Just Keep Walking

Ninety five

The next morning Mary was full of energy, and bored of being inside.
"I wanna go visit Hilltop today." Mary whined as Rick made her sit down, sliding some oatmeal in front of her.
"Not today." Rick said simply, sitting Judith into her high chair.
"Why?"
"Because... Carl!" Rick shouted, waiting for the boy to come downstairs. Michonne came first, immediately pouring coffee, then sitting down by Mary. Eventually, Carl stumbled down the stairs, his eyes groggy and half closed.
"What?"
"Breakfast." Rick answered, and Carl slumped into his seat.
"Why can't we go to Hilltop today?" Mary questioned yet again, and Rick sighed.
"Listen, both of you, me and Michonne are going on a run. The people that had Gabriel will fight Negan with us, if we find them guns."
"We have guns." Mary commented.
"We have three guns in this whole place." Carl corrected, and Rick nodded slowly.
"Yeah. So, me and Michonne are going on a run, but we're going to be a few days. Two, maybe three, four, nights."
"I'll come with you." Carl said quickly.
"No, I want you here. Looking after things. Looking after your sisters."
"No!" Mary hissed suddenly.
Rick sighed, and his eyes fell on Michonne's. "Moo, you've got to stay here. It's the safest. Me and daddy need to find these guns. It's a grown up's job."
"And it's not long until your birthday," Rick said suddenly, "so me and Mishy need to find some presents."
"I want to stay with you." Mary whimpered.
"Come on, you're a big, brave girl. You can do this," Rick soothed, "and you can have a walkie talkie, yeah? And I'll call you every morning and every night. Okay?"
"I don't want you to go. Please. Please." Mary begged.
"I'm sorry, but we have to. Okay? You get to stay with Aaron. You love Aaron."
"I love Glenn!" Mary screamed, knocking her bowl of oatmeal away so harshly that it hit Rick, banging against his forearm and smashing on the floor. The room went silent, apart from Judith crying, and Rick breathed in sharply, then got a dustpan and brush, sweeping up her mess. Carl picked up Judith, soothing her, as Mary said nothing, frozen in silent fear of how he'd react. She couldn't help but be fearful; if she'd done that to one of Negan's men, they'd have hit her, beaten her.
Mary kept watching as Rick tipped the smashed bowl of oatmeal into the bin, and gave her some more in a fresh bowl. With a sigh, Rick gave her the fresh bowl of food, and sat back down.
"I know it's hard," Rick began slowly, "but Glenn is gone. And I'd do anything to have him back, but we can't. We just can't. And I am so sorry. So so sorry."
"I'm really never gonna see him again. Am I?" Mary breathed, looking down.
"No, sweetie. No, we're not going to see him again." Rick whispered.
"I really want to." Mary whimpered, and Michonne pulled her into her arms, letting her nuzzle into her chest.
"I just want Glenn." Mary cried softly.
"I know," Michonne whispered, "I know."
When Mary had finally calmed down, she ate her breakfast sat on Michonne's lap, Rick shovelling oatmeal into Judith's mouth as she refused to feed herself.
"Daddy. You're a dumbass. You too, Carl," Mary said nonchalantly, "because I don't call her Mishy any more. I call her mom. Dumbass."
"Mary, don't call..." Michonne began, but Carl cut her off.
"Dumbass is a compliment. Don't worry. Dumbasses are cool." Carl explained, smiling softly.
"You're not a dumbass," Mary said firmly to Michonne, "you're a princess."
"Thanks." Michonne chuckled.
"Okay, let's go get you dressed and do a bag for you to take to Aaron's house." Rick smiled softly.
Mary got up, and walked over to Rick, then they went upstairs. "Where'd you put your backpack?"
"Here." Mary declared, rustling in the bottom of her and Carl's wardrobe, pulling out a Spider-Man bag. Rick put her in a pair of pyjamas, then a few pairs of leggings, a shirt, a dress, and a cardigan. She pulled on her dungarees with a shirt underneath, then her cowboy boots.
"I don't want to go." Mary whispered.
"I know." Rick nodded softly, and Mary fell into his chest, nestling into him, breathing in his scent.
"I really don't want my Mishy to die. I already lost one mom. I can't lose another one. Daddy, promise? Promise you won't let her die? Please?" Mary whimpered.
