Just Keep Walking

Fifty six

"Daddy says that people used to have jelly in the hospital, so me and Maggie made some." Mary smiled, showing Carl a bowl of jelly.
"Thanks." Carl chuckled, taking the bowl off her. He ate some, then passed the spoon to her, letting Mary have some.
"I have sad news." Mary whispered suddenly, her tone dripping sadly. She put a gentle hand on the side of Carl's face, just as Rick often did to her when he gave her some sad news. "Natalie and Bob died."
"I know, dad told me. Are you okay? I know you loved them."
"I'm sad. But I'm sad a lot now."
"Oh, Moo." Carl sighed. He opened his arms, and Mary nestled into them as Carl ate his jelly. "I get sad too, you know. We've lost a lotta people. A lotta friends. It makes a person sad. But things inside of us keep us happy, and other people keep us happy."
"Who do you miss mostest?"
"Mommy. And I miss... I miss a lotta people. Shane, Sophia, Dale, T-Dog, Patrick, Hershel, Beth, Noah... Too many people."
"I miss mommy." Mary nodded sadly.
"Yeah. Yeah." Carl nodded gently.
"I wish Judy met her."
"Me too."
"Hey, smelly, you gonna let Carl rest and come help me finish the wall?" Rick asked, walking into the room.
"You got it up already?" Carl asked in surprise.
"Yeah. Tobin and Abraham's crew worked all yesterday and this morning. Just doin' the braces."
"Okay. Okay, cool. I'll see you later then. Sorry, I, erm, I can't help."
"Don't be stupid. All that matters is you resting." Rick laughed nonchalantly, rolling his eyes, but Carl didn't laugh with him.
"Go on, Moo. I'll see you later." Carl smiled shakily.
"Bye." Mary whispered, kissing his cheek and jumping off the bed, her bunny in her fist. Rick lifted her onto his hip, pulling her up by her forearms with such sheer power and protectiveness that only a father could have. His hands that held her safe were the ones that had the power to end lives, the hands that knew how to hold a gun better than how to hold a pencil, the hands that snapped necks and bruised skin. The hands that plaited his daughter's hair, and fed his baby, and made Carl his nightly hot cocoa, and made breakfast and lunch and dinner for his family every day, and read stories to the children.
Before he was a killer, he was a father, first and foremost.
Carl watched his father boost Mary onto his shoulders as they got outside, the pair laughing happily. He couldn't help just feel a little jealous as he watched them through one eye, saw them having fun while he laid there weak and helpless.

He felt helpless.

"Hey. Listen, it's dinner time, so do you wanna go have some dinner with Maggie and Glenn?" Rick asked Mary softly, sitting next to her on the ground, where she was drawing in the dirt.
"With you. You've not been home for ages."
"Listen, how about you have a sleepover with Glenny tonight?" Rick asked, fake excitement on his face to try and persuade Mary.
"Yeah! I need someone to watch The Incredibles with!" Glenn grinned, walking over from the sidelines.
"Stay at their house? I don't think so." Mary whispered shakily.
"Oh, it'll be so much fun! And we can make pizza. Pizza without cheese, but still pizza. And chocolate. Tell you what, you don't even have to have bedtime. We can stay up as late as you want."
"I bet you could make a fort in the living room." Rick added with a smile.
"No. I'll have a nightmare."
"That's okay, even if you do then it's okay."
"Mary, listen to me, okay?" Rick said firmly, his hands on her shoulders, "You can't keep sleeping on a chair. So you're going to stay with Maggie and Glenn, just for a little bit, until Carl gets better and comes home. Okay? It's best for you. Because it means that you can have a routine, and a bed, and you'll be a good girl. Okay?"
"Okay." Mary whispered, crying softly.
"Hey. What's wrong?" Rick soothed, his face creased in worry.
"You don't love me anymore, so you're making me live with Maggie and Glenn."
"Don't be silly. I love you so so so much. Okay? I just can't be the bestest daddy in the world right now. Not like usual. Okay? I'm not able to look after Carl while he's so sick and look after you just as well. I can't keep up your routines and feed you good food and have you in bed for a good time. Okay?"
"Okay." Mary whined.
"It's what's the best for you. And it's just for a few days. Okay?"
"Okay." Mary nodded.
"Okay. I'll see you in the morning, yeah? I've got your toys and some clothes in a bag, Maggie's got it. You're gonna be good?"
"I'll be good." Mary promised, as Rick pulled her up onto his chest.
"Okay. I love you millions." Rick smiled, kissing Mary's forehead.
"I love you billions." Mary replied with a smile.
"Hmm, I love you bazillions."
"I love you hundreds!"
"We need to work on your numbers." Rick chucked at Mary's lack of numerical knowledge. "Okay. You go on now with Glenny. I'll see you tomorrow morning."
Then Mary was in Glenn's arms, and they were going to his house, away from Rick, who was crying softly, hating that he wasn't going to see his child until the next day, hating that it was his choice to do.