After Kody left my office I sat there staring at the door. I needed to get my emotions under control before I went home, I knew I was badgering her during practice, but I was just trying to get her to react. Every time I yelled she took a deep breath and just stood there until I doled out punishment. She never complained, just ran.
I pulled in behind an unfamiliar truck at the house, I jumped out quickly to find out who was here. I crept quietly up the stairs and heard a voice, Jake's voice. He was in Kody's room and even though I knew he was gay I was jealous of him. That jealous skyrocketed when I walked by her open door to see her sitting on the edge of her bed in just her underwear, she was starring right through Jake as he shook her.
I found myself taking a step in their direction, but stopped when I heard her respond. She sounded so defeated. I slumped to the floor just outside her door and listened as she told Jake all that had happened between us. I closed my eyes and just focused on her voice and when she said she would beat me up herself, I smiled. Maybe she was felling better now, but my smile faded, Jake had made her feel better in a matter of minutes and all I had done was make her feel horrible.
I stood and walked to my room, but stopped short when she said she wished he wasn't gay. I whipped back around to storm into her room and demand that he get his hands off of her, but again I stopped. She would not want to see me right now, not until I had somehow thought of a way to right my wrongs.
She had said that love means saying you're sorry and righting your wrongs, so I laid on my bed and stared at the ceiling while I tired to think of a way to right my wrongs.
"Why did you make him a plate?" Jake asked as I slid a third plate of food unto the microwave for Rylan.
"He's gotta eat," I shrugged and Jake gave me a funny look.
We discussed football as we ate and halfway through our meal Rylan came down the stairs into the kitchen.
"Hey Jake," he said and it felt so awkward.
"Hey," Jake nodded before turning back to me. "So the Gators are playing tonight," he said and I groaned playfully.
"Shut up," I laughed and Rylan was staring at me. "There is plate for you in the microwave," I pointed with my fork.
"Thanks," he said pulling it out and setting at the table with us.
"Seriously Kody," Jake said, brining my attention back to him, "Gators are playing Ole Miss tonight," he wagged his eyebrows at me and I laughed again.
"Ugh then I guess I'm gonna have to watch the Gators get their butt kicked tonight," I laughed and that caught Rylan's attention.
"You don't like the Gators?" he asked and before I could answer Jake did for me.
"She hates them, but all last year she made her dad sit through all of their games because she was in love with Tim Tebow," he laughed at me.
"Shut up Jake," I groaned again.
"Tim Tebow?" Rylan asked laughing too.
"I know," I threw my hands up, "I know, but he was hot even if he sucked as a quarter back. I think maybe I just have a thing for blonde boys with blue eyes," I chuckled and looked at Jake. Rylan stiffened at the end of the table.
"What can I say?" Jake laughed putting his arm around me, "We are resistible," I pushed him gently.
"Shut up," I laughed once more and then we lapsed back into awkward silence.
"Well," Jake said, picking up his plate from the table and walking over to the sink, "that was delicious as always madam, but we have a game to catch in 20 minutes, so get your butt to the living room ASAP!" he said leaving me alone with Rylan, who was looking at me intently.
I looked back at him before pushing away from the table to put my dishes in the sink, I heard the tv turn on in the living room. I was pouring soap into the sink when Rylan walked up next to me, I tried to ignore him, by starting the dishes, but as soon as I finished one he was rinsing it and putting it on the drying rack, he never said anything. We stood doing the dishes until my hands were pruney and all the dishes were clean.
I stood there watching the water go down the sink, aware that Rylan was watching me. When all the water was gone, I reached down to the bubbles left in the bottom of the sink and scooped them up. I turned the water back on to wash away the bubbles from my hand and still Rylan watched me.
I turned to him then and his eyes captured mine. He was so close to me that if I leaned forward just a bit I could press a kiss to the base of this throat, but I didn't dare. I stamped down the unnamed feelings that were rushing through my body and turned away from him, he didn't stop me and as I left the room I wished he would have.
I laid in bed next to Jake that night and I could not sleep, not even after I had grabbed Herbert from the floor, so I sighed and went down stairs, still holding onto the bear. I put in my favorite movie and just few minutes in I felt the couch move as someone sat down on the other end. I looked over to see Rylan watching me in just his boxers, my breath caught and I looked down at my lap quickly. Herbert was sitting in my lap and I wanted to laugh at myself for bringing him down here, bust I kept my hold on him as I watched the movie.
"What are you doing up?" Rylan's tired voice asked.
"Couldn't sleep," I answered, not looking at him.
"So you decided to come down stairs and watch The Princess Bride?" he sounded amused.
"It's my favorite movie," I answer, still not looking at him, my favorite part was coming up and he was not going to make me miss it.
"Death cannot stop true love," Wesley said on screen and I smiled, "all it can do is delay it for a while," out of the corner of my eye I watched Rylan smile too.
"I love this movie," he said quietly.
"Me too," I answered.
The movie played on, making me laugh and smile, but I watched as the space between Rylan and I closed until I was pressed against his side and his arm was around me. I had no idea how it had happened, one minute we were sitting at opposite ends of the couch and the next thing I knew I was tucked against him, my bear still in my lap.
I watched the credits roll, too scared to look up at Rylan, but when in finally got up enough courage to glance up I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding; he was asleep. I smiled as he snored slightly, he had given me an out, although he didn't know it. I unwound his arm from me and got off the couch, trying not to jostle him. I stood in front of him, looked down at the bear in my arms and then back at him.
If I was going to succeed at putting him out of my mind and heart I needed to sever all ties, well as many as I was capable of cutting. Giving Herbert one last big squeeze I breathed in Rylan's scent and then discarded the bear in Rylan's lap. I left them both sitting there as I climbed the stairs back to my bed. I curled up into Jake's side and fell asleep instantly.
Please do not kill me.
