Insane - Who Are You To Judge? (Gripping Psychological Thriller)

Chapter 76 - Avery

I count the seconds as my words flow through his brain.

One...He hears me.

Two...He understands what I've said.

Three...He thinks I'm joking.

Four...He considers the possibility that I'm not joking.

Five...He convinces himself that I must be joking. I have to be joking.

Six...He studies the expression on my face.

Seven...He realises that there is nothing funny about my expression.

Eight...He processes the idea that I am serious.

Nine...He now actually, truly understands what I've said.

Ten...His entire facial and bodily expressions change.

The warm, comforting eyes I looked into only a few minutes ago have now closed themselves off to me. His body, which used to be so welcoming and kind, is now stiff and tense. The loving way he looked at me a mere ten seconds ago, has been replaced with the eyes of someone looking at a monster. I'm the monster.

He opens his mouth but no sound comes out. His eyes widen and he ever so slightly moves back into the sofa – away from me.

"I...I...I don't understand," he stutters. His voice is no longer gentle, but harsh and hostile. "I don't understand. You...kill people. What do you mean you kill people? You can't kill people. That's impossible." A shakiness develops in his voice. "You kill people? How can you do that?"

The tears start to fall again. Seeing the way he is seeing at me. Seeing the way he is thinking about me. It makes me crumble.

"I don't know," I whimper. "I just do. I just always have."

His eyes widen more. "What do you mean, you always have? When did you start? How many people have you killed, Avery?"

I breathe in salt-water-filled air. "I first killed two people when I was sixteen," I mumble through tear-soaked hair. "Since then I've killed nineteen people."

His expression isn't changing with new information, now. It's as if his face is completely paralysed. He can't even process what I'm telling Him anymore.

"Nineteen people," he repeats, with a scarily calm tone. "You have killed nineteen people. Is..." His voice trails off and I see a new, awful thought come into his head. "Is that why you went out with me? Because you wanted to kill me?" The fear in his voice increases with every word. "Do you still want to kill me? Are you going to kill me?"

"What? No, no." I stretch out for his hand but he quickly takes it out of my reach. "No, it doesn't work like that, I wouldn't do that, I just, it's not..."

"Then how does it work, Avery? How do you choose your victims? Do you pick them out of a hat? Jesus, this is sick. How have you not been put in prison?"

"It's hard to explain!" I exclaim. "I follow people who fit the tale. And then if..." My voice fades out, I have no idea what I'm saying now. I have no idea what there is to say.

"What do you mean a tale?" he asks. But he answers the question himself. He gasps and edges further away from me. "You're the Grimm Reaper."

There is no tone of a question. I don't need to say anything. I can't say anything. Al I can do is wipe the tears as they continue to blur up my vision. In a way it's a blessing, I can't bear to see the horrified expression in his eyes.

"You're the Grimm Reaper," he repeats. "I don't understand, please, Avery, explain this to me. You have to explain this to me."

"I just enjoy killing people," I mumble with my head held low. I can't look into his eyes. "Everyone enjoys different things. Everyone has different hobbies. I can't explain it, I just do. So I do."

He shakes his head vigorously. "No. No, I don't accept that. You can't kill people for no reason. You're supposed to have a reason. You have to have a reason." He sighs. "Jesus, Avery, why did you even tell me this?"

"Because of what you said. You said you loved me. You said you would accept me no matter what." As I recall the memory, my voice turns high-pitched and it's nearly impossible to make out what I'm saying. "You said I could tell you anything."

He doesn't respond. He sits there, in silence, staring at the coffee table; he can't even look at me. Seconds go by...then minutes...then ten minutes...

I won't allow myself to break the silence. I don't even know what I can say. I have to let him process this. I have to let him deal with this.

"You're right," he finally says. "I did say that you could tell me anything."

Just for a moment, I feel the corners of my lips turn up. Just briefly. "There's more." I cough. "You know that I told you I gamble and that's why someone was threatening me?" I wait for his nod before continuing. "Well, I don't gamble. There's someone after me because they know who I am and they know what I do. They want to take me down."

"Well I can't really blame them," he murmurs under his breath.

This time mine are the eyes that widen. He sees this and his expression turns defensive.

"I'm sorry, Avery, but come on. You kill people. People are supposed to go to jail for that."

I gulp down further tears and tell Him the part I've been dreading the most. "The thing is," I begin, "The person after me has been watching my every move. They know that you're important to me, and now they're threatening you."

"Are you kidding me?" he replies with a tiny spark of fire in his eyes. "You kill people. Someone is trying to bring you to justice and now you've put me in danger? Jesus, did you even mean it when you said you loved me?"

"Yes, of course I did!" I wail immediately, my heart jumping at the accusation. "I'm sorry, I didn't know what to do." The tears start surging again. "I didn't know how to handle it. I didn't want to stop seeing you, but I didn't want to tell you. Not until you said you accepted me. Not until you said I could tell you anything."

He sighs, glancing down at the floor. "I did say that. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry because I am a man of my word and when I say you can tell me anything and it changes nothing, I stick to that." My spirits lift as he speaks and I think for just a second this could end well. "But I don't know if I can stand by my word this time. This is too much."

"No," I mumble. "No, please. We can get past this. Please, nothing has to change. I'm still the same person. I'm still the person you fell in love with. Please don't do this."

I reach out for Him but he pushes me away. "I'm sorry, Avery. It's not the same now. I can't see you in the same way. I have to take some time to think."

He stands up and heads into the hallway.

Giving me one last glance, he opens the door. I don't know the glimmer in his eye, I've never seen it before. I soak in his appearance, knowing full well this might be the last time I ever see Him. And before I know it, he's gone.

My entire body vibrates with the door as it slams shut. He slammed it shut.

My hands lie in my lap and collect the pools of water that fall from my face. I shriek and weep for hours, going over what happened and trying to convince myself that it didn't. That he still loves me. That we're fine. But we aren't.

He rejected me. He doesn't accept me for me. He's gone. I've lost Him.