"you love me right?
we both know you
do." - k.sm
in which kim seungmin
is mentally unstable
and will do anything
to break hyunjin's
heart and stability.
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time written ; 22:52 pm time finished ; 23:06 pm
CHAPTER THIRTY NINE — ♡ —
"you obviously don't know when to quit." chan scoffed, giving a disgusted look to jeongin. "cookies? are you serious, I'm not gonna forgive you after what you did." as he crushed the box.
"h—hyung I only wanted to—" as jeongin backed into a row of lockers, eyes teary and lips quivering.
"stop!" chan shouted, "you're cute affect doesn't work on me anymore. try and kill someone else psychopath." walking away, he slammed the box of cookies into a nearby trash. jeongin's head fell down, disappointed and useless.
"h—he's right.." jeongin told himself. "nobody would ever forgive you.."
days of trying, jeongin would do anything for chan to forget about their past. he brought him sweets, wrote him cute notes. gave his hyung a bouquet of flowers, but instead. chan stomped on them, ripped them up or threw them out.
because they were useless.
he was useless.
"j—jeongini..y—you're okay!" he couldn't help but remember everyone's harsh words. he started to hate himself, let the negative vibes consume him.
he told other people, be happy, a smile looks great on you. but whenever he tried, you could immediately tell it was fake.
"you t—tell everyone t—to be happy..yet you can't a—achieve happiness..y—yourself.." he choked on his words, the tears flowing down instantly. "w—why can't y—you d—do anything right.." he finally whispered.
the only friend he had was changbin. he had no trace of minho, no more seungmin. he had nothing. nobody.
his hands shaking, he rolled his sleeves up and looked at the fresh cuts from the other day. he promised changbin he wouldn't do it anymore, yet he couldn't help himself. relieving the pain was essential for him. and that was the only path that was open.
"you're not pretty." he told himself.
"you're disgusting."
"you're nothing."
"you're useless."
"you're pathetic."
he whispered to himself. he could feel his chest tightened as it hurt to say those words. but he knew they were true. he was nothing in everyone's eyes.
living a happy life was difficult. he hated everything. he hated everyone. all he craved was to see some light again. so why couldn't he have it?
what did he need to do? he needed someone to save him from the darkness. someone to pull away from the hateful thoughts.
