Insane - Who Are You To Judge? (Gripping Psychological Thriller)

Chapter 44 - Avery

"They say seeing a person's bedroom is like looking into their soul," he declares as I lead Him up the stairs.

"Oh do they?" I ask with a disbelieving tone.

"No, but I say that," he admits and makes an impressed expression as we enter my abode. "Very fancy. I can't see a hidden pile of dirty clothes anywhere."

I laugh a little harder than I should. "Trust me, you won't be finding that, I keep everything extremely ordered."

"So I've noticed," he comments while pointing to the rail of black trench coats in my walk-in wardrobe. "Does one really need fifteen of the same coat?"

"You never know, what if something were to happen to one of them." Like someone's blood spills onto it and you have to burn it. I lean back on the bed with my hands propped up behind me, watching Him snoop around my room.

"You're looking after Dopey, I see." He gestures to the purple soft toy propped up against the far wall in the wardrobe. "I would have thought you'd cuddle him every night because he reminds you of me," he jokes with a grin.

"Well, I would but...with all the people I bring in here, they might think I'm a bit weird if I've got a kid's toy on my bed."

He mouths ha ha sarcastically and approaches me. Leaning forward, he slides his hands over mine and softly kisses me. I lean back onto the bed and give in to Him. I wrap my fingers around his neck, pulling him closer and he pushes me into the bed. The sheer force with which he does this makes the butterflies somersault, there may have even been a hint of aggression – even better. The warmth of his body sends tingles up my spine. My reason is enjoying herself too – even though she'd never admit it.

A few minutes later he lifts his head up, brushes hair from my face and tucks it behind my ear before whispering, "I'm just going to pop downstairs. I'll be back in two minutes."

"Okay," I agree, hypnotized by his smile and I unravel my legs from his waist.

Once I hear his feet hit the staircase I shuffle off the bed and skid into my bathroom. I stare at myself in the mirror, fixing any makeup smudges and fluffing my messed up beach waves.

I then peel off my skin-tight patterned top and skinny jeans as well as my everyday lace underwear and switch them for another lace set – only this set is blood red. My favourite colour.

After surveying the area and seeing he has not returned, I hurry onto the bed and lie there, waiting.

There's nothing more difficult than choosing the awkward pose you want to be holding when they walk back through the door.

He's taking longer than he should be, if he's retrieving what I think he is, and I can't detect any noise coming from downstairs.

Just when I think he has decided to do a runner, I hear Him slowly trudging back up the stairs.

I get back into position and smile seductively as he opens the door. His reaction is far from unsatisfactory – it's abysmal.

It's as if his eyes don't even stray from my face – not even one glance down. I would be lying if I said I wasn't the tiniest bit offended. His face is serious. A complete change from the playful expression he was wearing when he left the room.

And then I see what has him so sombre. In his hand are several crumpled pieces of paper. With letters cut out from a magazine.

"Where did you get those?" I ask. My voice is husky and my eyes wide.

"What the hell are these?" he demands, disregarding my question.

I throw myself upright. "They're none of your business, that's what they are."

He comes closer to me and closes the door. "Avery, this is serious. Who is sending you these? Have you told the police?"

I snatch them quickly from his hand. "It doesn't matter. It's just dumb, bored kids. Just drop it." I'm silent for a moment, glancing down at my mauve carpet. "How did you get them?" I ask again.

"I saw one on your desk, and then there was a corner of the same paper poking out of your drawer so I opened it and saw the others. Avery, I want to protect you. Who is threatening you?"

My eyes flick up to his and the flame alight within them burns a hole through him. "I don't need you to protect me," I snap. "You don't even know half of what there is to me. I can handle some pathetic loser with an old magazine, a pair of scissors and no life. Back off," I demand as I walk into my wardrobe to retrieve my lilac silk robe, sliding it over my goose bumps. I have only just realised I am still semi-naked.

"Yeah, you're right," he agrees. "I don't know all there is to know about you. But that isn't my doing, that's yours. I have been completely patient and I have never pushed you into telling me anything you don't want to, but we've been dating for four months, Avery. And now I find these threatening letters? You've got to give me something!"

I can feel my heart pumping the blood around my body in double-time and red spots are beginning to float across my eyes. "Fine, you want to know what I'm hiding. You want to know my deep and dark secrets. Is that it?"

Avery, no, my reason whispers to me calmly.

"Yes I do," he answers, matching the decibel of my question.

What are you doing? I can hear the panic in her voice.

"You really think you can handle the truth, huh?"

He nods his head violently. "How bad can it be?"

Think about this. You're being stupid.

I can hear the words surge up my throat like a tidal wave about to break. I'm actually about to do it. I'm about to tell him.

"You want to know what it is?" The butterflies are no longer dancing but are hurling themselves against my stomach. My palms twitch and his face is just a blurred figure. I don't even hear my own words, all I hear is a ringing.

Stop, you idiot!

"I—" I choke on my words. It's as if everything has frozen and I'm seeing myself from the outside.

My reason is holding my hand and dragging me down to inspect the two of us. I can practically see the saliva being hurled from my mouth by the force of my words. My pupils are dilated so much that the colour of my iris is undetectable. My lips are curled up, baring my canines.

I don't even recognise myself. I clasp both hands over my mouth, disbelieving of what I am about to do. I stare at my reason's angry face and she smacks the back of my head, sending me back into my body and into the present.

He is waiting there for my big reveal.

"I'm into gambling," I finally spit out.

His shoulders drop and his expression is confused. "Huh?" The glint in his eyes dulls, as if he's disappointed.

"I'm a gambler," I reiterate. "A few months ago I bit off more than I could chew and now I owe some people some money. I told you it's nothing that serious. These guys are all talk." My voice is softer now and I feel my breath slow.

"Oh." He glances down and twiddles his thumbs. His voice is no longer gritty, but is instead frail from the screaming.

"Yeah. So there you go. Now you know my big secret. Are you happy? Was it all you were hoping for?"

He reaches out for me. "Avery..."

I quickly move out of his reach. "I would like you to leave," I say, in as calm a voice as I can muster.

He doesn't even fight it. He knows it isn't worth it. The lack of anger in my voice tells him that I'm serious. He simply lowers his head and whispers, "okay."

And then he's gone.

My body shakes with the slamming of the front door. Suddenly the house feels enormous, empty and lonely.

I cradle myself and as my eyes blur, I quickly wipe away the salt water sticking to my cheeks.

I don't move. I have no idea how long I am standing by my bedroom door. I'm completely paralysed by the shock. Though, it's not the shock of our argument that has me so rattled, but the fact I feel hollow now that he's gone.