Jasmin

Chapter 31

Chapter 31

I wake up in a room I have never been in. Its morning, and I hear voices upstairs. I am still dressed in what I had worn at the meeting. The room is defiantly a boys room in a basement. An empty bed on the other side of the room looks slept in too. Clothes all over the floor. I Look around and see my pack at the end of the bed. Stepping out of the room I recognize Eric's place, the basement where I had watched a few movies on Tuesdays. I go to the bathroom and clean up before going upstairs. I am slowly piecing things together in my mind. I am in the shower when I get to the end. Steven Boiko.

I the water is cold when I am done crying on the floor of the shower.

Dead. Marcus killed him. How, oh HOW did Marcus know of my step-father? I remember seeing that he was called my step-father in some article, I called him Daddy. But he is gone, he can never hurt anyone again. That is all I concentrate on. Never hurt anyone. I remember something about engaged, but ignore it. Not important. Dead is important. It allows me to climb out of the shower. Never to hurt someone ever again.

Freezing after the cold shower, I dress warmly and head upstairs. Only Andrew and Eric are in the kitchen. They look at me with sadness. Like my life is to be pitied that my boyfriend is a killer. They knew, and let him into their house. They lived with him for over three years, they knew he is a good man. He is the best. I love him.

"Pancakes are in the oven keeping warm." Andrew whispers.

"Thanks, after eating I am going to find Marcus." Eric looks over at his father and they silently communicate as I ignore them and devour two pancakes drenched in real maple syrup, the kind I can not afford and they never have at the shelter. I can not stop the moan of appreciation for the delicious food. "Man this is good. Thank you for looking after me last night. It has been a while, did I black out or was I just out of it." I look at the guys. Eyes open, and clear, probably still a bit red from my crying. I know I am calm now. In control now. I remember things, put things together. Marcus did not turn to drugs. He is close to me and so will still look out for me. He has done that for a very long time. I know he is close. I wait for the guys to answer my question.

"Fainted." Eric tells me softly. I nod and get back to the pancakes. I guess that means the meeting didn't last too long after that.

"Well it is nice that you looked after me. Thanks." My mood is confusing them I know, but I just can not be upset. The terror that he would find me again, its lifted. The idea that he would hurt someone else, a black spot that had been living in my head, its gone from the back of my unconscious. Well mostly gone, but I am so used to ignoring it and pushing it away that the whole world just seems brighter, lighter. I smile at Eric and his dad. "You want to come? Is my coat and boots here?"

Andrew shakes his head at me in confusion and leaves the room. I don't understand parents a lot of the time.

I end up wearing Mary's extra parka and boots as mine are at the Centre from last night. I guess I was carried wrapped in a blanket. It worries me that I let myself get so unprotected, often I was still able to function in a black out. I just have to move on, let it go. Eric kept me safe, I will never forget that.

My mind has always been my weak point, and I try to keep track of ways to keep myself safe when it starts to break. It was hard when I was on the street permanently. School helped me judge the days. I missed quite a lot the first bit, but kept working at it. I got stronger.

Nothing could of made me ready for his name though. To finally put all my years in one body, to accept what happened, and everything after. It was shocking, yet Marcus kept me together in the shower this morning. Knowing I wasn't alone. Remembering walking away. Remembering huddling in the cold. I thought it was a dream. Have a stuffed gray wolf from a dream. Not a dream. He brought me food, slept beside me in a fur coat. I didn't realize then he was anything other than a wolf. He didn't change or shift then. Always my friend on four feet that helped me. Walked me south. I missed him after being in the large town for a few weeks. Found Chet soon after. Moved to the city. Thought it was a dream, a part of my weak mind that shied away from so many things. I know my first few years were a blur. Missing more time than I was really awake. Chet used to get mad when I wouldn't talk sometimes. I remember the first time I sad anything to him he was so shocked, he thought I wasn't able to or something. I don't think I was with him much after I started to talk too much though.

All this running though my mind again as I walk. Walking is great for the mind. I loved walking with Marcus, we had the best conversations. It makes me smile to think of those.

Eric joins me as we trudge the familiar way to the cabin, our cabin. When he sees my smile he shakes his head. "He isn't here. Chris and Owen are concentrating on the North East, not way over here on the West." I ignore him. I think he is getting used to me doing that as he just follows silently.

I walk up to the front of the cabin and look at it with hope. I miss him. I love him. My Marcus. I have no idea how he knew so long ago about my stepfather. But I love him all the more for giving me this peace. He followed me in the city for years, knowing me somehow. He was my protector in the forest as a child. He sees me as the mate for all his life.

The crash I felt as so many things fell into place as I lay shivering and crying at the bottom of a small square shower in the basement was filled with puzzle pieces all fitting into place.

I know he is close, I know because he is always close. Will always look after me. Has since I was a child, and I never knew. I smile at the cabin then turn to face the surrounding trees and Eric, who is watching me with a sad look on his face.

"Marcus!" I scream into the cold still air. "Its ok now Marcus. We can get through this together!"

I hear a whine in the trees to the south, not far from the trail me and Eric came through. I turn and can not see anything. Eric shuffles his feet and moves in front of me. He crouches in a guarding position and stares approximately where the sound came from. I hear a growl, low. More a warning than anger, I think.

"Move Eric, go sit down by the cabin." I have no patience with him right now. "Shoo." Eric glances at me, confusion on his face that to me looks comical. I giggle at him and make another 'shoo' gesture with my hands. His hesitation obvious, he finally leaves and sits on the one step into the cabin. When he is a few feet away I turn to trees again walking slowly towards them. I still see nothing but trunks and snow.

"Marcus come here. We need to work this out. Whatever the problem is, we will work it out together." I say slow, and soft. "I miss you, and I love you. And honestly we really need to talk sweety." The last bit comes out not quite as sweet as the first. The emotional high I am feeling will come crashing eventually. Right now, just knowing I am safe, he is mine, he has always been mine, I can not do anything but smile. I do what Marcus needs, what everyone with pain needs. I wait.

It still takes a bit and I know my cheeks are red with frost burn, but finally I see him step out. I am surprised he is not bigger, my dream wolf was so huge that I expect Marcus to be the size of a small horse, but he is not. Just tall enough that his shoulders would probably come up to my belly. His gray coat is so full of different colours that it is only gray because all the colours mix to look gray. Its his eyes, tawny yellow eyes that hold me. I don't know much about dogs or wolves but he moves slow, with his head down, looking like maybe I am going to beat him or something. I sit down in the snow, letting him come to me. He still stops a few inches away and sits down in front of me. The entire time I know that Eric stood up once, because the wolf stopped and stared behind me. I shot him a dirty look over my shoulder, Eric sat and waited after that.

"Come home now Marcus, I miss you." Finally he pokes his nose at my cheek and I can wrap my thick coat covered arms around him and bury my cold face into his neck. I remember doing that when I was so cold. How he pushed me under a big tree that scratched my face and lay beside me. I would not be here if it wasn't for this wolf. This man. "Please come back." I beg.

I sit like this, wrapping myself around my four legged boyfriend in the snow for a while, enjoying the feeling so much. It feels so familiar. The idea that the love of my life has a tail does not faze me in the bit. I guess that just means I really am insane. Oh well, put that on the back burner.

I start to stand, Marcus whines softly. "Time to go back sweety." He gives me a 'gruff' noice that means nothing to me, but stands.

"You ok Jasmin." I hear behind me. I forgot about Eric.

"Cold, lets go." I call. He is such a good sport.