"I know. I don't want her to die either. I don't want anyone else to die. And I'll try my hardest to protect her. But I can't promise. Deal?"
"Deal." Mary nodded.
"I love you so much, you know that, right?" Rick said to Mary, his lips pressed against her forehead, squeezing her tightly in his arms.
"I know, daddy!" Mary giggled, wriggling in his arms.
"What, is your good old dad not allowed a cuddle anymore?" Rick laughed nonchalantly, letting her go and holding back the pang of hurt.
"You are." Mary smiled, falling back into his arms and kissing his cheek.
"Okay. Okay, it's really time to go now," Rick said softly, "I just need to do this mess of hair. What am I doing to it? Cutting it all off?" Rick teased.
"No, daddy! Never ever cutting it off. Stop being silly. I want it long forever and ever. Please can you braid it?"
"Yeah." The father nodded, grabbing Mary's brush and combing through her hair, then swiftly plaiting it.
"Can you promise me that you're going to be super super good for Aaron and Eric?"
"I promise." Mary nodded, pulling on Glenn's jacket.
"Hey, baby, why don't we wash this and put it away?" Rick asked soothingly, a hand on Mary's arm.
"No. It's Glenny's. I'm never letting it go." Mary said firmly.
"Okay." Rick nodded gently.
"Am I going now?"
"Yeah. Yeah, it's time to go now." Rick said softly. They went downstairs, and Mary cried a little as she said goodbye to Michonne, then Rick walked the three of them round to Aaron and Eric's house.
"Carl, make sure you help them out with the girls," Rick ordered, as they walked up Aaron and Eric's porch steps, "because you know she's difficult. And help them with Jude. You know how tiring it can be when someone's looking after a baby all day. I don't want her to be too much hard work."
"I will. Don't worry." Carl nodded.
"Good. I know I can count on you. What shall I try and find you? Anything."
"I dunno. Guns. To beat Negan." Carl shrugged.
"C'mon. It's time you had some nice things in life. New jeans? A new jacket? A denim jacket?"
"Some new comic books." Carl answered begrudgingly.
"I can do that," Rick smiled, his face brighting up, "I can do that. Miss Moo, what do you want me to find you? What shall me and Mishy bring back?"
"Mom. She's mom now." Mary whined.
"Okay. Okay, what shall me and... Me and mom bring back?" Rick corrected.
"You can't get it."
"I might be able to."
"Glenn." Mary mumbled, and Rick's heart sank.
"Mary..."
"I know. I know. Please can I just have a new toy? And maybe some new crayons?"
"Yeah. I'll get you them." Rick nodded, then he knocked on the door. Eric answered it a few seconds later, and after Rick spoke to him a little, he had to go.
"Hey. I love you. I'll see you in a few days, okay? With comic books." Rick said softly to Carl, putting his hand on the back of Carl's neck.
"I love you too, dad." Carl whispered, leaning the top of his head on Rick's broad shoulder, jostling his hat back a little.
"I'll be back soon." Rick comforted in a whisper.
"I know. I want to come." Carl mumbled.
"I know, but I need you here. I need you with the girls. You're who I trust the most with them, especially Mary. More than anyone else. I need you with her."
"Yeah." Carl nodded, raising his head.
"Go on. Go on inside with Judith. I gotta talk with Moo." Rick said gently, and Carl nodded, walking inside with his youngest sister.
Rick bent down, and looked into Mary's wide, dark eyes. "I'm going to be fine. You're going to be fine. We all are. I'm going to find the guns, and it will all be okay. Yeah?"
"Yeah." Mary whimpered.
"I love you so much. And I'm not going to die, and neither with Mish... Mom. Okay?" Rick said firmly.
"Okay." Mary nodded, slightly firmer this time.
"I love you millions. Now, go on inside and be good for Aaron and Eric." Rick smiled sadly, kissing the top of Mary's head.
Mary gave him a tiny kiss, then wiped away a tear. She was growing up. She could be alone. So, before going inside, she spoke in a whisper, "I love you too."

I'm so sorry I've not updated in the past week! I went away for the week with some friends, and there was absolutely no signal or WiFi... So I've been unable to write or post. Thank you for being so patient, and thank you all for reading!
Much love,
Emmy x