Jasmin

Chapter 27

Chapter 27

"So, I was wondering if you wanted to come over Friday as well as today after school? I am helping set up for the big Christmas Market this weekend and can get you back into the city before your Saturday shift." Lunch at school is routine for us now. Its too cold to go outside and so have found a smaller table in the middle that is often free after the big rush. We dawdle in the halls and find each other and by the time we make it we can usually find a table as a bunch of kids go off to the library or gym after scarfing their lunch. Marcus shares his lunch that Mary packs him, and after the first few weeks is even bigger than it was and bigger than what Eric gets. I bring what I can and even brought a few pickle jars to Mary on a Tuesday, from last year that Gretta needed cleaning out for room this fall. I feel guilty that he is feeding me, but secretly love that it is important to him to feed me. Food is a big part of my life, this need to find and collect it. I think he may even understand this part of me and use it to keep me happy.

I really love spending time at the little cabin in the woods, my time with Marcus is special and true to his word he is being a perfect gentleman with me too. We still spend the night in each others arms, yet nothing has gotten out of hand. We are sticking to first base, clothes always on.

"Sure, actually that would be great as I think this weekend Pat is coming to Gretta's place to start organizing things, I have all my stuff at my camp and am only bringing my bag with me each day so I can stay showered and sleep in a warm bed." I had told Marcus about things with Gretta a few weeks ago. He actually wanted to go and meet her. I don't agree that it would be a good idea, Gretta is a very private person. In explaining what Gretta and I have, to Marcus, he really wanted to meet and thank her for looking out for me. Gretta has never said why she choose to look out for me all these years, but any time I said thanks she always just said she was simply returning a favour. Knowing her attitude, I never pushed it, never wanted to do anything that would damage how we were to each other. He let it go, eventually. Yet now that I look at him, he is thinking of the future. His eyes get all unfocused or something whenever he tries to plan out what is going to happen.

"Don't worry, I can stay with her this winter just fine, and then spring summer at my site, by next fall I will have to find a new place, maybe a shelter or something." I see things differently. I don't plan, just take things as they come. I have to, planning is good, and you need to know what can happen and to have a back up, but going too far ahead and you loose sight of whats in front of you that you have to worry about.

One day at a time with vague goals that may or may not come to pass. That is how I live. I plan where I can find food, where I can keep warm, where I may have to run. I plan hopefully and possibly, like getting my ID, or graduating high school. But long term stuff is too big, months away is too far. Marcus has always seen months and even years away, what will happen after Grade 12, what will he do after I am done school. Looking at those he looses track of the now, the how to get through his current day to day, how to be happy in what he has now with his friends.

Glad the lunch room is pretty emptied out by now. These conversations are often ones we have alone, not at school. But I knew he was thinking of it. Had to tell him I have options.

Marcus looks over at me, showing me he has something to say. "That is a long way away, I will be working and maybe things will work out for us."

"Well..." I squeak, but not sure how to continue. But he interrupts me, not something he has done. Honestly I feel bad about him doing it, yet am upset that I didn't let him finish talking. I feel a bit ashamed. I fiddle with the wrists of my green sweater, keeping my eyes down as he finishes what he wanted to say.