Insane - Who Are You To Judge? (Gripping Psychological Thriller)

Chapter 71 - Avery

Stop moving.

Stop. Moving.

My foot refuses to listen to my brain. It persists in tapping on the ground, creating the most irritating noise.

Oh great, none of my limbs are listening to me, I groan as my fingers drum the side of the mug, complementing the beat my shoes are providing.

Heidi keeps glancing at me with a worried expression painted onto her face. She can tell that I'm anxious about something. If it's that obvious to Heidi, he is going to notice the moment he walks through the door.

But when he does, my entire body freezes. My ribcage won't even move to allow room for my lungs to expand.

My lack of movement actually concerns Him more.

He rushes over to my corner table and rests his hand over mine. "Avery, what's wrong? Is everything okay?"

I stare at Him mindlessly for a few seconds. Well, at least he thinks it is mindlessly – I'm simply trying to get my ribcage to move.

"Yes," I finally blurt when the sweet oxygen molecules enter my alveoli again. "Yes, everything is fine, I just wanted to talk to you."

My reassurance doesn't exactly reassure Him, he is still staring at me, frowning with those gorgeous brown eyes.

"What did you want to talk about? You seemed quite serious on the phone."

I glance up at Him but I am unable to speak. It is now that I realise I'm scared.

I'm scared of losing Him. I'm scared he'll go back on his promise to always accept me whatever I tell him.

But he isn't perfect, right? I've accepted his flaws. I mean, he leaves the lid off the toothpaste – every single time. Who does that? It's so unhygienic. Sometimes when he laughs too hard, he snorts a little bit. When I first heard it I was so repulsed by it that I almost fled right there and then. But I got used to it, right? Actually, I've grown to quite like it. He's always wanting to know every detail of everything I'm doing and everything I'm feeling. That's really clingy, isn't it? But I've got used to that. They may not seem like flaws to Him, but they are to me. Surely it's the same thing. I know it will be difficult, but eventually he'll be able to accept my flaw. Because he loves me. He has to.

"Avery?" he calls to me and I realise I have been staring at him for a minute or two. He doesn't look concerned anymore, he looks slightly creeped out.

"Sorry," I croak and clear my throat. "I've just never done this before and I don't know how to."

He brings my hands up to his lips and kisses them. "Don't worry. You can tell me anything. You know that."

I take in a deep breath and nod. "Yeah, I know. It's just, this is different."

Removing my hands from his, I clasp them both around my coffee mug and rock back and forth on my chair. I didn't bother to practise what I would say last night – I just thought it would come naturally and if I practise I might get too nervous. I really regret that now.

I don't know what the best way to even approach it is. How to soften the blow and make it seem less awful to Him.

I open my mouth and as I do my heartbeat quickens, causing my voice to shake. The adrenaline begins pumping through my body and my hands rattle the mug.

Don't be stupid. My reason pops up again. She was trying to talk me out of it all of last night, but gave up this morning. This is the first time she's made a reappearance.

Come on, Avery. Think about this. You haven't thought about this.

That's where she is wrong. Over the past few days I've done nothing but think about it.

My mouth begins to form the words.

"I'm in love with you."

His face lights up with my words and he clasps my hands again as a beam spreads across his face and I am blinded by his teeth. I frown briefly, but I loosen my face, pretending I am as happy as he is.

That was not what I was expecting to come out. This conversation was supposed to go in an entirely different direction.

"Avery, you have no idea how long I've been waiting for you to say that." He pulls his chair closer to mine and cups my face. "I've felt like I've been feeling this way for so long and I never wanted to push you to find out if you felt the same, but it means so much to hear you say it."

Pulling me closer, he presses his lips against mine. I'm still confused about what I said. I feel like I'm lagging a mile behind in this conversation. But I kiss him back, I wouldn't want Him thinking there is anything still wrong.

"You know how much I love you, don't you?" he whispers into my ear. I'm warmed by his comforting breath.

I bob my head and he draws back.

After that just happened, we return to a normal conversation. While he is talking, all I can think about it how what I said is definitely not what I meant to say. I can't work out how it happened. I suppose my reason took over. She just couldn't let me do it.

"I've got to go. I've got to be at work in fifteen. I'll call you on my lunch break, okay?"

I lean in and kiss his cheek. "Okay."

He smiles at me, his expression so endearing. He always looks at me like I'm something special. Always. Without taking his eyes off mine, he squeezes my hands and stands up before heading for the exit.

Once he is out of sight, I slouch back in my chair, throw my hands over my face and sigh.

"Well that didn't go as planned..." I mutter to myself.

After I have downed the, now cold, remaining droplets of my latte I push my chair out and head off to work myself.

I am glancing down at the floor as I approach the door and my journey is interrupted by something knocking my shoulder back.

Bringing my head back up, I look behind me to see what, or who, it was.

I am greeted by a short, dark-haired woman. "Oh I am so sorry," she says to me. Her cheeks turn a bright rosy-red. "I'm never quite with it in the mornings until I get my coffee!"

"That's okay." I smile at her. "I'm the same." I then turn around, intending to continue my journey, but she taps my shoulder. Again.

"Wait."

I turn back around with a slightly less genuine smile on my face.

"I'm sorry, it's just..." Her voice trails off as she studies my face. "You look so familiar, have we met before?"

"I don't think so," I reply, slowly. "I just have one of those faces."

She chuckles lightly. "You most certainly don't. Look at you – you're stunning. You don't see many faces like yours around." She removes her hand from my shoulder. "No, it's probably just me. Like I said – me before my coffee is never a pretty sight."

Once again, I laugh softly – although my hostility peeks through – and turn back for the door, hoping she doesn't turn me around again.

To my delight, she doesn't and I make it out of the café.

Although, her face does linger in my mind, as I try to place it. She seemed familiar to me too.