The Switch // phan

chapter 15

Dans POV

I woke up to an unfamiliar scent, slowly opening my eyes to an unfamiliar room too. I sat up to look for a clue to where I was. i heard the door knob jiggling so I quickly laid back and faced the wall keeping my eyes open.

¨Dan? Are you awake?¨ A familiar voice asked.

I sat up realizing who the voice belonged to. ¨PJ¨ I breathed out.

He nodded and gave me a sympathetic look, looking next to him nodding. Chris then walked in with a wooden mini table with a bowl of oatmeal and a small plate of fresh cut fruit. He placed it on my lap and patted my shoulder before walking to his lovers side in the doorway.

I wasn't hungry even if it looked amazing, I just couldn't deal with the fact that she's gone. I shook my head signing them that I wasn't ready to eat. They both shot me another sympathetic look ¨Nan told us to take care of you and you know she would want you to eat.¨ Chris added before looking at his lover who was nodding in agreement.

I sighed vividly remembering what happened only a couple hours ago. I sat up to hover above the tiny wooden table feeling the warm air from the food touch my cold pale face. I picked up the silver spoon putting it in the bowl and slowly bringing it to my face. The thought of eating a meal as Phil without Nan made me want to throw up.

Taking the spoonful of warm oatmeal into my dry mouth and instantly spitting it back out. The two boys looked at me with a sad understanding look as I shook my head ¨I can't yet."
¨That's fine but you will need to eat dinner tonight okay?¨ Chris said walking to take the small table off my lap. ¨At least try to nibble on the fruit okay?¨ He added taking the small plate of fruit of the table he picked up and placing it next to my legs that were under the warm white blanket.

I sighed ¨Fine.¨ I added and with that the couple exited the room leaving me with nothing but a plate of cut fruit and my horrible thoughts. I sat there for hours debating if I should leave this world or stay and find Phil. I started to cry because the on going war happening in my head. The two boys ran in the room ¨Dan? Are you okay?¨ Chris asked. I was unable to speak.

¨I know that look.¨ Pj said looking deep into my eyes. I looked directly at him with a pleading look. His eyes began to look glassy like mine. ¨What's going on?¨ The confused brown eyed boy asked to Pj and Dan. ¨ Cutting yourself will hurt you yes, but after you feel the pain you will have left scars and painful cuts on PHIL'S wrists.¨ Pj explains as Chris's eyes grow realizing why the other boys are crying.

I started to cry more realizing what I didn't before because of Pj. ¨Killing yourself is a risk you would be taking too, i'm reminding you. you're Phil and we have no way of knowing if it would kill you or him.¨ Pj added. I cried even louder now leaning on the other crying boy as the no longer confused boy wrapped his arms around both of us bringing us all into a small ball on the white bed. We sat there in a small huddle for like five minuets.

We had finished crying.¨Pj made dinner¨ Chris said breaking the silence. Pj nodded "yeah lasagna" I nodded "okay. I could eat something."

"Great! Let's go!" Chris said smacking both of our knees and getting up. PJ shot him a glare before pushing him off the high bed watching him land face first into the carpet. I couldn't help but laugh with Pj. "What? What'd you do that for?" Chris yelled getting off the floor and putting his hands on his hips in front of Pj.

"Don't hit us!" Pj laughed. Hearing the laughs of the couple and of Phil made me happier. Just like Nan would've wanted. I got off the high bed after the couple left to room. I walked over to the mirror and stared at Phil's face for quiet a while apparently as Chris came in the room asking why it was taking more than four minutes to come sit down. I sat down at the dinner table and began to eat.

"Wow! Pj i didn't know you could cook!" I said stuffing my face after not eating for the whole day. "Thank you Dan, it's one of my few talents" The hazel eyed boy smiled. "Well unlike someone here" pj added fake coughing and looking directly at his boyfriend who wasn't paying attention at all.

I laughed with Pj "what?" Chris asked with his mouth full of food. Pj picked up the napkin roll and chucked it across the table were Chris sat. "What the hell?" Chris asked fixing the napkin roll back on the table. "Don't talk with your mouth full." He shot at the confused boy. I had to chime in "ooh someone's gonna get punished tonight"

Chris blushed and Pj smirked. "Woahhh Now I guess I know who tops. Just don't let me hear it tonight, it'll scar me for life." I added looking at the couple. They both laughed nervously and started a new conversation quick. "So Dan, where do you stay?" Chris asked. "I live in the city" I replied. The boys looked in awe already by the word city. "Why are you two shocked? I haven't told you what city. I could live in the ugliest one." I told the couple.

"Any city is cool. Especially if you've lived in the plain county side your whole life." Pj replied.
"We have to go. We'll find you and meet you as you and not as Phil. " chris said excitedly.  I giggled and nodded "okay. I'll tell Phil tonight. " I smiled.
"What city exactly?" Pj added.
"London." I looked up from my plate and the couples eyes practically jumped out of their sockets.

The couple cheered in excitement "road trip!"

"Umm... I have questions if you don't mind?" I asked shyly.
"Hit us." Pj said.
"Who's house is this?" I asked looking around from the dinning table.
"Ours. We moved in like 3 years back and it is convenient that we're now dating. " chris answered.
"Right. And why don't you live with your parents?" I asked another question.
"Our parents both don't accept gays." Pj put on a fake smile. I made an 'O' shape with my mouth.
"But don't worry it's been a while. We're over it and happy here." They looked at each other and held hands from across the table. I smiled at how in love the two were and thought maybe I could be like this with Phil.

After dinner, I went to the guest room the couple had put me in after the hospital. I pulled out Phil's phone and started writing.

"Hey Phil, so today's been rough. She's gone phil and it pains me but I guess not as much as it pains you. I'm sorry. Anyways the guys or should I say 'couple' want us to meet now. As I made a promise to Nan saying as soon as she passed I would find you and you would live with me in the city. If you like of course. I'm not going to force you. But I live in London. So let's plan the meet now. Be you soon :).

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So... yeah. Stuffs still going down :)

- susan