Just Keep Walking

Thirty four

The next day Rick, Carol, and Daryl went outside the walls again, early like before. Mary stayed with Michonne and Carl, the child bored and buzzing with energy.
"You need to get dressed." Michonne ordered as Mary laid upside down on the sofa, her legs in the air, looking at a picture book.
"Why?" Mary whined, only wearing underwear and her bandana in her hair.
"Because you do. Come on, get dressed and we'll go for a walk."
"Okay." Mary sighed, getting up. She went to the bathroom and brushed her teeth as Michonne found her dungarees and a clean shirt.
"No shirt," Mary mumbled through the toothpaste, "I don't like them."
"Mary, put a shirt on." Carl ordered from his bedroom, and Mary rolled her eyes, then spat out the toothpaste and got dressed as instructed.
"Shall we go on a walk?" Michonne asked gently, and Mary nodded, hating being inside all day. The pair got up and walked down the street, leaving a sleepy Judith with Carl.
"Mishy?"
"Yeah?"
"Are you gonna live with us forever?"
"I don't know. Maybe." The woman replied unsurely, not knowing how to answer.
"I want you to. I love you." Mary smiled sweetly.
"I love you too." Michonne laughed, the words falling out of her mouth, not even thinking about them. She paused, reflecting on what she said. What she knew. She loved Mary, that was true. It simply felt like a big thing to admit it. To admit that this little girl was one of the people she lived for.
"Can we go to the lake?" Mary asked, her eyes wide and adorable. Michonne couldn't say no.
"Sure. Shall we stop off and see Maggie?"
"Yes!" Mary grinned, the thought of seeing her friend brightening her day. Michonne laughed again, and they walked to the lake. "Can I go in?"
"Sure. Just a little bit." Michonne nodded, as Mary pulled off her converse and began to paddle in the lake, the pebbles smooth under her feet.
"I wanna stay here. For forever and ever." Mary announced, kicking the water around playfully.
"Hopefully we can. But it's okay if not, okay? Because we'll all stay together."
"But I'm not sick here. I'm so much better. And we have other friends and a house and so much food and clean water and baths. If we left, I think it would be bad."
"It wouldn't," Michonne promised the child, "I wouldn't ever let it."

"Whatcha eatin'?" Rick asked breezily, sliding into the seat next to Mary in the dining room.
"Daddy," Mary grinned widely, "you're home. I missed you."
"I missed you too."
"It's soup." Mary announced, looking at her lunch. "Are you staying home for the afternoon or going back to work?"
"Hmm, let me think. Do you want me to stay?" Rick asked teasingly.
"Yes!"
"Oh, okay then," Rick chuckled, "I guess I can stay. Once you've eaten your lunch we're gonna go see Pete. Do you remember him?"
"Yes. Why?"
"He's a doctor, and he... I want someone to look at your hip. I'm still worried about it."
"I don't want to."
"Maybe, but we are. And after, we can put things in your new room. Maybe even find some paint, and make it green."
"What? Can't I sleep in your bed?" Mary asked Rick softly, her eyes tearful.
"No. You're a big girl now, okay? And we're safe. So tonight, why don't you try sleeping in your own room?"
Mary nodded, holding back tears, then looked over to her big brother. "With Carl?"
"Yeah," Rick smiled softly, "you can share a room with Carl. But you're a big girl now. So you need to try and sleep in your own bed."
"Yeah. I know. I'm a big girl." Mary nodded with a sigh. "I want to have a nap."
"No, we're gonna go see Pete first. Finish your soup, and I'll get your shoes." Rick said firmly. He went and grabbed her mucky converse and a fleece jacket that Izzy had given her, and even though it was far too small for her, it was only a few sizes too big for Mary.
"Okay, you're done? Let's go." Rick smiled, passing Mary her shoes, then he got a hair band and pulled her long locks into a ponytail, her bandana wrapped around as a hair band. She pulled on the fleece, the jacket longer than her dungaree shoes.
"Is he nice?" Mary asked Rick, walking out of the door, holding his hand tightly.
"Who?"
"Pete-the-doctor. Is he nice?"
"Erm..." Rick began, not sure of what to say, as he didn't even like the man, mostly due to the fact that he was Jessie's husband. Rick didn't want Jessie to have a husband, not at all. But he needed to push it aside. It was taking his pride to even take Mary to be looked at him; Rick didn't want to take anything from the husband of the woman he was beginning to fall for. But Mary needed it.
"Daddy?" The tiny child prompted, her voice gentle.
"Yeah, he's nice. He's a dad. Remember when we talked about that? What did I say?"
