Jasmin

Chapter 21

Chapter 21

Tonight, I am going to be with Marcus tonight. Oh I am so excited. Yes this is the same as every Tuesday for the last 6 weeks. Yet so different. We hardly see each other except on Tuesdays and during lunch at school.

I had a big rush at the end of my Saturday shift and got lots of tips. I went grocery shopping and splurged for me and Gretta. I have a big lunch today and I told Marcus not to pack anything. I was not used to bringing a big lunch. I eat breakfast often with Gretta, or she wouldn't eat in the morning, she barely eats now. I am getting really worried about her. I don't know if she will be able to stay through the year. I found more pamphlets from Pat. I even looked at a few. We had a conversation last night about what she wants to look for in a complex. I am trying to let her know not to worry about me. This is about her continuing her great life. I really love living with Gretta but I have to know I will be ok. I can look after myself. She has been there and we help each other, we don't depend on it though. Its a mutual thing. When something better comes, I want her to take it. I want her to be happy.

I meet Sally in front of the school, coming out of Josh's sporty black car.

"Good Morning." I call out as she rushes up the front pad towards the door, she grabs my coat arm and pulls me into the school.

"Bathroom, quick!" As she drags me to an bathroom and then glares at the other girls in there so they leave.

"What's up Sally." She turns to me and I finally see bit the red in her eyes, puffy under the makeup. Alarm fills me. "Whats wrong!"

"I did it," looking like I would understand. "Last night." She is holding both my arms, I shake off her hands and drop my back pack. Taking my time to analyze what is going on.

Light bulb. I cant stop my eyes widening as I take this in. "You wanted to." I say calmly, nodding slowly. I know after our last conversation and force a smile. I will never judge Sally on her choices, but the worry that this was not her choice is burning me. "Was it good?"

"I dont know." Almost a whine, as she spins away from me to stare in the mirror. "Thats the biggest thing. I had no idea what to expect, no one to talk to about it." She glares at me from where she had paced three steps forward and back, so fast that from when I dropped her arms I think she is on her fourth spin.

"You don't know if if was good or if it was your choice?" I prop my hip on the sink. I need a different angle. She just looks so caged. "Come on details, you were first and so you got to dish." Despite past experiences I am interested in how things go down. Especially now that I have a cause for hormonal urgings. "Start simple; how did you say yes." This causes her to stop, she grabs the counter beside me.

"I didn't say yes," she says to the sink, "I just didn't say no." Not said with a flourish, more like she was trying going through what had happened and is giving my question deep thought. This is the Sally I know. Rush into things and then think about it all.

"Thats not ok. You have to say yes or its not sex." This I am quite sure about, it was hammered into us in Health class.

"It wasn't like that!" Her whisper harsh. Her eyes flash up at me from her bowed head.

"No," I backtrack, "that wasn't what I mean. If you guys got caught up in the moment, I totally get you. Its just the way things are now, you are suppose to stop and make sure at some point though, so you know your both on the same page." I am shocked that it would come out any other way, but I guess my past haunts my whole life. I did not realize how much it encompassed my thoughts on the issue.

"You sound like a Health textbook." The words come out of her like a snort.

"Its kinda my only real experience with this here, you are the one who is suppose to have real details to fill in now." I turn her to face me, then two girls enter into the bathroom giggling. I look over my shoulder at them. "This one is busy this morning ladies, out."

They look at our stance and realize they do not want to get in on our conversation. Oh but I can just hear what the gossip mill will be spinning today. They leave. I sigh, needing to get down to the heart of it and hear the words. Knowing Sally she spent all last night overthinking the whole situation, causing her to look so tired. Time to bring my edge to the whole conversation. Blunt is a part of our friendship that I hope Sally still finds refreshing. "Sally, is this a good thing or not, you are giving me mixed signals right now."

With a deep breath, Sally looks me in the eye and lies. Lies to me and herself. "Its great! Justin was perfect." Not huge lies, I can see that, it was by her choice, now she is trying to find a way to spin it. To absorb her choice and make the best of things. "It was over quick and we met up with Quinn and Roger in the living room and watched some reality TV." She looks ok now, her face calm now that she realized that she was good. I am happy for her and her decision, I think she probably went to fast but with how she has been the last few weeks, and the way our last sleepover worked out, I had to admit it was happening. Sally is a smart girl, and she wanted to make things work with Justin. I have been watching for a while and he is really treating her well. Actually going all romantic on their two month anniversary and bringing her roses at school. Smiling over at her now that she has thought it all over, I grasp on her news.

"Quinn is dating Roger now? I thought she had better standards." Trying to keep up. I am totally out of the loop with Sally again. We giggle a bit at the comment, and Sally starts fixing her hair and makeup in the big mirrors. Glad she needed me to figure things out, I miss how much we talked. I mean the last bit we were still friends, we just weren't sharing. She gave me something big, and I need her help with what is going on with me. I quietly add, "Hey Sally, I think I am ready to go farther with Marcus, but I don't know what kind of signs to give him."

"What? You just let him do whatever." She is fluffing her pony in the mirror and its my turn to study the sinks. "What do you mean signs, just follow his lead, go with it." She looks through the mirror at me, a slight frown on her face.

"No, I don't think he will. I know he wants to, but he always lets me make the first move. I was the first to hug, or kiss. He seems to be waiting for me, but how do I say yes, and how do I say it without meaning yes to everything." I emphasis the last word hard. She was steady at second base and then third for a while, surely she knew how to get to those stages and stop.

"Your relationship is so weird." Sally eyes me through the mirror. "If you are the one leading then just move forward, do what you want. Eventually you will find your 'same page' health class point and I guess you go from there."

"Thats good advice. Thanks Sally." Then I know what she wants to get back to. Sally is no open book but we are pretty close. "So, quick huh? What was the best part, come on, I need to know. My future is at stake." Playing up the dramatic is always fun, I know she appreciates it as she pulls me closer with a glint in her eye.

What a horrible time for the bell to ring.