Jasmin

Chapter 17

Chapter 17

November brings snow and freezing temperatures. October was not warm by any means yet the nights I spent in the woods was bearable, now I do not see many evenings without real heat for a few months. I had foreseen the end of our Tuesday evening sleepovers that I had come to enjoy so much. The last few we even went to a small inexpensive diner for supper instead of the mission as Marcus had some money he made from selling his carvings. It was a nice little diner we had found. I actually asked the owner if they had a need for any help. I now work there as Jasmin, two evenings a week and at least one weekend shift. The tips are not as good as my last job but the atmosphere is smoother, less turnover and Marleen calls me a 'peach' to work with. I have regulars now that smile at me and people greet me and treat me great, not just hands to pass you food and a face you never remember. I did enjoy not being remembered, but now want to own myself, I feel stronger and no longer need to hide in shadows or at the back of class, or even within a slew of other like dressed servers.

I still haven't gone too far with my relationship with Marcus, even with the sleepovers at my site he sleeps in his bag, not in my tent. I do know that the students at school think otherwise, I let them all think what they will, I can not stop them. I sense no problems with the fact that we are taking our relationship slow. Marcus has never pushed for more, has actually created distance at times when things get heated, made me slow down. Then asked me what I wanted. Sometimes I am very grateful, other times I am upset that he does not want more. Don't boys always want more? I am glad to go to Sally's place for some talk. I am getting confused.

...

"So, I understand why Justin likes it when I go down on him but it just tastes so gross. And what do I get from it. Nothing, a sore jaw." Sally complains. We are sitting on her pink frilly bed, surrounded by pillows and soft stuffed animals. I love that her room is so girly and soft, such a contrast to where I sleep any other time. Tent, Grettas small tight bedroom with an old hard bed, the shelter. Entering into a place so soft just makes me relax, reminds me that I can be soft too.

Friday night, girls night at Sally's. As we wait for our nails to dry the sharp change in subject throws me. I thought we were complaining about Roger and Erica's breakup. My quick shocked look makes Sally look up at me and shake her head. I knew her and Justin were getting close, the Roger and Erica breakup throwing a wrench in Sally's relationship as it was always Erica's place the four went to after school, to fool around when her parents weren't home.

I wrap my head around the idea that Sally is more open to this kind of thing than me and start trying to understand her comment. "OK. So why do you do it if you don't like it?"

"Well the same reason you do. It makes them happy. You are suppose to. I am not ready for the next step, but Justin is starting to push for it." The whole thing comes out flippantly. She was concentrating on her toenails as she said it. Sally turns to me, her face serious. I am wondering where this is going to go now.

"Everyone says it hurts, but what is it really like? You will tell me wont you. You don't lie to me or leave things out. Please. I just want real information, not teachers or parents. Who else can I ask. Best friends right?"

"Tell you what." I almost screech. Completely shocked. I guess I should of stopped the rumours at school if Sally thought them too. "What are you thinking I am doing?"

"Come on your dating an adult, he is 19. You guys are attached at the hip at school and I saw you guys making out on Thursday, don't think you were hidden around the corner from the buses." I blush and look down. I thought she knew me better. She was the one I went to with all the old rumours before. She said she wouldn't listen to them.