"If it's a mommy with a kid and I'm lost, I can go to her for help. If it's not a mommy, find a daddy with a kid," Mary recited, "or a nice teenager. Like a Glenn. One that likes kids."
"Yeah. Yeah, that's right." Rick nodded, his thumb stroking the back of her hand.
"Will we see Jessie?"
"Maybe. Do you like her now?"
"Yeah. A bit." Mary admitted.
"Good. I'm glad. I think this is it." Rick nodded as they approached the clinic. They went inside and saw Pete.
"Hi there. Judith?"
"This is Mary," Rick replied, shaking Pete's hand, "Judith's my little one. Carl's my eldest, the boy."
"Ah, middle child. It's hard, isn't it, kiddo?" Pete joked, leaning down to her eye line.
"Middle?"
"A big sibling and a little one." Rick explained quietly with a smile.
"I like it. Carl's big and looks after me. Judy is a baby, but she's fun sometimes. I love them."
"You're obviously a good sister then. It's hard to be a big sister and a little one." Pete nodded, and Mary glowed with pride. "Okay, do you want to sit up here, and let's talk about your hip, was it?"
"Yeah." Mary nodded, and Rick lifted Mary into the small hospital bed.
"How long ago was it?"
"About a month? Yeah, four weeks." Rick answered.
"And how did you treat it?"
"Stitched it up. She was on antibiotics, and it was touch and go for a while. Really badly infected. She had some seizures, and wouldn't eat or drink."
"She's lucky to have survived, if it was as bad as you say." Pete nodded slowly.
"She's a fighter." Rick shrugged. "Hey, take these off." He said gently to Mary, helping her to undo her dungarees. She took them off, so Pete could look at Mary's wound.
"You took the stitches out. Good thinking." Pete nodded, examining the wound closely. "It's messy, gonna leave a nasty scar. But healed well. I don't think it's hit anything major, but I can do an ultrasound."
"Thank you." Rick nodded, as Pete rolled around an old unltrasound machine.
"Not the best, but I work with what I have." Pete half shrugged, as he grabbed some gel. "I just have to put this on, okay? You have to stay still."
Mary nodded, and Rick passed her her bunny from his jacket pocket. She held it up to her face, squirming uncomfortably as Pete squirted gel onto her lower stomach.
"Just stay still, baby. It's okay, it won't hurt." Rick soothed. Pete began to screen her stomach and hip.
"Well, Mary, you've a lucky little girl. Ripped right through her ovary, messed up her hip on the exit wound, but nothing else. Nothing important. She might struggle to have kids when she's older, but she'll be okay. Lucky it wasn't her intestine or something."
"But she'll be fine?"
"Yeah." Pete nodded, putting the machine away. Rick noticed that Pete's hand was shaking slightly, and he looked at Mary, ignoring the man's state, then wiped the gel off her and helped her back into her dungarees.
"I'll just weigh her and everything. Come here, Mary." Pete ordered. Mary limped over to him, and stepped onto the scales. He looked at the number and sighed. "Yeah, she's incredibly underweight, plus she's skinny and small for her age. Does she struggle with concentration? And get tired a lot?"
"Yeah. Both. She's always tired."
"She still napping?"
"Yeah, usually after lunch. Just the once, but when she was sick she slept all the time." Rick explained, Mary clambering up him, her bunny held to her face.
"They should stop that at four, usually. She's very malnourished - that explains pretty much everything else, especially why she took a long time to recover. She's clingy. Got behavioural issues?"
"No." Rick replied sharply, holding Mary to his chest. Then he thought of his incredibly clingy and shy child, who had panic attacks and wet the bed and wouldn't sleep alone. Who had horrific nightmares and was very picky about who she would and wouldn't talk to. She definitely had psychological issues, he knew that. But he also knew that as long as they were together, or she was with Carl, or Glenn, or Maggie, or occasionally Daryl, she was fine. He knew he couldn't change her, but he could be there.
"She has PTSD." Pete nodded, and Rick knew he was right. He knew that was what was wrong with Mary.
"How do I fix it?" Rick asked shakily.
"Give her time. Routine. Make sure she isn't stressed, and doesn't see you stressed. Keep her away from death, away from Walkers. Keep her exercising, and eating healthy. Love."
Rick nodded slowly, kissing Mary's forehead. "Thank you."
"God, I need a drink." Pete sighed suddenly, shaking out his hands. Rick smiled awkwardly, and zipped up Mary's fleece, getting ready to leave. "Rick, have a drink. Come on. Have a drink with me."
