transphobic father and a dead mother. But I had Alex, Laf and Herc then. It was hard, but they pulled me through.

Then collage. Alex and I started dating. I started transitioning from female to male. I became the person I wanted to be. I was John. I was happy.

Right after college Alex proposed. We got married and were happy. That was three years ago. We then decided we wanted a baby. I stopped taking T. 3 years of trying and I was pregnant.

Then I found out he cheated. I kicked him out because I was destroyed. I shut everyone out.
I was pregnant and alone.

The stress got to me.

I lost my baby.

I had an idea.

I called Alex one last time, it went straight to voicemail.

"Hi Alex. It's John. The baby, Phillip, it ended up being a boy, was miscarried. I miscarried him. This is my final goodbye. I love you. I'll be with Phillip soon.

I held pills in my hand.

Tomorrow there'll be more of us...

I woke up in a strange place. I saw a man with brown hair pulled back into a ponytail, holding a small white and yellow bundle.

It couldn't be Alexander, could it?

"Alexander?"

"John!" The person turned to me. It was him.

"This is Phillip. I know you don't forgive me, I'll give you your son and leave..." he said pained.

"Our son, I'm still upset. But we're together now. I should give you time to explain." Alex sighed.

"Where are we by the way?" I asked.

"Heaven..."

Brought to you by my lack of self control, anxiety and overall wanting to die

A/N: Sorry for not posting.