"I'm good."
"Come on, have a drink. Friends. We're friends now. Have a drink."
"I've got Mary with me," Rick replied firmly, "so maybe some other time. Not with her."
"Tomorrow." Pete insisted.
"Yeah, maybe. Thanks." Rick nodded, going to leave.
"Yeah. Bye." Pete smiled, reaching into his pocket and getting a hip flask, taking a long drink.
"What's he doing?" Mary asked, staring at Pete.
"Nothing. Just having a drink." Rick explained quickly, getting out of the small clinic.
"His breath smells." Mary nodded, seeming to understand what Rick meant. They walked back home, and Mary napped while Rick moved a bed into Carl's room.
He went downstairs when he heard a knock on the door, opening it slowly, his finger to his lips, to see Glenn stood there. "Hey. Mary's napping." Rick whispered in explanation, his head motioning to the open plan living room where Mary was sleeping on the couch, her bunny covering her face. "Come through."
Rick and Glenn walked through into the kitchen, Rick getting two glasses and filling them with water, passing one to Glenn.
"She okay? Where's the other two?" Glenn asked, referring to Mary, passed out on the sofa.
"Yeah. Yeah, she's fine. Carl's gone to school, and Judith is with Carol and all the other women. They all love babies." Rick joked.
"Ah. I just got back from a run, saw these. Knew she'd like it." Glenn smiled, passing Rick a little children's bedding which was covered in butterflies and a few flowers.
"Thanks. She will." Rick grinned gratefully, taking it off the other man.
"I got her these too." Glenn offered, giving Rick some books and a few toy cars.
"Thank you." Rick nodded happily, putting them on the kitchen table. He was quiet for a second, then sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I talked to the doctor. He took a look at Moo. Said she has PTSD. I knew, I knew she did, I mean, who doesn't have PTSD in this world now? Everyone's been though shit. But she's five. My five year old has PTSD. And you know how he said I could help it? By making sure she's not stressed, and keeping her away from all the death and Walkers."
"Rick. You've got this. Okay? You've got this, and we're here to help. I'm here. I'll do anything for her, Rick. You know that."
"Yeah. Thank you. Me and her, we're always going to be in your debt. And we're both so lucky to have you." Ruck replied, his eyes full of a brotherly love for the younger man.
"No. No, you're not. You're not in debt, because we're family, and I love her. As much as I could love my own child."
Rick didn't know how to reply to that, and he just whispered, "Thank you. Thank you."

That night Glenn, Maggie, and Noah stayed for dinner with Mary, Carl, Rick, Michonne, and Judith. Dinner lead onto drinks and card games, Noah teaching the others how to play poker. Judith had slept through almost the whole evening, and Mary had started off giddy and excited to be spending an evening with Maggie and Glenn. By the time the clock had hit ten, she was sat quietly, rolling her new cars up Glenn's arm, only occasionally talking to him, by eleven she was sat on Glenn's lap, drinking coke, which meant that by twelve, she was sat on Rick's shoulders, playing with his hair, and doing handstands against the walls.
Once it was half one, however, Mary was curled up on Carl's lap while he ate ice cream from the tub, Noah beside them, sleepily drinking coffee, determined to stay awake.
"Carl, it's bed time." Mary mumbled groggily.
"Yeah. Yeah, it is. Come on. Daddy is busy, I'll put you to bed. Go say night night."
Mary nodded, and got up, running over to her father. "Night night daddy."
"Night night, my little princess." Rick smiled, picking her up and hugging her. "Do you need me to tuck you in?"
"It's okay. Carl said he's going it."
"Alright. I'll come up and check on you in ten minutes, okay?"
"Promise?"
"I pinky promise." Rick nodded seriously. Mary smiled, then Rick kissed her nose, then each of her cheeks. "Go on now. Bed time. It's late."
Mary nodded, and got down out of his arms, then hugged Maggie, Glenn and Michonne, and afterwards she ran to Carl, who carried her into their bedroom. Rick carried on talking, then went up to their bedroom ten minutes later, as promised. His heart skipped a beat when he saw Mary's empty bed, but then he saw her and Carl in Carl's bed. Mary was in a pair of boy's Spider-Man pyjamas that were far too big, her hair loose and down. She was laid on Carl's bare chest, and even while he was asleep, he had one arm wrapped around her. The man half chuckled when he saw that Carl had been so tired, he was still in his jeans, with only his shirt and shoes off.
Silently, Rick got the duvet, and covered the two children. Then he kissed both of their foreheads, and left, making sure he left the door open, just the way Mary liked it.